Talking with Students

Talking with Students Getting the Most Out of Brief Moments

Establish Your Authority • Teachers must demonstrate authority: • OK if assertive but not dictatorial: • “This is my decision.” “I have considered several options, and this is what we are going to do.” “It is my job to make sure that . . .” • Dictatorial • “Do this because I said so” • Think of it like the three types of parenting: • Authoritarian – dictator, hostile • Permissive – laissez faire (non-assertive, hands off) • Authoritative – firm, calm, confident

Assertive Discipline Practice

Talking to Students 1 on 1 When addressing misbehavior, it's important to delete 4 things from our commentary • "Why Questions" • The word "YOU" • The words "NO" and "DON'T“ • Lecturing/Nagging/Berating From behavior advisor

1. Why Questions • Typically, students will make excuses which has the potential to tangent the conversation • "Why are you doing that?" HOWEVER

1. Why Questions Why questions do work sometimes • Mr. Fazio (colleague of instructor) had a manner and way which students trusted; they knew he cared and would sometimes open up (he was great) • Why questions can get students thinking about a behavior, recognizing its existence, owning it, and preparing to stop it • Suggestions: Stay on topic, don’t get distracted, and KEEP ASKING THE QUESTION!! BE HONEST when a student starts to give you BS! • Erica, why did you call Myra fat? “I didn’t.” Why did you say that? “Because she is.” Why did you say that? “Man, alright, she was talking to my man at lunch, laughing and stuff.” • What might you as the teacher say next?

2. The word YOU- Use “I messages” instead Examples: • "You weren't listening. You're gonna end up on welfare." Instead: "I want my students to listen closely so that they can learn important things that will help them succeed in life." • "If you use your garbage mouth one more time, you're losing recess." Instead: "I need to hear only appropriate words for the rest of the period. That way recess will still be on the schedule." • "You're a rude little bugger." Instead: "I feel bad when my students speak in a mean way. Please tell me what you want in a polite way...that's the only way you'll ever get it. (knowing smile here)“

Your Turn Practice: • "You're outta your spot again." • "What's wrong with you?" (poking someone) • "Oh no...What did you do that for?" (throw equipment again) • "You better start paying attention." • "You're living down to your reputation."

Your Turn Practice: • "Why do you always do this to yourself?" (not following directions) • "You're doing it all wrong." (rotating stations) • "You're so mean” (criticizing another student) • "Stephanie, why are you always breaking things?" • "Don't deny it. You're the one who was talking Jordan."

3. Deleting “No” and “Don’t” • Doesn’t tell students what they ought to be doing. • Bill, don’t touch the bean bag • Tamara, there is no talking now • Teach students what the should be doing • Bill, please put the bean bag on the floor • Tamara, now is a time for listening

4. Avoid Lecturing Students • “Fran, you've walked out of the door again without your backpack. Where's your head at. You're so busy gossiping with all your friends you're not even thinking about what you're supposed to do. Sometimes I think you'd lose your head if it weren't tied to your neck. C'mon. Get with it girl." • Here's what Fran actually heard: "Fran, you've blah, blah, blah, yakety yak, blah, blah, blah...") • Remember Charlie Brown’s teacher?

4. Avoid Lecturing Students Try: "Betsy. Your schoolbag." This technique avoids: • Nagging, causing, embarrassment, negative self image, retaliation from defiant youngsters • Short statements motivate youngsters to: • think about the limited information • identify the problem • devise a solution • exercise their own initiative & resolve the problem

Language When Talking to Students TALKING TO A STUDENT 1 ON 1 • Step 1:Identification of the problem with an I statement • Step 2: Active Listening (if necessary) • Step 3: Two Options • Teacher centered response, may include a consequence • Response cost • Time out • Daily report • Etc Student Centered Response Decide upon a solution together and get student to verbally agree to it. ie: not sharing… “What can you do that change that”

Example Dialogue (8th grade) • Miguel, I find it difficult to teach if you’re talking while I’m talking (I statement) • I wasn’t doing that [could talk about character] • Miguel, I saw you with my owns eyes • Donny’s keep whispering stuff • So you’re saying Donny is distracting you right? (active listening) • Ya • Well, how do you think we might solve this? • We just won’t talk. • I’d like to trust you but you said that last time. What else could we try? • Man, we just won’t be on the same team no more (student generated solution) • Why don’t we say the next couple weeks. Can you do that? • Ya • You’re a good kid Miguel, I know you can. See you Wednesday.

Practice Time:Ground Rules • You may reach a settlement, you may not. • You may dispense a punishment, you may not. • You may reference behavioral, humanistic, or biophysical techniques. • You must respond a minimum of 5 times each. • Vary the difficulty (don’t always be a pain) • Provide feedback after you conclude your 1 on 1 chat (minimum of 1 comment each)

Scenario 1 • A student is just having a bad day and is pissed off at everyone and everything. Student comes into the gym and kicks a cone set out for the PACER test. It flies across the gym and nearly hits another student. The teacher calls the student over.

Language When Talking to Students Steps: • “I” statements • Active listening • Two choices • Teacher centered response, may include a consequence • Student centered solution (Ask questions - don’t try and solve the problem, ie: not sharing… “What can you do that change that” Disarming language • Avoid using “why” questions, YOU, NO, DON’T, and Lecturing • Don’t get adversarial (attach dog mentality) • Keep your cool Use “can” and “will,” not “should” • “You shouldn’t have done that.” • “Can you put the equipment away nicely next time”

Scenario 2 • During PE, no students are allowed in the locker to prevent thefts. During class, you unexpectedly return to the locker room (you team teach) and find a student in the locker room.

Scenario 3 • During a small group activity, one student personally attacks another student for not playing well by calling them a “fat loser.” The student who is the object of the insult immediately goes and sits out along the bleachers.

Scenario 4 • The teacher is discussing fitness principles at the dry erase board. Every time the teacher turns to write something on the board, a piece of pencil eraser flies up and hits the dry erase board. You notice who it is and after class decide to confront the student.

Scenario 5 • For a second consecutive class, a student is participating at a low level on the Levels of Involvement Rubric, a scale you use to evaluate students’ daily participation. You are uncertain what is causing the behavior but clearly the student’s grade is going down and they are not learning the material. The teacher decides to speak with the student during a changeover in the badminton tournament.

Scenario 6 • During volleyball, instead of rolling the ball under the net to the server, a student throws it over the net for a second time, both of which the teacher addressed verbally. In a sign of defiance against the teacher, the student forcibly kicks the ball across the net. The other students laugh.

Talking with Students