There’s an art:

Some practical strategies for increasing the chance of a successful student-teacher conversation about behaviour There’s an art: Challenge them but like them simultaneously– if they don’t own it, they ain’t going to change it.

Six Tips: Tip #1 Prepare emotionally Tip #2 Show undying good will to the student – make it really hard for them to hate you Tip #3Get Socratic – ask instead of telling Tip #4 Work through stretches of the truth respectfully Tip #5 Be brave enough to admit mistakes Tip #6Be aware of positioning and body language

Tip #1Prepare yourself emotionally Anxiety is perfectly normal How will the student be? Some self administered CBT helps! As painful as this kids is, he’s just a kid…… I’m going to show this kid I like them and I’m going to stick at it …….* Supporting Teachers in the Work Place – Bill Rogers

Tip #2: Show undying good will to the student – make it really hard for them to hate you

Be calm, persist Relationship Show you like ‘em (or fake it). Otherwise, they’ll bunker down and lash out to protect themselves. “Go to war” Think fast When in conflict, never ask; “What did you just say?” “Why did you do that?” LEAVE SECONDARY BEHAVIOUR ALONE…. Pretend you didn’t hear or say “I’m sorry you feel that way…” Avoid defending your position. Say: “Yeah! I can't make you do anything you don’t want to do.” "I like you too much to argue about this.” “That might be so, this is how it is going to be.” • Deal with ANGER calmly • It’s an emotion that needs a VOICE • There are ways to deal better with • with this raw emotion: • Avoid demanding instant reform • These students rely on intelligent, emotionally poised teachers • Develop exit procedures - cool down cards, tickets, rewards, etc • Usually, system, parental and external support is crucial • Use POSITIVE BEHAVIOURAL SUPPORTS (may take years)

Use an affective statement straight up “Mal, I like having you in this class. I need you to know that. But I was disappointed with your response when I asked you to get back on with your work. That’s just not like you to get uptight like that about simple teacher requests. What do you need me to know about what happened? You're the problem: You suck Step 1: Affirm student “You hate me / pick on me” Step 2: Challenge the behaviour “I can get away with stuff” Step 2a: Re-affirm student “So you don’t like me now?” I’m the problem: I suck “You don’t listen, it’s not fair” Step 3: Give Right of reply How I acted was the problem, You’re okay, I’m okay

The Restorative Practices Continuum Thorsborne & Vinegrad 2009 Process Affective statement Individual conference Small group conference Large group conference Classroom conference Community conference ‘The more serious the harm done, the more serious will be the response’ Teacher and several students Teachers, parents and students Teacher and Student Teachers and whole class Participants

Dr. Robert Cialdini’s Research on Ethical Influence The Principle of liking Regent's Professor, Arizona State UniversityE-mail Robert Cialdini, Ph.D. www.influenceatwork.com

How do you convey ‘liking’ to a student without looking like a suck? Putthe spotlight on positive behaviour – what you notice will grow Positive feedback on work – written can be effective Greet students politely Challenge respectfully Say ‘goodbye’ on their way out Make a quick comment on something they’re interested in – act naive about it and invite them to teach you! Group praise Proximity praise – short and punchy Be careful about public praise Non-verbal praise Don’t be afraid to make yourself look a bit goofy What ideas do you have Given the documented positive effects of teacher praise, it is puzzling why so many teachers make little use if it (Gable et a., 1983; Gunther & Denny, 1998; Shores et al., 1993; Sutherland & Wehby, 2001; Sutherland et al., 2002) cited in Gable, Hester, Rock & Hughes (2009)

WITHDRAWAL ATTACK OTHERS ATTACK SELF AVOIDANCE Understanding Shame & Humiliation We can only learn something positive from the painful emotion of shame when we feel respected and accepted, particularly by those who point our shortcomings out to us. Those who don’t feel loved, or lack the ability to love themselves can’t learn anything positive from shame. Human Affect Theory Donald Nathanson MD.

Braithwaite's Reintegrative Shaming Theory applied... We are far less likely to acknowledge we have done the wrong thing if we feel disliked by the person confronting us If a student feels we like and accept them they are more likely that they will accept the tough feedback when we have to give it Chips in the bank are extremely important – make sure the bank has something in it when we need to make a withdrawal!

Tip #3:Get Socratic – ask questions instead of telling (Name) Do you have any questions for me about why I asked you to leave the room.... Or Do you understand the reasons I... Or Do you know why I ...? • Questioning instead of telling: • Conveys our desire to listen to them • Avoid cutting off / interrupting / contradicting • Be ready for different perception, blame, sugar coating

The Socratic Style – Restorative Questions What was happening from your side? What made you decide to.../ What were you hoping would happen... What do you think about that now we’re having a chat about it? Who was affected by your behaviour (and how)....(what about you?) Which classroom rule was affected what you did? What do you think needs to happen to clean this mess up?* What ‘s a fair way for me to deal with it if this happens again?

The Restorative Practices Continuum Thorsborne & Vinegrad 2009 Process Affective statement Individual conference Small group conference Large group conference Classroom conference Community conference ‘The more serious the harm done, the more serious will be the response’ Teacher and several students Teachers, parents and students Teacher and Student Teachers and whole class Participants

Tip #4: Work through stretches of the truth Be ready for a different version of the story - don’t expect a completely accurate account or get caught in small details* remain calm, friendly and respectful – don’t contradict or interrupt them Point out what you agree on 1st“I agree right up until the part where...” Challenge without accusing them of lying and lead them through your recollection “This is how I saw it...” “This is what I wrote down about it...” Use discrepancy assertion “Look, this confuses me Ben. On the one hand you're saying that you worked all lesson but on the other hand I have nothing that shows me that”

Be specific about the behaviour: Avoid using general terms to describe the behaviour: • “You acted inappropriately” • “You were rude” • “You showed me attitude” • “You were violent” Name it, ask permission to mirror it

Tip #5: Be brave enough to admit own mistakes Shared responsibility taking is a very powerful thing – it sometimes sets reciprocity in action If you made a bad call, a wrong assumption, had a human moment, forgive yourself and admit it “I could have handled that part better” “I got really cranky and it didn’t help the situation” “I missed that bit” This empowers kids to take responsibility for their bad decisions We are (after all) modelling the restorative spirit

Tip #6: Be aware of positioning and body language Adolescent boys are not too far from the jungle! Where’s the door? Know your own defensive quirks*

Six Tips Overview: Tip #1 Prepare emotionally Tip #2 Show undying good will to the student unleash the power of affective statements Tip #3 Get Socratic – ask questions instead of telling Tip #4 Work through stretches of the truth Tip #5 Be brave enough to admit own mistakes Tip #6Be aware of positioning and body language

There’s an art:

There’s an art:

Presentation Transcript