Concrete details and Commentary

1. Concrete details and Commentary

2. What they are… • Concrete details are facts. They cannot be debated. Synonyms include specific details, supporting details, proof, evidence, data. • Commentary is opinion on the concrete details. Synonyms include elaboration, analysis, interpretation, explanation.

3. Chunk • A chunk of information is a part of a body paragraph made up of a concrete detail (CD) and two sentences of commentary (CM). • Pizarro held the Inca King Atahualpa captive for ransom for eight months; when he received the ransom, Pizarro killed the king (CD). Pizarro is ruthless (CM 1). He will acquire gold for Spain and promote his reputation even if it means lying and then murdering a great leader (CM).

4. CDs and CM cont. • If you have trouble creating CM from your CDs, one way to start is by writing “This shows” or “this demonstrates that” and then finishing the sentence.

5. Writing CM • For example, with the chunk of information in slide three, the writer might have begun the CM with “This shows that Pizarro is ruthless.” • For the second sentence of CM the writer might have begun: “This also demonstrates that Pizarro will acquire gold…”

6. Writing CM continued • Sometimes one sentence of CM can build on the sentence that came before it. For example, take the following chunk of information: • The protagonist of the story, Belisa Crepusculario, buries her brothers and sisters, who died in a severe drought, and then walks across the desert alone to escape the drought (CD). This shows that Belisa is determined (CM 1). She will do whatever it takes to survive and avoid the fate of her siblings (CM2).

7. Commentary that Interprets • Another way to use CM is to interpret the meaning of the concrete detail. • For instance, the writer might begin the CM with “This means…” or “In other words…” • Note how the writer does this in the following example: Belisa tells herself that most girls in her country only have two ways to make a living: to work as a prostitute or as a servant (CD). This means that women in her culture have little economic power (CM1). Their choices are severely limited (CM2).

8. Some final pointers • Commentary needs to reinforce the topic sentence of the paragraph; this is how the CM maintains the focus. • Although you begin you CM with this shows, this demonstrates, or this means in the rough draft, you can almost always remove these phrases in your final draft. So This shows that Pizarro is ruthless. Becomes Pizarro is ruthless.