Parents in the Know: Love, Bodies and Relationship Talks with Your Middle Schooler

1. Parents in the Know: Love, Bodies and Relationship Talks with Your Middle Schooler Mears Middle School Parent Series May 2006

2. Presenter: Katherine Huffman, MAT Education Trainer and Advisor Planned Parenthood of Alaska 4001 Lake Otis Parkway Anchorage, Alaska 770-9702 Ed. Office, 563-2229 Clinic

3. PPA’s Mission Through reproductive health care, education, and advocacy, the mission of Planned Parenthood of Alaska is to support the lifelong sexual health of all Alaskans and ensure that every child is a wanted child.

4. Objectives • Increase knowledge about adolescent development, sexual behavior trends and issues • Explore awareness of how own learning impacts effective message delivery and clarify the values you wish to convey to your children • Improve communication skills and increase comfort level about discussing sex and sexuality issues with your children • Accept invitation to apply new learning by utilizing structured activities and resources at home

5. Increasing the Competency of Sexuality Educators: • Examine own learning, experiences, values • Learn about sexual development through lifespan • Become comfortable with the language of sexuality • Analyze media for messages about sex, masculinity, femininity, and family life • Practice answering sensitive questions. -Peggy brick, the sexuality education challenge: promoting healthy sexuality in young people, ETR assoc., 1994.

6. 1. Increasing Our Knowledge… • Human Sexual Development • Timeline Activity • Myths and Facts

7. Holistic Sexuality Sensuality Sexualization Intimacy Sexual Health & Reproduction Sexual Identity

8. Sexual Development “Sexuality is a healthy, lifelong part of being human.” Biological sex Sexual response system Touch and closeness Gender Identity Gender Roles Self-Pleasuring Learn how to Give and Receive Affection Self-Conscious Pubic Hair Breast Development Voice Changes Penis Grows Identity Issues Experimentation Menarche Spermarche Intercourse Sexual Orientation Dating, Lifestyle Choices like monogamy, marriage, co-habitation Condoms and Birth Control Pregnancy Parenting, Prenatal Care, Abortion, Adoption Access to Health Care Communication Values Body Image Menopause, Andropause

9. Timeline Activity!

10. Average Ages of Some Sexual Milestones for U.S. Teens Intend no more children First intercourse Spermarche First marriage First birth MEN 33.2 26.7 14.0 28.5 16.9 AGE 10 15 20 25 30 35 30.9 25.1 26.0 17.4 12.6 WOMEN Menarche First intercourse Intend no more children First marriage First birth

11. Myths and Facts • Talking with children, including school-based comprehensive sexuality education programs, increase a child’s curiosity and sexual risk-taking. (myth) • The average age of first sex in the U.S. is around 16.5 years old. (fact) • About half of American 9th-12th graders have had sex. Alaska 2003 YRBS data cites 40% of high school students have had sex. (fact)

12. Myths and Facts, cont. • Teens who are gay or lesbian know this about themselves by age 15. (true) • Alaska’s chlamydia rate is twice the national average. (true) • Most Alaskan’s who have HIV, were diagnosed when they were 25-35. Most were likely infected in their teen years. (true) • Condoms are 86-98% effective in preventing transmission of disease and pregnancy. (true)

13. Myths and Facts, cont. • Alaskans teens have statutory confidential access to reproductive health care including birth control and pregnancy options. (true) • It’s ok for a 14 year old to have sex with a 17 year old if their parents say it’s ok. (false) • Research shows American parents are commonly uncomfortable talking about sexuality with their teens but these conversations are protective factors for those teens. (true)

14. Many U.S. teens experience pregnancy and STDs • 900,000 women younger than 20 become pregnant each year • 80% of these pregnancies are unintended • Four million teens acquire an STD each year • Two young people every hour become infected with HIV

15. Other health connections with unintended pregnancy: Young teens and older partners (coercion, abuse, low contraceptive use) Tobacco, alcohol, drugs and unsafe sex Poverty Intimate partner violence Gay and lesbian teens – risky behaviors, unsafe sex, suicide, drop out rates, violence Suicide Dropping out of school

16. The teenage pregnancy rate is going down

17. Both abstinence and contraceptive use are responsible for the decline in teenage pregnancy Cause of decline

18. 2. Exploring Our Own Learning and… Event Effect ? Message ?

19. What do you remember about when you first learned something about sex and sexuality? • Consider which messages were helpful/healthful and which were not….

20. Describe a sexually healthy adult… Sensuality Sexualization Intimacy Sexual Health & Reproduction Sexual Identity

21. 2…Clarifying Values What messages about sexuality do you want to communicate to your children?

22. What makes some parents uneasy about talking with their children about sex and sexuality? 3. Improving Skills and Comfort Level….

23. A Bit of Advice for Parents • Be clear about your own sexual values and attitudes • Talk early and often and be specific • Supervise, monitor! Ask where they are! • Encourage group dating over early, steady dating • Help your teenager have options for the future that are more attractive than early pregnancy and parenthood. • Help balance what your kids are watching, reading, listening to with healthy messages and information about more realistic consequences!

24. Advice for Parents (cont…) • Be “askable” – seize teachable moments! • It’s ok to not know the answer! • Decide you will talk with them – choose topic, research, PRACTICE! • Leave reference materials around the house…. • Don’t lecture – simple answers. Don’t assume sexual activity when they have questions about it… • The interview game! • Pick a few websites to look at together…(for example, www.teenwire.com)….

25. Now what do I do? • Why is he or she doing that? • What message do I want to teach about this? • What response will give the message I want to share?

26. 4. Practice Interviewing • A model for conversation starters… • Ground Rules… • Listen without comment • Ok to pass or to draw boundaries about what YOU want to share • Try to set it up so it feels you’re on equal footing with teen…make a “date,” check with their schedule, begin with a compliment or acknowledgement of recent maturity…

27. What are your hopes for your children? Your hopes for the health of his or her body, experience of love and relationships… Or the messages about sex and sexuality you hope to explicitly communicate.

28. Closure – Revisiting Objectives • Increase knowledge about adolescent development, sexual behavior trends and issues • Explore awareness of how own learning impacts effective message delivery and clarify the values you wish to convey to your children • Improve communication skills and increase comfort level about discussing sex and sexuality issues with your children • Accept invitation to apply new learning by utilizing structured activities and resources at home

29. Important resources: www.agi-usa.org, www.siecus.org, State of Alaska public health sites, www.cdc.gov, www.teenwire.com. Contact information: Katherine.Huffman@ppfa.org

30. “…ensuring that sexuality is understood as an essential, lifelong aspect of being human and that it is celebrated with respect, openness and mutuality.” - PPFA, Goal One, Vision 2025