A Life of Freedom

1. A Life of Freedom The Practice of Secrecy

2. Problem: Approval Addiction • Symptoms (Strong response to criticism) • A little criticism makes me angry, and a little rejection makes me depressed. • A little praise raises my spirits, and a little success excites me • … like a small boat on the ocean, completely at the mercy of the waves.

3. Solution: “Living Free From our Critics” • Grace to be free in the presence of those who judge our lives and evaluate our actions. • Liberated from the need to impress. • Self esteemed not dependent on others opinions. • Imagine loving those that disapprove of us. • Confusion: • Performance ≠ worth as a person • Smarts, attractiveness or successfulness

4. Our Generalized Other • Identity based on other’s perception = approval addiction. • Irony: Not always others think – its what we think others are thinking. • “It is the Lord who judges me.” 1 Cor 4:4 • Life Stages: • 20s – you live to please others • 30s – you get tired of pleasing others and are annoyed for having to worry about them. • 40s – you realize no one was thinking about you anyways.

5. Approval Addiction & Our Beliefs • “Not another person’s compliment or approval that makes us feel good ; rather it is our belief that there is validity to the compliment” – David Burns. • Our assessment of the validity of their approval or disapproval. • Psychiatric patient vs your teacher.

6. Forms of Approval Addiction • Comparison (Spiritual Bulllimia) • Always craving more, but never satisfied. • Believing we can be happy if we have what others have. • “Do not despise your place, your gifts, or your voice, for you cannot have another’s, and it would not fulfill you if you could.” • Deception (Shading the truth) • “Imposter phenomena” • Truth & projected image are incongruent • Resentment (Obsessing) • Craving approval = resentment of approver. Resent the need for approval.

7. Avoidance • Lot of human behaviors are attempts to show off – “look at me” syndrome. • Approval Addiction: • Not only trying to attract attention for what we do well, but also avoiding saying what we truly think if we believe speaking up could draw disapproval.

8. The Practice of Secrecy • A Practice of Spiritual Discipline: • Give when no one is watching and no longer looks extraordinary; it becomes natural.

9. Resign from Impression Management • What the listener may think. • Attempts to convince that we are assertive, clever, gentle or successful. • “…I don’t watch TV but the other day I saw…”

10. Secrecy Practice of Good Deeds • Opportunities all around us. • Immerse a person in prayer w/o their knowledge. • Memorize Scripture w/o telling others. • Give sacrificially to a person anonymously • Commit random acts of kindness and senseless beauty.

11. The Great Rewards of Secrecy • “Beware of before others in order to be seen by practicing your peity them; for then you have no reward from your Father in Heaven.” • Be modest: Don’t boast about your accomplishments or good things you have done.

12. Jeremiah 9 • 23 This is what the LORD says:        "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom        or the strong man boast of his strength        or the rich man boast of his riches, •  24 but let him who boasts boast about this:        that he understands and knows me,        that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,        justice and righteousness on earth,        for in these I delight,"        declares the LORD.

13. Small Gp time

14. Small Gp Questions? • Do we take criticism with more weight than praise? Why? • Which gp of people do we attach our self worth to? • Do we use self impression management? What kinds of things do we say and with who? • Addicted to approval is not the same as having an appreciation for praise, affirmation and encouragement. What are the differences? • If we are to be modest about our accomplishments will we ever get ahead? Aren’t we at a disadvantage from those around us?