STRESS MANAGEMENT FOR COUPLES

1. STRESS MANAGEMENT FOR COUPLES Energize Your Relationship

2. Stress Quiz • For each of the following questions, grade yourself from 0 – 4. • 0 = Never • 1 = Almost Never • 2 = Sometimes • 3 = Fairly Often • 4 = Very Often

3. In the last month, how often have you felt: • Upset because of something that happened unexpectedly. • Unable to control the important things in your life. • Unable to cope with all the things you had to do. • Angered because of all the things that were beyond your control. • That difficulties were piling up so high that you can not overcome them. • Confident about your abilities to handle your personal problems. • That things were going your way. • Able to control the irritations in your life. • That you were on top of things.

4. Stress Survey Scoring • The higher your total score on the test, the greater your stress level. • The average score for the general population is: • 14 for Women • 12 for Men

5. 4 Relationship Stressors • Money • Work • Children • Spouses or Partners

6. Money • Can you really have too much? • I don’t think so! • To little money can be a significant stress on a relationship. • Affluence brings with it an entire new set of even greater responsibilities and stresses.

7. Your Nest Egg • As a couple, commit to putting away 10% of what you earn every month. • And never touch it. • Your stress about your future will decrease in direct proportion to your increased savings. • When it comes time to retire, you can live off the interest and leave the rest to worthy causes.

8. Work • Don’t be a workaholic. • Work to live, don’t live to work. • In ancient Hebrew, the words for work and worship are the same. • Work honors God. • Organization and time management are the keys to reducing stress at work, and to creating time to honor your personal relationship.

9. Children • At each age, children bring their own challenges. • The “Terrible Two’s” • The “Terrifying Teens”: Between the ages 13 & 18, many parents would pay dearly for someone to teensit. • Troubled children are a special challenge. The sooner you get professional help the better.

10. Spouses & Partners • Could you write “the” definitive book about your partner? • If you and your partner wrote a book about your relationship, the books would be so different that neither one of you would recognize the other’s. • “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”by John Gray, PhD

11. Communication • Be as specific as possible when communicating your needs with your partner. • What do you need? • What do you want? • Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. • Is your request reasonable? • Can your needs and wants realistically be met?

12. It’s the Little Things • Gentlemen • Despite what might believe … • Dishes do not get up and walk to the dishwasher. • Nor clothes to the washing machine. • And please put the seat down! • Ladies • Don’t mess with the remote control, the riding lawn mower, or his car! • It’s just the way things are!

13. 4 Week Stress Busting Plan • Week 1: Plan for Fun! • Week 2: Learn to Relax and Unwind • Week 3: Change Your Stinking Thinking • Week 4: Shield Yourself From the Negative “Stuff” Around You

14. Plan at least one big fun thing per week and one small fun thing every day. The anticipation is half the fun. It gives you something to look forward to. Make a date with your spouse. Set aside time for hobbies and socializing. Turn off the television and do something different and special. Exercise together. Week 1: Have More Fun!

15. Nature: mountains, trees & flowers Walking on the beach or in the woods Hugs and kisses Playing with children Playing with your pet Listening to music Singing and dancing Free Stress Relievers

16. Hugs & Kisses • How many men here like to be kissed an hugged? • How many women like to be kissed and hugged? • We’re not so different. • Why aren’t you doing it?? • Studies show couples need to hug at least 8 times a day and kiss at least 3 times.

17. Meditate Eat healthy food and take nutritional supplements Get regular adjustments and massage therapy Exercise together Have an Aromatherapy session Watch a sunset or sunrise together Hop in the hot tub together Week 2: Learn to Relax

18. Toss out newspapers, junk mail and receipts as soon as you read them. Clutter makes you feel at loose ends. Keep a list and then set aside time to fix minor annoyances, like loose buttons, blown light bulbs, loose doorknobs, etc. Decrease commuter stress by leaving more time. Listen to motivational tapes or inspirational music in the car. Year Round Stress Busters

19. Send his or her favorite flowers. (Don’t assume they’re roses.) Draw a bath for your partner. Surround the tub with candles & play soft music. Give your partner a massage. Go dancing. Surprise your partner with concert, theater, game, or movie tickets. Show that You Care

20. Week 3: Change your Stinking Thinking • If you exaggerate or catastrophize your life together, you may be creating much of your own stress. • Don’t have unrealistic expectations of yourself or your partner. • You may have been brought up with certain beliefs and behaviors and may unrealistically expect your partner to automatically know and embrace your ways.

21. Keep Moving On • When things don’t go exactly as you plan, is your tendency to get angry, judgmental, or noisy? • Do you internalize your feelings or blame yourself for being a failure at keeping the peace? • Let it go. Don’t hold grudges. • Leave past hurts behind and move on.

22. Self Assessment • Before you look outside yourself for the source of your dissatisfaction, look inside. • Look in the mirror. What you see is what you get! • Looking inside will help you improve your outside reality. • What you send out is reflected back to you.

23. Everyday Acknowledgements • When was the last time you praised, appreciated, and gave thanks to your partner? • Everyone loves to be praised on a regular basis. It’s a basic human need like fresh air. • Acknowledge your partner everyday by saying: • Thank you! • I appreciate you! • I’m proud of you! • I love you!

24. Week 4: Stop Giving Permission • Stop giving your partner permission to stress you out. • Don’t let your partner pass along his or her bad moods on to you. • You are not responsible for someone else’s behavior, feelings, or mood, only your own. • You can chose not to be upset, angry or stressed just because someone else is.

25. Remember Your Armor • Avoid stressful situations by diffusing them beforehand. • Don’t greet your partner with “What’s wrong?” as soon as he or she returns home at night. Agree to wait at least an hour before discussing the day’s challenges. • Don’t discuss sensitive subjects when you’re tired, or when you know from experience that they will cause an upset.

26. Goal Setting • Goal setting reduces stress by creating a roadmap or blueprint for the future, reducing fears and worries about what’s to come. • Set S.M.A.R.T goals for your: • Family Life • Spiritual Life • Physical Life • Mental Life • Financial Life

27. Rules to Live By • Anything your mind can conceive and believe it can achieve! • As a man thinketh, so it is! Whether you think something is good or bad – you’re right! • Things are not necessarily right or wrong, they can just be different!

28. It’s Your Choice • Choose not to be upset by the little things, because most things are little. • Choose to decide when something is worth getting upset over. • Choose pro-active thoughts and behavior aimed at self-fulfillment and happiness. • Choose to truly love, honor, and appreciate your partner.

29. STRESS MANAGEMENT FOR COUPLES Energize Your Relationship