Mai’s Diary

1. Mai’s Diary If this Diary is ever lost. Please return it to Mai Yang. This contains personal information so please do not open.

2. Refugee Camp Dear Diary, My name is Mai. I am so excited to be in America! I am finally here! I learned that some Americans write something called a “diary”. I want to become more like them to fit in at school and understand what my cousins say. I learned that diaries record daily events. Today, I learned to sit on an American toilet and not fall in! Everything is so clean and beautiful! America is wonderful! If I knew America was this wonderful I would have come here as soon as I can! I can’t wait to spend more time with my cousins See and Pa Cua! I am so excited! I have so much to say to them! Where to begin?

3. Airplane Dear Diary, I can’t believe it! I can’t believe it! I am currently riding one of those beautiful metal birds! It feels wonderful! When the food came, I almost swallowed a bitter white square they explained to clean our hands with! How embarrassing,! When the kind flight attendant Nancy gave me a pick stick called lipstick, I was really really happy! She said I looked “pretty” I put them on. With no consideration of how I felt, Grandma rubbed the lipstick off with an old Pa’ndau. I had to fight to keep the tears from coming down my cheeks. Grandma didn’t know anything about America! I was the one who studied it! I hate her. I hate Grandma and her Hmong ways. Did I dare?

4. The Strangers Heather and Lisa Dear Diary, Today was all about ups and downs. Everyone was happy and the meal was wonderful. I couldn’t wait for the next meal! However, See and Pa Cua changed a lot. They stopped doing Pa’ndau, they wore blue pants called jeans and tops called T-shirts. Still, I couldn’t wait to spend time with them! They told me they were taking me shopping, instead, they used me as an excuse to see their boyfriends- Bobby and Lue. I saw them smoke, drink, and literally on top of each other. They still done so even though it was illegal. I’ve done something illegal! But I can’t tell anyone. They would hate me forever. Who would I talk to? What should I do? See and Pa Cua, why did you guys change?

5. New year, new war Dear Diary, I can barely contain myself. It’s the New Year and Heather and Lisa took me down town where there was a lot of people celebrating. I felt like we were all a big family. I was grinning inside out! My ecstatic mood was ruined by a secret. Heather told me I could have come to America the same time they did! Grandma had kept in that filthy camp for five extra years! How could she? What a selfish person! I told her everyday how I wished to come to America! She lied. She lied to me everyday in that five years! She only thought about herself and her beloved Hmong culture and homeland. She could’ve stay herself if she really wanted to! I hate her! She should just die!

6. Grandma, goodbye Dear Diary, I regret what I wrote in the earlier, about wanting Grandma to die. Now she really is, I wish she was with me longer. I regret so much. Why didn’t I cherish the time we had together more? I can’t stop thinking about Grandma’s spirit. Is she free? Is she happy? Will her spirit dwell on the living? I hate myself for so many things. I hate myself for hating Grandma. I hate myself for not being beside her. I hate myself for not being more patient with her. Now, I have so much regret, so much hatred with no one to direct to. It was me. It was I who killed Grandma. It’s all my fault. Now she’s gone, I realized I love her.