Dating Advice for Women

1. Dating Advice for Women

2. Obstacles to Dating? • Not knowing what to say • Saying something inappropriate • Lacking confidence • Not knowing where to meet people • Any more?

3. 3. The basics • Present yourself well • Safety • Personal space – arm’s length rule

4. 4. Where to meet new people • Online forums i.e. gaming sites or topical/interest forums • Social groups – this could be Asperger specific or not • Hobbies or interest groups – meet someone with a similar interest • Online dating agencies (list on hand-out)

5. 5. The Do’s of Dating • Be polite! • Compliment appropriately • Be positive and upbeat • Smile! • Ask questions about the other person – show an interest • Do try and notice if the other person is interested – through smiling, asking you questions, nodding their head, sat towards you or other encouragers such as mmm’s or OK’s.

6. 6. The Don’ts of Dating • Don’t just talk about yourself • Don’t be late • Don’t make things up about yourself that aren’t true • Don’t swear excessively • Don’t just end the date or conversation abruptly

7. 7. Initial Conversations • How do I first start talking to someone? • Role Play: example of a bad first conversation • Role Play: example of a good first conversation • How did the other person react? • Remember: 50:50 involvement – it’s not all up to you!

8. 8. Online Dating • Dating websites – on the hand-out. Mates and Dates, for example. • Getting your profile right – Aspiration service can help • What makes a good profile picture? • Include in your profile: personal description, hobbies, interests, what you’re looking for • Keep it positive!

9. Good Examples of Online Dating Profiles Handout

10. 10 minute break – please use the pieces of paper provided to write down any questions

11. 10. What to put in a first message? • Introduce yourself • Say why you are interested in them – what did you see in their profile that made you want to contact them? • Do you have things in common? If so, ask a question about it. • If the other person doesn’t reply – they might not have seen the message, could be busy, it might be an old profile they’ve not deleted yet, or they might think you’re not a suitable match for them. • Rejection happens to everyone!

12. 11. Asking someone on a date? • Arrange to meet for the first time in a public place, during the day • Make sure someone knows where you are and let them know when you get back from the date (friends, family) • Don’t invite them to your house, or go to their house, on a first date (and don’t get a lift from them) • Have a goal to the date, for example getting a coffee that won’t take too long • Ask if there is anything the other person would like to do • Nervous? Practice going to the location before the date • If someone doesn’t want to go on a date, be polite and move on.

13. 12. Dangers of Online Dating • Online dating can be dangerous and it is important to be aware of the dangers • Stick with reputable dating sites – see the list we have provided • Protect your personal information – don’t give out your address, bank details • Tell someone where you are going if you arrange to meet someone, and let the person know when you get back safe • Do not get in the vehicle of someone you have just met • Always meet for the first few times in a public, safe place • Try not to get too intoxicated with alcohol

14. First DatesWhat do I talk about? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PsCtWZE7Us

15. 14. First Date Tips • Everyone gets nervous on a first date – including the other person! • Likewise everyone can be awkward or uncomfortable • Importance of small talk – on a first date keep conversation light and casual. Some examples of good questions: Have you been on holiday lately? What is your favourite food? Do you have a big family? Try to follow each question with further questions or discuss your own experience. • If you have enjoyed the date – say so! • Don’t abruptly end the date

16. How to tell if he fancies you……. If he’s agreed to a date, it’s a pretty safe bet that she has already seen something in you that he likes – you’ve got yourself a first date – this in itself speaks volumes Tell tale signs: Eye contact – he makes eye contact with you when you are talking Physical contact – if he bumps into or brushes his hand against you, this could be his way of saying he is interested Body language – look out for an open stance Smiling – if he is genuinely smiling, you will be able to tell by his eyes Signs he is not interested: Spends a lot of time on his phone, yawning or looking away, biting his fingernails, crossed arms.

17. Preparing for a first date https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uorrDNf968

18. 15. Telling Someone you have AS • It will be helpful to the other person to explain you have Asperger Syndrome • The other person may not know what this means – explain it to them • Tell them what you like and don’t like – for example, you dislike making eye contact and find body language difficult to read, or you like things to be planned. • Focus on the positives of AS and your personality!

19. Questions Contact details: Kingwood Aspiration 01235 532680 First Floor 6 Lombard Street aspiration@kingwood.org.uk Abingdon OX14 5BJ