Welcome to Magic 1-2-3

1. Welcome to Magic 1-2-3 • Please take a packet and the handouts on the table. • Help yourself to refreshments. • Please answer the parent questions. • Meet other parents who share your concerns.

2. Behavior Magic 1, 2, 3 • Caley Elementary School • Mrs. Barbara Micucci • School Counselor

4. Agenda • Parent Questions • Video of “Little Adult Assumption” • Introduce premise of Magic 1 - 2 - 3 • Show video segment using Magic 1 - 2 - 3 • Common concerns and special circumstances • “Start” behaviors • Circle of Support • Questions • Evaluation

5. Parent Questions • 1. What techniques for discipline did your parents use? Were they effective? • 2. What is the most difficult behavior for you to manage with your child? • 3. What do you do to manage that behavior? • Is it effective? • 4. What would you like to walk away with today? • 5. What do you enjoy about your child/ children?

6. Parent Concerns • Procrastination – having to tell my child more • than once to do things • Doing jobs independently and accepting consequences for poorly done jobs • Getting my children to listen to me • Fighting with each other • Talking back and saying “No” • Being so negative • Bedtime • Ignoring me when I speak to him/her • Completing a task

7. Parent Concerns • Tantrums and whining • Getting him up in the morning • Getting them to do daily chores • Bedtime • Dinner time takes forever for them to eat • Getting her to sleep in her own bed • through the night • Arguing over everything • Cleaning up after themselves • Finding time to spend with her • Doing homework in a timely fashion

8. 2 Types of Behaviors:Stop and Start • There are behaviors that you want to “STOP.” These include the frequent minor everyday behaviors such as: • Whining • Arguing • Yelling • Temper tantrums • Fighting • Sibling rivalry • With STOP behaviors you will want to use Magic 1- 2 - 3 and use counting followed by a time-out.

9. Start Behaviors • Start behaviors include positive activities like: • Cleaning their room • Doing homework • Practicing an instrument • Getting up and out in the morning • Going to bed • Eating • With START behaviors you would use one of the following techniques to get your child to do the behavior: • praise, simple requests, kitchen timers, the docking system, natural consequences, charting or a version of the 1-2-3.

10. Premise Behind Magic 1-2-3 • One explanation • No talking – No emotion – the power is in the silence • Authority is not negotiable • Punishment is short – 1 minute time out for each year of life • As kids get older there is more democracy

11. Testing and Manipulation • Badgering: Why, why, please, please • Intimidation: Yelling, screaming • Threatening: “I’ll never talk to you again” • Martyrdom: Crying, pouting • Butter Up: Do something to make you • feel good • Physical: Attacking you or running away • These are all tactics to get what they want because they are frustrated. • DON‘T GIVE IN!

12. Earlier bedtime Loss of TV for evening Loss of a toy – for the rest of the day Small chore Monetary fine Write a paragraph Loss of Gameboy – 2 hours Removal of CD or DVD player No dessert or treat No use of phone Larger chore – weed yard No conversation – 15 mins. No friend over Reduced computer time Time Out Alternatives For those times where time-out might not be possible when a child reaches a count of 3, here is a list of some alternatives:

13. Time-Out Alternatives • Groundings, fines, chores and losses like these can be very useful as consequences. • Remember to keep the punishment fair and reasonable. • Your goal is to teach the child something, not to be cruel or get revenge.

14. Special Circumstances • Sibling Rivalry: • If both children are fighting both kids get counted • Never ask “Who started it?” or “What happened?” except if someone is bleeding • Never expect the older child to be more mature when they are fighting (Older one may get longer time out) • If you don’t see it, don’t count it • Don’t send 2 fighting kids to the same room • Temper Tantrums: Time out does not start until tantrum is over • Pouting: You can count pouting

15. Tactics for Starting Behaviors • Praise / Positive Reinforcement (Should exceed your counting 4 times to 1). Use intermittent reinforcement as well as praising in front of someone else. • Simple requests: Avoid “should” thinking • Add rewards and consequences (Dock child if they don’t do it) • Kitchen timers - Play beat the clock • Docking System • Natural consequences – natural effects take over • Charting – stickers or number ratings. Could just use these or add a reward onto it. • Magic 1 - 2 - 3

16. Start Behaviors • Cleaning their Room or Picking Up • Close the door and don’t look method • Weekly clean up routine • Use a kitchen timer and docking system • Eating Dinner • Could use natural consequences with older kids • Use a timer – give small portions if they finish they get dessert • Eating can be considered a start/stop behavior if they are playing around count them • Bedtime • Pick a time, ½ hour before have them get ready

17. Start Behaviors • Up and Out in the Morning • 8 years old and younger use a chart and list what they need to do • Use kitchen timer • Use lots of praise • 9 years old and older natural consequences • Give them an alarm clock if they are late they suffer consequences • Homework • Use kitchen timer • Break into segments • Use as assignment sheet to see what they have • Use a 5 point charting system – 1 point for each of the following: neatness, thorough, correct, no complaining, and starting on your own without being reminded. If you get a 5 you get a reward or bonus

18. A trip for ice-cream Brightly colored tokens A small toy Renting a special game Money Staying up past bedtime Renting a special movie A grab-bag surprise Outing with a parent Shopping trip Sleepover Playing a game with parent A “No Chore” voucher Camping out in backyard Card for a collection Snack of choice Breakfast in bed Comic book or magazine Friend over for dinner Choice of three reinforcers Sleeping with pet Reading a story with parent Helping make and eat cookies Possible Reinforcers

19. Parent References • 1 – 2 – 3 Magic – Effective Discipline for Children 2 – 12 by Dr. Thomas Phelan 9 (2nd and 3rd edition) • 1 – 2 – 3 Magic Video by Dr. Thomas Phelan • More 1 – 2 – 3 Magic Video by Dr. Thomas Phelan • No More Misbehavin’ by Michele Borba - 38 difficult behaviors and how to stop them • Parents Do Make a Difference by Michele Borba – How to Raise Kids with Solid Character, Strong Minds, and Caring Hearts • Go To Your Room! – Consequences that Teach by Shari Steelsmith • Rewards for Kids! by Dr.Virginia Shiller and Meg Schneider – charts and activities for positive parenting • Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Kurcinka • How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish • How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too! By Sal Severe • Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking by Jerry Wyckoff and Barbara Unell

20. A Final Thought… • If you let your children do anything they please, • Eventually you won’t be pleased by anything they do.