Ted Loss https://youtube/watch?v=PBzEwf1k59Y Dr Crouch 5 minutes

1. What I did to this file 14th November 2015Added more youtube clips Added my work in 2015 Added health and safety from New Living with B & Loss Updated & Cut down Bereavement theory from New Living with B &Loss 2015 Added Freud Melancholia

2. Ted Loss https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBzEwf1k59Y Dr Crouch 5 minutes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=im5SXmhsKls Social Worker Brother Suicide https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaEgBozJmEc Dr Crouch Session + Review 14 minutes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmtzEFRwYXU Bowlby Theory 11 minshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=js2XdP9FL5Q Kubler Ross 50minutes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTxOiq3V7Bw Kubler Ross 5 minutes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6yvJ_MWnJE&list=PL658013E3C41CBC6C

4. Working with Bereavement & Loss • Saturday 12th November 2016 • 10.30 - 4.30pm

5. AdministrationThe Building

6. Health & Safety • At the start of the course, please ensure that students understand what to do in the event of a fire. The assembly point for any evacuation is in KEAN STREETTake the laminated room number sign from the classroom wall and instruct students to assemble with you, using the room number as your ‘flag’. If students have mobility problems, direct them to the student lounge on that floor and someone should wait with them until a Fire Marshal arrives to assist them to safety (via the fire-fighting lift) • There is a full set of guidelines in each room

7. First Aid Telephone 2801 to contact a first-aider via the internal telephones in the student lounges or in room 218 Second Floor rooms 206 and 210 have First Aid Boxes.

8. Toilets Ladies: floors G,1,3,4,6 Gents: floors G, 2, 5 Disabled: Each level

9. Student Administration • Signing the register • Completing Feedback Forms at the end of the Day

10. Adrian Scott • MSc Senior MBACP Accredited • www.counsellingme.co.uk • 07956 292 740 • adrianscott@counsellingme.co.uk

11. Paper Free! pdf files on website • www.counsellingme.co.uk • Background Menu • 07956 292 740 • adrianscott@counsellingme.co.uk

12. My Experience • MBACP Senior Accredited Counsellor • MBACP Senior Accredited Supervisor for Individuals and Groups • Managed Counselling services in Voluntary Sector • Bereaved, Homeless, Mental health, Carers

13. My Work 2015 • Assessor / Group Supervisor at Mind in Enfield Group Supervisor at Mind in Haringey • Group Supervisor at Family Action, Angel • Group Facilitator at College of North East London • Group Facilitator at Southwark Day Centre for Refugees and Asylum Seekers • Private Practice in Haringey North London Individuals, Couples, Individual Supervision

14. Expert • Not a guru or Bereavement expert • Do not know everything • Ideas to be Debated / Challenged

15. Other City Literary Courses • Introduction to Psychodynamic Counselling • Introduction to the Unconscious • Living through Bereavement

16. My First Working Bereavement Working Experience • Bereavement Counsellor at the • London Hospital in 1989 • Led by Dr. Colin Murray Parkes • Theory / Case Study

17. Morning Session • 10.40Introduction • 10.55 Icebreaker Exercise • 11.40Break • 12.00Theory and Group Discussion • 1pmLunch

18. Afternoon Session • 2pm Working with your own Bereavement & Loss 2.45pmBreak • 3pmWorking with Bereavement & Loss • 3.30 Case Examples – Video • 4.10Round Up / administration • 4.30End

19. Your Experience & IdeasCase Examples

20. Audio Visual Various Clips from Youtube Bereavement TV Programmes

21. Learning Outcomes • Icebreaker Exercise - Counselling Skills • Listening, Hearing, Reflecting back • Understanding Bereavement & Loss Theory Models and Attachment • Assessment Exercise - Own Experience/ AttachmentPersonal Experience – Own Therapy • Understanding of Bereavement CounsellingCriteria Methods • Video Case ExamplesSeeing others peoples’ reaction to Bereavement and Loss

22. The Day • Wide range of skills in the room • Hope you all get something out of it • I am not an expert on Bereavement • Encourage you to have your own view

23. Boundaries • Look after yourselves Bereavement can be a difficult and emotive subject • Do not say anything you do not want to say. This is not a therapy group! • Confidentiality Agreement - All information should be kept to this room and with this group of people.

24. Icebreaker Exercise Ask Your Colleague: 1. What brought you here? 2. What is your interest and experience ofthe subject? 3. What do you want from the day? You will be asked to briefly and concisely to report back what your colleague has told you to the group, and check with your colleague how you did!

25. Icebreaker Exercise Learning Outcomes Basic Counselling Skills Listening Hearing Reflecting back

26. What do you want from the Day? • Are there any Topics, Issues, that you would like to focus or discuss today? Write on flip chart

27. 10-15 minute Break

28. Theory

29. Our Relationship to Theory

30. The Theory • Tool • Guide

31. Preamble before Bereavement Theory • General Principles of Counselling? • Training in Bereavement Counselling – last bastion of old model? - Discuss • Generic Approach Learn about relationship with ourselves • A way to reflect on feelings

32. The Intelligent Human adult……... …..knows that it fruitless to dwell on painful memories and the intrusive images of traumatic events are sometimes so painful that we will go to great lengths to avoid them. We may do this by shutting ourselves up in a safe place (usually our home), and avoiding people and situations that will remind us of the trauma and deliberately filling our minds with thoughts and activities that will distract us from the horror. But it is a paradox that in “ inorder to avoid thinking about something we have to think about it”. That is to say, at some level we remain aware of the danger that we are trying to avoid. Hence it shouldnot be surprise us if our attempts at avoidance commonly fail. In sleep and a time of relaxed attention painful memories tend to float back into our minds and we find ourselves reliving the trauma yet again. Colin Murray-Parkes

33. Link to Counselling “ inorder to avoid thinking about something we have to think about it”.

34. Link to Counselling Counselling is a craft, technique, or practice of thinking and being with feelings which we want to avoid

35. Colin Murray Parkes • Bereavement: Studies of Grief in Adult Life • Paperback: 288 pages • Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd; 3New Ed edition (1998) • ISBN-10: 0140257543

36. “Bereavement Expert” • Since 1966, Parkes has worked at St. Christopher’s Hospice in Sydenham, where he set up the first hospice-based bereavement service and carried out some of the earliest systematic evaluations of hospice care. • Parkeshas also edited books on the nature of human attachments, and Bereavement • Parkesis a former chairman and now life president of the charity Cruse Bereavement Care

37. A Theory of Bereavement • For this course today: • Bereavement is a process of grieving • Loss is the person or object • Life is bereavement • Minor bereavements all the time • Beginnings and endings: relationships, friendships, jobs, work projects, holidays, moving house • Days, weeks, years • We cope with major / minor bereavements in the same way??

38. Types of Loss • Actual loss • Death from old age, illness, accidents. • Old person more acceptable loss • Younger person less acceptable loss Discuss • Perceived loss • Person’s view of loss • Culture, history, family, socialisation? • Bereavement Counselling Time-limited • Focus solely on bereavement

39. Bereavement Study • Colin Murray ParkesPsychiatrist at Royal London Hospital • Effect of the loss of husbands on group of widows in London’s East End • Discuss: limitations? • 1987 Case study of Henry who survived capsized ferry in Zubbregge, Holland • Discuss: accidents/ terrorism /wartime/peacetime?

40. The Cost Of Commitment • Gain Investment in relationships: emotional, physical, financial. Lives enriched but there is a ………. • Cost Risk of losing Gain

41. Process of Bereavement • Start after loss? • Fade away? • Remain repressed not allowed to begin? • Part of the process begins / Other parts held back. • Bereavement is like a tide: it flows back and forth through the stages • Individual / Personal

42. BEWARE! Comment on Bereavement Stages: “the stages might lead people to expect the bereaved to proceed from one clearly identifiable reaction to another in a more orderly fashion than usually occurs. It might also result in … hasty assessments of where individuals are or ought to be in the grieving process” P.351 Handbook of Bereavement, Cambridge 1993

43. Bereavement is like a tide

44. Bereavement Summary “ inorder to avoid thinking about something we have to think about it”. Link to Counselling Bereavement is a process of grieving Loss is the person or object this is lost The Cost Of CommitmentBereavement is Individual and PersonalThe stages to do not occur in order Bereavement is like a tide

45. Stages of Bereavement Theory • 1. Alarm • 2. Searching • 3. Mitigation – Lessening the Impact • 4. Anger & Guilt • 5. Disorganisation & Despair • 6. Gaining a New Identity (Theory is theory - feel able to agree or contradict it! Discuss) Colin Murray-Parkes

46. 1.Alarm • Tension, Shock, Panic, Disbelief Restlessness • Numbness – some emotions break through • Preoccupation / obsessiveness with thoughts of the lost person. • Self-care neglected   • Breakdown of customs / behaviour • Sensitive to noise, conflict, administration • Shut down to avoid feelings

47. 2.Searching • Calling for the lost person • Sobbing, tearfulness, • Feeling of loss / lost Discuss • Visit places of experience • Aimless searching – irrational? • Find lost person

48. 3.Mitigation–Lessening Impact of Bereavement • Components of grief work • Pre-occupation / wish to find the person • Repeating, painful recollection of the loss • Discuss: patterns, PTSD • Making sense of the loss to fit assumptions Discuss: meaning? • Dreams • Common dream: happy interaction with the dead • Pining / Avoidance of Pining • Idealised person - forget the negativeaspects of the person

49. 4.Anger and Guilt • Familiarity • Misdirection • Blame / Self Blame • Family Split • Resistance

50. 5.Disorganisation and Despair • Period of uncertainty • New set of expectations Time / Acceptance? • Old model of the world abandoned • Other people: support, security, protection. • Take on the reality of what has happened • Identifying with lost person – method of avoiding the loss of that person