Lecture Three Business Letter Writing

1. Lecture ThreeBusiness Letter Writing

2. Course Outline • Case Analysis • Business Letter Writing

3. Background Information • UK: Commercial English Commercial Correspondence Commercial Letter • US: Business English Business Correspondence Business Letter

4. Background Information • Types of business letter: letters of complaint letters of job application letters of asking for a reference letters of resignation letters of claims letters of request letters of recommendation letters of accepting a job letters of declining a job letters of applying for further studies

5. Background Information

6. Pre-writing • Write a letter of complaint for whatever purpose you choose in any way you think appropriate within 10 minutes

7. Classroom Discussion • Read through the following letter and discuss it within your group and try to find its good points and problems by considering the following questions: • a) What is the purpose of writing this letter? Is the writing purpose clear? Why? • b) What is the relationship between the writer and the reader? Is it close or distant? Why? • c) What arc the necessary semantic elements and optional elements? What do you think of the sequence of the semantic elements in the letter? • d) What do you think of the language used in the letter? Are there many language problems in it?

8. Classroom Discussion 508 Huanchen West Road, Shaoxing Zhejiang, P. R. China August 30, 2012 Dear Mr. Li, I am a student, I was bought a bike in your’ supermarket on August 19. But after several days, the bike was broken, and then I phone yours question number to request for exchange a bike, while the missionary's attitude is very terrible. I wonder if yours work attitude is so terrible. So I hope above the situation will be solved as soon as possible. Sincerely, Jacky

9. Classroom Discussion • Teacher’s Commentary • What is the purpose of writing this letter? Isthe writing purpose clear? Why? • This letter looks like a complaint letter and the writer's writing purpose is relatively clear. The writer complained to Mr. Li about the bad quality of the bike and the awful service attitude of his staff, and requested Mr. Li to take certain measures. However, the writer failed to obey the Westerner's thinking pattern and did not put the necessary semantic elements of writing purpose at the very beginning of the letter. Instead, he expressed his writing purpose at the end of the letter, which is mostly influenced by the Chinese thinking mode.

10. Classroom Discussion • Teacher’s Commentary b) What is the relationship between the writer and the reader? Is it close or distant? Why? The letter is written by a customer named Jacky to a Mr. Li who is in charge of the supermarket. The social distance between them is far and the whole letter should sound very formal. However, the language in the letter is not formal enough for most of the sentences in it are very informal simple declarative sentences such as "I am a student", "My bike was broken". The intimate signature "Jacky" is improperly used. Therefore, the tone of the letter is not appropriate enough.

11. Classroom Discussion • Teacher’s Commentary c) Is the complaint letter to be read or to be spoken? What is the mode of the writing? The letter is to be read by a Mr. Li in the form of a letter instead of being spoken in public like an address. The letter should have a heading, an inside address, a salutation, the main body, a closing form and the writer's signature. The inside address includes the receiver's full name and his working organization so that the receiver will be ensured that the letter is really meant to him or her. The salutation should follow the form with " Dear + the title of the receiver + his full name". The main body of the letter should include the writing purpose, the problems and expectations. The signature requires the writer's hand-signed full name as well as the typed full name. However, the writer did not put the inside address which is a necessary semantic element in a business letter. In addition, the writer did not state as clearly as possible the specific problems and his expectation from the receiver.

12. Classroom Discussion • Teacher’s Commentary d) What arc the necessary semantic elements and optional elements? What do you think of the sequence of the semantic elements in the letter? According to the writing purpose and the mode of the complaint letter, the necessary semantic elements should include heading, inside address, salutation, body (the writing purpose, the specific problems and expectations), complimentary close and signature. The proper semantic elements for complaint letters can be generalized as the following: heading  inside address  salutation  body (purpose and expectation)  complimentary close  signature. The student developed the body according to the Chinese thinking mode, which began with the detailed explanation of the problem and ended with the writing purpose. He failed to declare the writing purpose at the very beginning of the body part of the letter.

13. Classroom Discussion • Teacher’s Commentary e) What do you think of the language used in the letter? Are there many language problems in it? As for the language use in the letter, there are two problems: the letter sounds too informal in tone and there are so many grammatical errors. There are semantic, syntactic and even punctuation problems in almost every sentence in the letter.

14. Sample Analysis • Please discuss with your partner the sample business letter by answering the following questions: • What is the purpose for Monica to write this letter? • What is the relationship between the reader and the writer? • What is the mode of this letter? Is it to be read or to be spoken? • What are the necessary elements in this complaint letter and what are their functions? • What are the language features of this complaint letter?

15. Sample Analysis Read through the following sample complaint letter. Foreign Languages Department Shaoxing University Shaoxing, Zhejiang P.R. China, 312000 Nov.12, 2011 Ernie Caruso, Owner Caruso's Italian Restaurant 165 Renmin Road Shaoxing, Zhejiang P. R. China, 312000

16. Dear Mr. Caruso, We have been regular customers at Caruso's restaurant for the past several years. Regrettably, after our recent visit, we are uncertain if we want to return. Last week my husband and I met with a group of three other couples to celebrate the eightieth birthday of one of the group. Instead of our usual enjoyable dinner, we ran into trouble at every step. We made a reservation for a table for eight several days in advance, and mentioned that it was for a special occasion. When we arrived at the restaurant, we waited for thirty minutes and were finally shown to a very crowded round table designed for six people. The table was in the middle of the dinning room, surrounded by three noisy groups. We were unable to hear each other talk, and apparently the waiter could not hear us very well. Our order was hopelessly mixed up, with four of the orders in error. Two of the men asked for their steak rare and had to send it back because it was overcooked and a second time because the potatoes and vegetables were cold. Overall, we were very disappointed with our night out. I'm writing in hope that this will help you return to your previous level of excellence. Yours sincerely, Monica Wang

17. Sample Analysis a)What is the purpose for Monica to write this letter? She made a complaint to Mr. Caruso about her disappointing experience at Caruso's restaurant, and asking him to improve the service. b)What is the relationship between the reader and the writer? The reader is the manager of Caruso's Italian Restaurant and the writer is a regular customer of this restaurant. Their social distance is quite far. c) What is the mode of this letter? Is it to be read or to be spoken? It is written to be read in the form of an English letter.

18. Sample Analysis d)What are the necessary elements in this complaint letter and what are their functions? The necessary elements are the full names and mailing addresses of the writer and reader, the date, the writing purpose of this letter, the key information of complaint, the expectationandsuggestion of the writer, the closing form, and the signature. The proper semantic elements for the genre of a complaint letter can be generalised as the following: heading inside address  salutation  body (purpose, problems and expectation) complimentary close signature

19. Sample Analysis e)What are the language features of this complaint letter? Firstly, the language used in the letter is clear, concise, and specific; for example, we find such expressions as "at Caruso's restaurant", "a group of three", "wait about thirty minutes". Secondly, the simple past tense is frequently used in the complaint letter when the writer narrates the event which has already happened to him or her such as "met with", "made a reservation". Thirdly, sentences in the passive voice are also used in a complaint letter to sound objective such as "We were made to wait..." "We were shown..." "The potatoes were sold out", "The order was mixed up".

20. Writing Principles • The general purpose of writing business letters is to promote business, or to influence the reader to take some action or adopt a certain attitude towards something (Wang, 2007: 2). For example, a job application letter attempts to win over the prospective employer so that he/she would agree that the applicant is well qualified to get the job for which he/she applies; a complaint letter aims to complain about a product or the service, etc., to the authorities concerned. The clearer your writing purpose is, the more efficiency your writing will achieve.The writing purpose should be kept in your mind in the whole process of writing, i.e., planning, drafting and reviewing.

21. Writing Principles • As a business letter is often sent to a person whom the writer does not know or not know well and it is to be read in the form of a formal letter, the general semantic structure for the genre of business letters can be summarized as the following: heading inside address  salutation  body (purpose and expectation) complimentary close signature

22. Writing Principles • Heading: The heading of a business letter includes the sender's full mailing address and the writing date. • Inside address: As the social distance between the two participants in a business letter is usually far, an inside address is needed to ensure the receiver whether the letter is meant to him/her or not. The receiver's title, full name, position and complete mailing address are put on the top left corner below the heading. If you do not know the name of the person you are addressing, begin the inside address with the job title or the name of the department, e.g., deputy director of Sales Department. If you do not know the job title or department, then start with the company name (Chen, 2002: 179).

23. Writing Principles • Salutation: Salutation is a necessary element both in a personal letter and a business letter as well as in a note. A colon (:) instead of a comma (,) is always used after the salutation of a business letter. The normal structures of the salutation for business letters are as follows: • Dear+Mr./Mrs./Ms./Miss/title+Surname when you are writing to a person whose name, gender and working position you know (Fu, 2003: 6). *For example • Dear Mr. Green: Dear Director James: If the inside address begins with a job title or the name of a department, use that title or department name for the salutation. *For example • Dear Personnel Director: Dear Vice-president: • Sales Department: Customer Relations Department: If the inside address begins with the name of the company, use the following salutations: • Gentlemen/Ladies: • To Whom It May Concern: • Dear Sir or Madam: (Chen, 2002: 180)

24. Writing Principles • Body: The body of a complaint letter usually has three necessary semantic elements: writing purpose, the writer's trouble and the writer's expectation from the receiver. In other words, you should state your writing purpose directly and clearly and then refer to the subject of your complaint. You are supposed to explain the situation clearly or present the incident or trouble briefly but to the point; express your feeling about the inconveniences caused by it. Finally you could present your suggestions about how to solve the problem, improve the situation, or state clearly how you want the issue resolved. You may also express your strong desire for a quick and proper solution to the issue of complaint or for the improvement of the problem.

25. Writing Principles • Complimentary close: The complimentary close should be in accordance with the salutation. Whether or not you know the name of the person you are writing to, you may use the following forms: Sincerely, Sincerely yours, Yours sincerely, But if you do not know the name of the person you are writing to, you'd better use the following: Yours truly, Very truly yours, Yours faithfully, Respectfully yours, • Any complimentary close should be followed by a comma • Signature: In formal business letters, we use both the typewritten and handwritten signatures. Usually, the full name of the writer is typed four spaces below the complimentary close, and a handwritten signature should be inserted in the space between the closing and the typed name.

26. Writing Principles • The following are the useful expressions and sentences used in complaint letters: 1) I am writing to complain about.../that... 2) I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with... about... 3) I am reluctant to complain, but... 4) I regret to inform you that... 5) I am writing to you in the hope that you could improve the unhappy situation. 6) I am disappointed/upset to find... 7) 1 find it disappointing/distressing that... 8) I am writing on account of... 9) I wish to refer you to an incident which occurred..., calling for some remedial action. 10) I would like to draw your attention to something you have obviously failed to notice.

27. 11) My experience in...on... (date) shocked me and I can hardly put up with it. 12) There are some problems with... that I wish to bring to your attention. For one thing, there is..., for another,... 13) I hope you will investigate... 14) I wish to make a complaint about/against somebody or something... 15) I feel something ought to be done about... 16) I would like to draw the attention of the manager concerned to the... 17) 1 sincerely hope that the situation will be improved as soon as possible. 18) I hope that you will consider my suggestions and remedy the situation as soon as possible. 19) If it is not property settled, I would ask you to give back my money, or I would complain to the Consumers' Association. 20) I request you to arrange to do... 21) I trust you will consider this matter seriously and make an effort to prevent the recurrence of this kind.

28. 22) I look forward to hearing from you in the very near future. 23) Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. 24) I look forward to a day when we could really enjoy the efficient service. 25) I would be grateful/I shall appreciate it very much if you could take the matter into consideration and solve it at your earliest convenience. 26) I would like to have this matter settled by the end of... /within 14 days. 27) I would appreciate it if you would arrange for the replacement of the damaged item. 28) I would be most appreciative if you would either make the necessary repairs or send me a replacement. Thank you for your immediate attention.

29. Self-revision and Group Interaction • Please revise your complaint letters according to the above samples and writing principles, and show them to your group members so that they can find the good points and problems in your writing.

30. Teacher’s Evaluation Foreign Language SchoolShaoxing UniversityShaoxing, ZhejiangP.R China, 31200025 September, 2012 Tom Li, General mobile phone Corporation55 West Street,Nanjing, JiangsuP.R. China, 216000

31. Teacher’s Evaluation Foreign Language SchoolShaoxing UniversityShaoxing, ZhejiangP.R China, 31200025 September, 2012 Tom Li, ManagerGeneral mobileMobilephonePhone Corporation55 West Street,Nanjing, JiangsuP.R. China, 216000

32. Dear Mr, Li:, I have bought a mobile phone from your corporation. After I have used it for several minutes, I am very disappointed to findit often turns off automatically and the color of its screen is not bright. I am quite disappointed. I try to telephone the department manager but not a solution could reach. His attitude is very bad and soon he hangs up. I think it is high time that you realized your responsibility to serve any customer as a member of waiter. I will appreciate you it very much if you could accept my request for mending it. If you could not, I will send a copy of this letter to my lawyer and a solution to my problem. Sincerely yours,Lucy

33. Dear Mr, Li:,I have bought a mobile phone from your corporation.(Be specific about what kind of mobile phone and how long you have used it) After I have usedusing it for several minutes, I am very disappointed to find that it often turns off automatically and the color of its screen is not bright. I am quite disappointed unhappy. I try tried to telephone the department manager but not a solution could reachwe haven’t reached any agreement.His attitude is very bad and soon he hangs upThe manager was not patient enough to listen to my complaints and hung up on me before I finished my words. I think it is high time that you realized your responsibility to serve any customer as a member of waiter.to improve your after-sale service. I will appreciate you it very much if you could accept my request for mending itmend the phone for me.If you could not, I will send a copy of this letter to my lawyer.I am looking forward to your reply.and a solution to my problem. Sincerely yours,Lucy Wang

34. Language Tips and Practice Seven-Cs for Business Letter Writing 1)Completeness A business letter is successful and functions well only when it contains all the necessary information. When writing, we have to see to it that all the matters are discussed, and all the questions are answered. Incompleteness is not only impolite, but also leads to the recipient's unfavorable impression toward you.

35. Language Tips and Practice Seven-Cs for Business Letter Writing 2)Concreteness Business letters should avoid being too vague and general. The key point of concreteness is to make the message specific, definite and vivid (Wang, 2001: 6). The following guidelines can help us write concretely: • use specific facts and figures • prefer active verbs to passive verbs or words in which action is hidden • choose vivid, image-building words • pay close attention to word orders, put modifiers in right places

36. Language Tips and Practice Seven-Cs for Business Letter Writing 2)Concreteness • Compare: • a) I need the printout as soon as possible. • b) I need the printout by 3 p.m. today. • a) Various aspects of this equipment make it a good choice. • b) This machine is a good choice because it is more compact and less expensive than any other one on the market. • a) These brakes can stop a car within a short distance. • b) These Coodson Power Brakes can stop a 2-ton car within 24 feet.

37. Language Tips and Practice Seven-Cs for Business Letter Writing 3)Clarity An ambiguous point will cause trouble to both sides. When you are sure about what to say, say it in plain, simple words. To make your message clear, you must present it in well-constructed sentences and paragraphs, and include necessary transitional words or expressions to link them up (Wang, 2001: 4). The following are some ways to help to achieve clarity: • use simple, short words and simple sentence structure • avoid using words with different meanings

38. Language Tips and Practice Seven-Cs for Business Letter Writing 3)Clarity • Put together words in close relation *Compare: a) He bought a bike in Beijing in a small shop which costs 325 yuan. b) He bought a bike for 325 yuan in a small shop in Beijing. a) She was warned not to drink water even in a restaurant which had not been boiled. b) She was warned not to drink water which had not been boiled even in a restaurant. • use active voice *Compare: a) A telex was sent by us yesterday. b) We sent you a telex yesterday. a) The English-Chinese dictionary was received by her sister. b) Her sister received the English-Chinese dictionary.

39. Language Tips and Practice Seven-Cs for Business Letter Writing 4)Conciseness It is supposed to convey ideas and thoughts in the fewest possible words without sacrificing completeness, concreteness and courtesy. Several useful ways are to be observed: • shorten wordy expressions • include only relevant facts with courtesy • avoid unnecessary repetition • eliminate excessive details • organize effectively

40. Language Tips and Practice Seven-Cs for Business Letter Writing 4)Conciseness *Compare: a) For the amount of 325 yuan you may buy this bike. b) For 325 yuan you may buy this bike. a) The professor, who comes from Shanghai, gave a lecture that was long and tedious. b) The professor from Shanghai gave a long and tedious lecture. a) You have won the prize due to the fact you worked really hard. b) You have won the prize due to your hard work. a) In the event that you encounter Mr. Wu, please ask him to give consideration to the application letter. b) If you meet Mr. Wu, please ask him to consider the application letter.

41. Language Tips and Practice Seven-Cs for Business Letter Writing 5)Courtesy Courtesy is not mere politeness. A courteous letter should be sincere, tactful, thoughtful and appreciative. Treat the readers with respect and friendliness and write as if you care about the readers. In addition, the tone is required to convey positive interest, warmth, and goodwill. The following methods are helpful to make your writing courteous: • use proper expressions Say "thanks" when others do favor for you. Say "please" when you ask for something from others. Say "sorry" when you cannot satisfy others' requests.

42. • use positive words and expressions *Compare: a) The office building is closed after 4 p.m. b) The office building is open until 4 p.m. a) We cannot have these figures for you before next week. b) We will have these figures for you next week. • write naturally and sincerely *Compare: a) I had hoped that a favorable consideration on your request could be possible. b) I am sorry we cannot approve your request, a) I have pleasure in informing you. b) I am delighted to tell you. • use model verbs and conditional clauses to show politeness *For example: a) I would be grateful /I shall appreciate it very much if you could take the matter into consideration and solve it at your earliest convenience. b) We would appreciate it if you would arrange for the replacement of the damaged item. c) 1 would be most appreciative if you would either make the necessary repairs or send me a replacement.

43. Language Tips and Practice Seven-Cs for Business Letter Writing 6)Correctness Correctness means much more than the correct use of grammar and punctuation or the correct spelling of words. It requires appropriate and grammatically correct language, factual information and accurate reliable figures, as well as the right forms and conventions. Errors of facts, such as price quotations and delivery dates, are often oversights that are the results of careless typing, inadequate proofreading, or too hasty correction of erasures. No excuse can make such errors acceptable in business letters. All facts should be rechecked: • choose only accurate facts, words and figures; • be honest about the things you say, do not over-say or under-say, be matter-of-fact in attitude; • avoid spelling and grammatical errors; • give enough detail so the reader understands the situation or how you feel about the situation.

44. Language Tips and Practice Seven-Cs for Business Letter Writing 7) Consideration Business letters should be reader-oriented and sound as if you share the readers' point of view. In other words, when writing letters we should keep the readers' request, needs, desires as well as feelings in mind.

45. Language Tips and Practice Seven-Cs for Business Letter Writing 7) Consideration *Compare a) Please accept our apologies for the delay, b) We hope you have not been seriously inconvenienced by the delay. a) Apparently you misunderstood our order. Anyway you shipped the wrong thing, b) Apparently our instructions were not clear, with the result that the wrong article was shipped, a) We allow 2 percent discount for cash payment, b) You can earn 2 percent discount when you pay cash, a) We will accept applications until December 28. b) You may submit your application until December 28.

46. Writing Assignment • Write a letter of complaint of about 150 words. You may refer to any one of the following topics. • a) Complaining about overcharge of Tel-communications or China Mobile • b) Complaining about bad service in a certain hotel or restaurant • c) Complaining about the inferior quality of the bike you have bought • d) Complaining about social security to the Police Station • e) Complaining about mail delay to the Post Office • f) Complaining about heating system problems