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Family Issues. Chapter 17. A Sign of the Times…. The Effective Family. Jane Howard (1978) observed the following effective characteristics: They have a chief They have a switchboard operator Members have relationships both inside and outside the family They are hospitable
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Family Issues Chapter 17
The Effective Family • Jane Howard (1978) observed the following effective characteristics: • They have a chief • They have a switchboard operator • Members have relationships both inside and outside the family • They are hospitable • They deal squarely with direness
The Effective Family (cont.) • They prize rituals • They are affectionate • They have a sense of place • They connect with posterity • They honor their elders
The Changing Family • Traditional family style no longer universal • About 58% of adults are married and living with spouse • About 58% of 25- to 29-year-old men and 43% of 25- to 29-year-old women have never been married • Only 18% meet stereotypical profile of husband, wife, two children • Boomerang children move back with parents © 2011 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved.
Households by Type, 2007(Figure 17.1) © 2011 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved.
Did You Know? • In 1970, cohabitation was illegal in all 50 states • By 2005 more 5 million Americans were cohabiting with someone of the opposite sex and another 779,867 were cohabiting with same-sex partners © 2011 McGraw-Hill Higher Education. All rights reserved.
When you dive off the high dive with no water in the pool and you crack your head, blame yourself. You can’t jump and hope that there’s water in the pool when you hit.
“Love is…” • Patient • Kind • Does not envy • Does not boast • Is not proud • Is not rude • Is not self-seeking • Is not easily angered • Keeps no record of wrongs • It always protects • Always trusts • Always preserves I Corinthians 13
Responsibilities of the Family • Praise and nurture children • Provide economic support • Supply emotional needs • Love • Sense of belonging • Social support • Security and safety
In the eyes of a child, love is spelled TIME. It’s something you spend, not something you buy. Before time is gone, I hope you will find, in the eyes of a child, love is spelled TIME. Brent Henderson
Taught by the Family • Love • Compassion • Honesty • Forgiveness • Self-discipline • Responsibility • Friendship • Work • Courage • Perseverance • Loyalty • Faith
Up before dawn and out the door, what are we striving for? Seeking to be heroes to strangers, and becoming strangers to our children,what for? Unknown
Youth Problems A disturbing and telling sign of the declining condition among the young is evident in an ongoing survey in which teachers are asked to identify the top problems in America’s public schools. In 1940, teachers identified talking out of turn, chewing gum, making noise, running in the halls, cutting in line, dress code infractions and littering. In 1990, teachers identified drug and alcohol abuse, pregnancy, suicide, rape, robbery and assault.
Signs of Effective Families • Solve problems together • Communicate well • Take time to talk in a healthy fashion • Spend time together • Encourage each other • Committed to family priorities • Spiritually connected
Looking for Someone “Special” • S – Spiritually similar • P – Positive person • E – Educationally congruent • C – Culturally valued similar • I – Intellectually similar • A – Attitude is healthy • L – Loving and lovable
Notes on Marriage • Marriage • 50% fail • Preparation! • Co-habitation • Help or hinder? • Divorce • Effects on adults • Effects on children • Second marriages • 67% fail
In divorce, you have to love your children more than you hate your spouse!
Healthy families work things out, toxic families act things out.
Family Crisis • During any family crisis, children have three questions that their parents should address, even if the children don’t ask them directly: • Will I be all right? • Will you be all right • How will this affect my daily life? • By answering these questions first, parents will help their children keep any other information they’re told about the crisis in better perspective.
1. Needs vs. Wants Attitudes • Era of rising entitlement • Reality
2. Credit • Psychology of lending • Convenience • Device for comfort • Instant gratification • Downfall
3. Budgeting • Assessment • Essentials vs. non-essentials • Discipline
5. Contentment (Attitude) 4. Finding Hidden Assets
Budget Considerations One week? One month? One year? • Coffee/espresso • Water vs. pop • Eating out • Smoking (1 pack/day) • Car expenses (gas, insurance, payment, interest) • Cable T.V. • Entertainment • Credit cards (payments, interest @ 18%) • Savings