Chapter 8: Peer Relationships

1. Chapter 8: Peer Relationships

2. During adolescence, you continue to develop your identity which is influenced by many factors. Peers are people of similar age who share similar interests. • Friendships • Similar values, interests, beliefs, and attitudes • open and honest communication • Sharing of joys, disappointments, dreams, and concerns • Mutual respect, caring, and support • Concern about each other’s safety and well being

3. Types of friendships • Casual- someone with whom you share interests but not deep emotional bonds • Close-strong emotional ties, share thoughts and feelings • Platonic-involves a member of the opposite sex in which there is affection, but the two people are not considered a couple • Online-rewarding because you get to know people from all over the world and all walks of life • Don’t share personal information • Don’t offer your phone number or street address • Never arrange a face to face • Always tell a trusted adult if an online friend suggest you do some thing that makes you feel uncomfortable

4. Building Strong Friendships are based on: • Mutual respect • Caring • Honesty • Commitment • Additional traits include: • Empathy • Fairness • Shared interests • Acceptance • Support • loyalty Recognizing Problems in Friendships Cliques- small group of friends who exclude people

5. Managing feelings of envy or jealousy • Ask the following: • What is making me feel jealous? • Is my friend deliberately trying to make me feel this way? • What can I do to manage or reduce these feelings? How can I feel better about myself? • Are these feelings of jealousy more important than our friendship? • What positive qualities make this person a good friend? • When Friendships Change • Pressure to do something that is unsafe or against your beliefs • Saying hurtful and insulting things • Constantly tries to get you to change your beliefs or actions Complete Health Skills Activity on page 197

6. Peer Pressure and Refusal Skills • Peer Pressure- influence that people your age may have on you • Positive peer pressure • Negative peer pressure- may involve harassment or persistently annoying others. May include hurtful behavior, name calling, teasing, or bullying. Manipulation is another component used indirectly and dishonestly to control or influence other people. • Common Methods of Manipulation • Making threats • Blackmail • Mocking or teasing • Guilt trips • Bargaining • Flattery • Bribing

7. Gallery Walk 1. 4. 3. 2. 5.

8. Assertive Refusal Skills- These are strategies that will help you say no when you are urged to take part in behaviors that are unsafe or unhealthy, or that go against your values. State you position-State your position simply and firmly. Make sure you really mean it. Give an honest reason for your response, it could be as simple as “It goes against my values.” Offering a legitimate reason helps to strengthen your refusal. Suggest Alternatives- By offering an alternative, you create an opportunity to spend time with your friend in a way that makes you comfortable. Stand your ground- Make it clear that you mean what you said, use strong body language and maintain eye contact. If this doesn’t work, remove your self from the situation.

9. Practicing Abstinence Dating- What is dating nowadays? Some people may not feel it is time to date because of their priorities. These are the goals, tasks, values, and activities that you judge to be more important than others. • Develop healthful dating expectations by keeping the following in mind: • You and your date deserve to be treated with consideration and respect • By yourself and communicate your thoughts and feelings honestly • Never feel pressured to do anything that goes against your values or family’s values • Set limits Abstinence Choosing to not have sexual activity and by doing this you are taking responsibility for your well being. Intimacy A closeness between 2 people that develops over time.

10. How do you tell the difference between love and infatuation? Infatuation (defined as exaggerated feelings of passion) often confused with love Group Assignment: Each person in the group will have a job: reader, reporter, time keeper, presenter. Read the following story and answer the questions as a group. Be ready to share out. You have 15 minutes to complete this task.

11. Maria and Tony have been known each other for quite a while and have just started dating. Maria is so excited about Tony; it’s all she talks about. She is ready for full commitment and feels that this is it – he’s the one. Tony on the other hand, sees this as a casual dating relationship. He wants to meet and date other girls in the future. Maria is just someone to hang out with and have fun. Tony hears from a friend that Maria is very serious about this relationship and has plans for it to remain intact for years to come. She begins calling Tony frequently and becomes jealous when he wants to spend time with his guy friends. Tony starts feeling smothered in this relationship, but doesn’t know how to tell Maria that he’s just not that serious about her. He doesn’t want to hurt her feelings or get her angry. 1. Where is this relationship headed? 2. Do you think this couple has potential? 3. What is the biggest issue for this couple? 4. List some things that might happen if Maria and Tony become sexual in their relationship? 5. If Maria knew that Tony was not that serious, or that his view of a long-term relationship was 6 months to a year, do you think she would have sex with him anyway? 6. Thirty-three percent of U.S. girls get pregnant by age 20. What if Maria became pregnant? Go down the en- tire path of what might happen next? (e.g. what might happen first, then what might happen, then what might happen after that, etc. ) 7. What is the likelihood that either Maria or Tony could contract an STI? How would that affect their relationship? 8. How might Maria’s relationship with her parents affect her relationship with Tony?

12. Skills for practicing abstinence • Requires planning and self control which is the ability to use responsibility to override emotions. • Set limits for expressing affection • Communicate with your partner • Talk with a trusted adult • Seek low pressure dating situations • Date someone who respects and shares your values • Avoid risky situations where alcohol and other drugs are present • Avoid being home alone with a date or in an isolated situations Complete the REAL WORLD CONNECTION on page 207

13. Consequences of Abstinence • Abstinence from sexual activity has a positive effect on all sides of your health triangle. • Physical Health- the only form of birth control that is 100% successful. Aside from unplanned pregnancies, there is also a reduced risk of sexually transmitted infections. • Emotional/Mental Health-teens who engage in sexual activity before reaching emotional maturity run the risk of • Being hurt because partners are not committed as in a marital relationship • Guilt because teens are usually not truthful to their parents about being sexually active • Loss of self respect because sexual activity goes against personal and family values • Regret and anxiety, if sexual activity results in an unplanned pregnancy or an STI • Social Health-Parents may express disappointment and worry, teens who engage in sexual activity may not pursue other interests or friendships. Due to unplanned pregnancies teen parents may face many challenges

14. Remember that honest communication with your dating partner will help you to stay committed to abstinence. Using Refusal Skills to Say No to Peer Pressure Just like anything practice makes perfect. Practicing these skills will help you resist the pressure to engage in sexual activity • Pressure Line • Everybody does it • I thought you were cool • No one will know • If you loved me, you’d do it • Your response • No. Not everybody is doing it • I am cool, and the answer is still no • I’ll know, and I’m the one who matters • If you loved me, you’d respect my decision For Homework please complete Chapter 8 review on pages 214-216, 1-34, answers only.