Overview

1. Overview • Communication Skills • Nonverbal communication • Oral communication • Written communication • Interpersonal Applications • Business Applications

2. Why Study Communication? • The Only Completely Portable Skill • You will use it in every relationship • You will need it regardless of your career path • The “Information Age” • The history of civilization is the history of information • Language and written documents facilitate the transfer of information and knowledge through time and space

3. Why Study Communication? • Your Quality of Life Depends Primarily on Your Communication Skills • You Cannot Be Too Good at Communication • People Overestimate Their Own Communication Skills

4. We Want Others to Change

5. What Is Communication? • Transfer of Meaning—No • Influence of Mental Maps—Yes • Redundant • Visual • Auditory • Kinesthestic • Energetic

6. What Is Communication? • Conscious and Intentional • Nonverbal • Verbal • Unconscious and Unintentional • Nonverbal • Verbal

7. Unconscious Processing • Conscious Processing = 7±2/Second • Unconscious Processing = 200,000,000/Sec. • Short-term Memory • Long-term Memory • Habits • Physical • Mental

8. Habits • Learned Behavior • Established Over Time • Practice • Self-talk • Change

9. Learning • Unconscious Incompetence • Conscious Incompetence • Conscious Competence • Unconscious Competence • Mastery

10. External Reality • The Map is Not the Territory • We delete information • We distort information • We generalize • We assign meaning • Models of the World

11. Sensory Data • The Building Blocks of Subjective Experience • What we see • What we hear • What we touch, taste, and smell • The Four-tuple • Meanings and Memories

12. Filtering Experience • Primary Mediation • Secondary Mediation • Genetic predisposition • Conditioning • Personal profiles of behavioral type • Beliefs, values, core questions, and core metaphors • Physical and mental state

13. Perception Can Be Tricky

14. The Communication Process Message Decision- Making Decision- Making Filters Beliefs Values Questions & Metaphors Beh. Type State Filters Beliefs Values Questions & Metaphors Beh. Type State Sensory Data Meaning Meaning Sensory Data Encoding Encoding Sender Receiver Channel The Bowman Communication Model, 1992-2003

15. Metaphor: The Language of Perception • Metaphors and Similes • My love is a flower. • My love is like a flower. • Core Metaphors • Argument is war • Business is war • Business is a sport or a game • Business is a building

16. Core Metaphors • Metaphors, Similes, and Analogies • Perceptual Filters • Common Operational Metaphors • Time is… • Learning is… • Men/Women are… • Success is... • Life is…

17. Experience, Language, and Meaning Language Meaning Mental Maps Sensory Data Experience

18. Symbol Systems • Language • Words and sentences • Meaning and labels • Mathematics • Money 1+1=2

19. History of Communication • Nonverbal: 150,000 years • Oral: 55,000 years • Written: 6,000 years • Early writing: 4000 BC • Egyptian hieroglyphics: 3000 BC • Phoenician alphabet: 1500 to 2000 BC • Book printing in China: 600 BC • Book printing in Europe: 1400 AD

20. Communicating Meaning • Physiology and Appearance: 55 percent • Paralanguage: 38 percent • Language: 7 percent

21. Sensory Data and Mental Maps • Bridge Between Internal and External • Internal and External Processing • Internal Processing • Posture and breathing • Language and paralanguage • Eye accessing cues

22. Sensory Modalities • Visual • Auditory • Kinesthetic • Touch • Taste • Smell • Emotional responses (feelings)

23. Preferred Sensory Modalities • People Use All Their Available Senses • Some Prefer Visual • Some Prefer Auditory • Some Prefer the Kinesthetic Cluster • Senses of touch, taste, and smell • Associated emotional responses • Some Prefer “Digital” Processing

24. Visuals • Vocabulary • I see what you mean. • It looks good to me. • Let’s stay focused on the problem. • She has a bright future. • He’s always in a fog. • Physiology and Appearance • Paralanguage

25. Auditories • Vocabulary • I hear what you are saying. • It sounds good to me. • Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? • That’s music to my ears. • He’s always blowing his own horn. • Physiology and Appearance • Paralanguage

26. Kinesthetics (Kinos) • Vocabulary • I can grasp the concept, and it feels right to me. • It smells fishy to me. • It left me with a bad taste in my mouth. • She’s still rough around the edges. • He’s a smooth operator. • Physiology and Appearance • Paralanguage

27. Eye Accessing Cues Vr Vc Ar Ac Ai K

28. Exercise: Observing Eye Movements • Ask questions that require internal processing. • Visual • Auditory • Kinesthetic • Taste or smell • Touch • Emotions

29. Exercise: Flexibility • Determine your preferred system. • What are you doing when you “think”? • Speak for two minutes using predicates from one sensory modality, then do the the same for each of the other two. • Work in groups and take turns speaking using sense-based predicates in a systematic way.

30. Rapport • Finding Commonalities • Values • Vocabulary and paralanguage • Physiology and appearance • Matching and Mirroring • Cross-over Matching People who are like each other, like each other.

31. Developing Rapport • Nonverbal (what you see and do) • Physiology • Appearance • Congruence • Verbal (what you hear and say) • Sense-based predicates • Values, beliefs, and criteria • Voice tone and rate of speech

32. Reading Nonverbal Messages • Sensory Acuity • Agree and Disagree • Posture and Movement • Associated or dissociated • Bodily response

33. Exercises: Rapport • Matching and Mirroring • Observing others • Practicing • Calibration • Like/dislike • Yes/no

35. Congruence • Physiology • Left/right body • Left/right brain • Nonverbal and Verbal Messages • “Parts” • Groups

36. Strategies • The Structure of Subjective Experience • Four-tuples • Syntax • Learned Behavior • TOTE (Test, Operate, Test, Exit) • Habits • Skills

37. Common Strategies • Spelling • Auditory (spell “phonics” phonetically) • Visual • Making Decisions • Communicating • Listening and speaking • Writing Accommodate

38. Decision-making Strategies • Purchasing • An inexpensive product • Dinner in a nice restaurant • An expensive product or service • Relationships • Career Choices

39. Communication Strategy, 1 & 2 • Pace • Match (nonverbally and verbally) • Meet expectations • Lead • Set direction • Maintain interest • Maintain rapport

40. Communication Strategy, 3 & 4 • Blend Outcomes • Understand objectives and desires • Create win-win solutions • Motivate • Clarify who does what next • Future-pace possibilities • Presuppose positive results

41. Exercise: Eliciting Strategies • Ordering a Meal in a Restaurant • Learning Something New • Teaching Something for the First Time

42. Personal Profiles • Achiever • Communicator • Specialist • Perfectionist A C P S

43. Profile Characteristics • Achiever • Likes to set goals, challenge the environment and win. • Sees life as a competition. • Communicator • Likes to achieve results by working with and through people. • Finds more enjoyment in the process than in the results. • Specialist • Likes to plan work and relationships. • Finds enjoyment in knowing what to expect. • Perfectionist • Enjoys jobs requiring attention to detail. • Complies with authority and tries to provide the “right” answer.

44. Metaprograms • Action — Initiate or Respond • Direction — Toward or Away From • Source — Internal or External • Conduct — Rule Follower or Breaker

45. More Metaprograms • Response — Match or Mismatch • Scope — Global or Specific • Cognitive Style — Thinking or Feeling • Confirmation — VAK and Times

46. Exercise: Eliciting Metaprograms • Metaprograms are revealed by • Nonverbal messages • Language • Question s • What do you mean? • How do you know? • What’s important to you about that?

47. Changing Behavior • Patterns and Pattern Interrupts • Anchors and Anchoring • Stimulus-response conditioning • Visual, auditory, and kinesthetic anchors • Advanced Language Patterns • The Metamodel • The Milton Model

48. Exercise: Anchoring • Setting Anchors • Kinesthetic • Visual • Auditory • Stacking Anchors • Collapsing Anchors • Using Sliding Anchors

49. The Structure of Subjective Experience • Sorting for Time • Past, present, and future • Timelines • Sorting for Like and Dislike • Creating and Changing Meaning

50. Modalities and Submodalities • Visual Submodalities • Location, size, distance, brightness, point of view • Color or black & white, moving or still • Auditory Submodalities • Location, tone, rate, pitch, inflection, rhythm • Language, voice (your voice, the voice of a parent) • Kinesthetic Submodalities • Location, strength, duration, movement • Quality (warm, cold, “tingly,” etc.)