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Bereavement and Loss

Bereavement and Loss. AR. What we will cover…. What we will cover: What is bereavement and loss? How do we process loss? Individual loss Social loss Cultural expectations What is a good enough ending? What does it look like in your school? Guidance for schools. AR.

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Bereavement and Loss

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  1. Bereavement and Loss AR

  2. What we will cover… • What we will cover: • What is bereavement and loss? • How do we process loss? • Individual loss • Social loss • Cultural expectations • What is a good enough ending? • What does it look like in your school? • Guidance for schools AR

  3. Every 22 minutes a parent of dependent children dies in the UK • Up to 70% of schools have a bereaved pupil on their roll at any given time • 92% of young people will experience a significant bereavement before the age of 16 years Source: (Child Bereavement UK 2018)

  4. How does your school manage and discuss bereavement and loss? • Talk on your tables: • What do you think the schools does well? • What do you think the school could do better? • What are you hoping to get out of today? all

  5. Definitions • Bereavement – idea of something being taken away from us or lost • Grief – the emotion associated • Mourning – rituals/process associated with coming to terms with the bereavement and grief • A note on endings, transitions and disenfranchised loss…

  6. Theories of bereavement and loss • Stage theories: Bowlby, Kubler-Ross • Process theories: Worden, Silverman and Klass, Stroebe and Schut CH

  7. Kubler-Ross Five Stages of Grief • Denial • Anger • Bargaining • Depression • Acceptance CH

  8. Stroebe M, Schutt H (1999) Theory of bereavement and loss CH

  9. Children’s understanding of death <5 • For very young children under 5 (although not exclusively), the concept of death as being permanent, final and forever is a difficult idea to relate to • ‘Magical thinking’ or omnipotence – somehow I caused this • Children of all ages need to be reminded that nothing that they did or did not do caused someone to die - it was not their fault. They need reassurance they are not that powerful and sometimes things happen for reasons that cannot be explained. • Abstract explanations or euphemisms difficult to understand e.g. someone being buried but also going to heaven, death being described as going on a long journey or as a long sleep. This may create worries about going to bed or about people going on journeys and not coming back.

  10. Children’s understanding of death 5-10 • Children are beginning to develop an understanding of death as permanent, irreversible and that life functions end when you die. • Children are starting to understand that death is universal and that includes them and those they care about • Curiosity about death may lead to lots of questions, as well as some “inappropriate” behaviour during rituals • Children may use play to make sense of what has happened. • Children are more aware of how others might be feeling and this may make them more empathic to others but may also make them hide their reaction for fear of upsetting others

  11. Children’s understanding of death 10 + • Children of this age have developed a greater awareness of death, the long term consequences of loss and especially its emotional aspects. • Will be more aware of practical implications, eg paying bills • Greater understanding means that their grieving is more like an adults but they may find the powerful emotions difficult to manage. • This may result in: risk taking behaviour, using drugs, alcohol and self harming; avoidance of parents; childish behaviour and responses; or act grown up and responsible for others within the family. • Teenagers still need to be given boundaries and reassurance.

  12. Individual and Social Loss Age of child, life experience, gender, position in the family: what expectations do people have of them? How are school staff/SLT prepared for, or affected by, child/family distress? What policies are in place? What cultural rules and norms guide our responses to death, loss and grieving? What resources are available to people? Family, friends, peers: sources of support, or struggling themselves? Are systems connected appropriately/helpfully? Family – school – LA. Neighbourhood deprivation levels How does loss affect us over the course of our life-time? How do social changes impact on this? CH

  13. Cultural expectations Schools are part of a multi-cultural society in which various beliefs, religious and non-religious, are required to be taken into account. Respect for the differing needs, rituals and practices of different cultures is essential when acknowledging a death. Handout Page – 19-20 (Bereavement UK Document) CH and AB

  14. Case Study/Scenario CH

  15. Bereavement and Loss in your School What teachers need to know: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9vNoN0G-H8

  16. Bereavement UK guidance for schools • Website- www.childbereavementuk.org • Helpline- 9-5 Mon-Fri 08000288840 • Normality- For a child or young person whose life has been turned upside down by bereavement, the routines of school life can give a sense of normality • A listening ear – School is often seen as somewhere safe to express grief MM

  17. The opportunity to be a child – School offers the chance to play, laugh and generally be a child without feeling guilty • General support – Keep in contact with home as good communication will help school to have a more realistic view of how a child is coping • Be proactive- Have a selection of resources available in school on the subject

  18. Being prepared • Be prepared- Having a policy will greatly help • Identify key people in your organization • Decide who will take overall charge and delegate substitutes should they be absent • Decide who will be responsible for communicating directly with the families involved • Decide who will give the news to the rest of the school community MM

  19. If the Press are involved, decide who will liaise with journalists • Organise training for all involved • Exemplar policies : Primary School p69, Secondary School p 78 (Bereavement UK)

  20. Supporting a bereaved child • Try not to judge • Check out the facts • Acknowledge what has happened • Accept responses will vary • Be prepared to listen • Give bereaved pupils time

  21. Looking after yourself ( Staff) • Share feelings • Anticipate that you may experience an emotional reaction • Have information on resources staff can use or organisations they can contact • Help others • Spoil yourself

  22. Managing Social Media • Permission from family is crucial in any communication on social media • School cannot however ‘contain’ information that is shared within the community, it will inevitably leak out. • Communication with the whole school community with as much information (see point 1) and language appropriate for the audience, reduce anxiety and spread of rumors • High profile situations, LA can offer help and guidance on process and protocol • YP’s perspective AB

  23. AB

  24. Books, films and other resources • Handout (Bereavement UK – page 47-56) • Samples AB

  25. Organisations who offer support • https://edwardstrust.org.uk/ • https://www.cruse.org.uk/children/how-to-help • https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help/feelings-and-symptoms/death-and-loss/ • https://childbereavementuk.org/places/united-kingdom/london/london/other/youngminds-parents-helpline/ • https://www.winstonswish.org/ AB

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