STUDENTS WITH ANGER PROBLEMS (K-12) Tom Carr

1. STUDENTS WITH ANGER PROBLEMS (K-12) Tom Carr

2. Mastering the 5 greatest challenges in working with angry students: 1. How can I build a positive relationship with these challenging students? 2. How can I prevent most anger episodes and, if necessary, how can I defuse them? 3. How can I secure support or ‘back-up’ assistance when dealing with angry students? 4. How can I learn not to take their anger issues personally? 5. How can I stay ‘under control’ and be professional when confronted by students with anger problems?

3. GLASSER’S SEVEN DEADLY HABITS *Criticizing *Blaming *Complaining *Nagging *Threatening *Punishing *Rewarding to control GLASSER’S SEVEN CONNECTING HABITS *Caring *Trusting *Listening *Supporting *Negotiating *Befriending *Encouraging

4. GLASSER’S BASIC NEEDS “All human beings are born with five basic needs built into their genetic structure: survival, love, power, fun, and freedom.” Love: belonging, friendship, caring, involvement Power: importance, recognition, skill, competence Fun: pleasure, enjoyment, learning, laughter Freedom: choice, independence, liberty, autonomy ********************************** *What are you presently doing in your personal life to meet your basic needs? *Are your basic needs being met in your work setting? *What are you doing in your classroom to help your students meet their basic needs?

5. 10 WAYS TO STACK YOUR OWN BLOCKS 1. Use the mail….snail mail. 2. Read, read, read. 3. Do some work around the house without being told. 4. Exercise, eat well (80/20), and get plenty of sleep. 5. Keep a journal or diary. 6. Have several hobbies or interests. 7. Find a good listener. 8. Learn something new. 9. Participate in at least two extra-curricular activities every year. (98% guarantee). 10. Say or doing something nice for others.

6. Relationships Improve Student Success Recent research at the University of Missouri (Christi Bergin) notes, “Students with positive attachments to their teachers and schools have higher grades and fewer discipline problems.” -Attachment in the Classroom, Christi Bergin, “Educational Psychology Review,” (2009) 21: 141-170. *To enhance student relations, the author offers research-based tips for teachers and schools:

7. Teachers *Increase warmth, positive interactions with students. *Be well prepared for class and hold high expectations. *Be responsive to students’ agendas by providing choices. *Help students be kind, helpful, and accepting of one another. *Implement interventions for difficult relations with specific students. Schools *Provide a variety of extra-curricular activities to join. *Keep schools small. *Keep students with the same teachers and/or peers across years. *Decrease transitions in and out of the classroom. *Facilitate transitions to new schools or teachers

8. From the “Explosive Child” by Ross Greene. *Vapor Lock *Mental Debris *Meltdown ********************************************** Baskets Basket A: Non-negotiable behaviors. You must address at all times. Basket B: Use gentile reminders. Encourage the child to comply. Basket C: Behaviors that you may wish to ignore for a while. Note: When a child is having an anger episode or meltdown, it will be us, the adults, who determine if things get better or worse. Don’t fuel the fire!

9. Diagnostic Criteria for ODD A. A pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least 6 months, during which four (or more) of the following are present: *often loses temper *often argues with adults *often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults’ requests or rules *often deliberately annoys people *often blames others for his or her mistakes or behavior *is often touchy or easily annoyed by others *is often angry and resentful *is often spiteful or vindictive

10. Diagnostic criteria for ODD (cont) B. The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning. C. The behaviors do not occur exclusively during the course of Psychotic or Mood Disorder. D. Criteria are not met for Conduct Disorder, and, if the individual is age 18 years or older, criteria are not met for Antisocial Personality Disorder. *From American Psychiatric Association

11. CONDUCT DISORDER A persistent pattern of behavior in which the rights of others or age-appropriate social norms are violated. (DSM-IV) *Often bullies, threatens, or intimidates others *Often initiates physical fights *Has used a weapon that could harm others *Has been physically cruel to people and/or animals *Has stolen while confronting a victim *Has forced someone into sexual activity *Has deliberately engaged in fire-setting with the intention of causing serious damage *Has deliberately destroyed others’ property

12. Conduct disorder (cont) *Has broken into someone else’s house, building, or car *Often lies to obtain goods or favors or to avoid obligations (cons others) *Has stolen items of non-trivial value without confronting a victim (shoplifting) *Often stays out at night despite parental prohibitions beginning before age 13 *Has run away from home overnight at least twice while living in parental or parental surrogate home *Is often truant from school, beginning before age 13  At least three of the above must have occurred during the past 12 months. The issues impact social, academic, or occupational functioning If the individual is 18 or older, criteria are not met for antisocial personality disorder.

13. AVOIDING POWER STRUGGLES YOUR TWO IMPORTANT MINDSETS 1. Rationally/emotionally detach self 2. Provide a way out with dignity for you and the student HOW STUDENTS ‘BAIT’ US 1. They challenge our authority 2. They attempt to push our personal buttons 3. They attempt to cloud the issues WE MUST AVOID FALLING INTO THESE THREE TRAPS 1. Defending our authority 2. Don’t get side-tracked 3. Stating unreasonable or unenforceable consequences REMINDERS: 1. Answer the behavior. 2. Provide a choice. 3. Allow time. They will often move slowly to comply. 4. Very important….follow through with your stated consequence.

14. STAGES OF ANGER *Irritability Your response: Let the student know you are aware and would like to help (empathic assertion). *Agitation Your response: Set firm, reasonable, and enforceable limits. *Meltdown Your response: Get ‘back-up.’ Remove other students. Apply therapeutic hold if necessary. *Resolution Process what happened. Think of how to respond if the episode occurs again. Share thoughts, feelings with co-worker(s).

15. CAREFUL COMMUNICATION* BODY 1. Personal space allowance 2. Non-threatening posture 3. Eye contact 4. Relaxed facial expression 5. Head nods MIND 1. Concentrate on what is being said 2. Try to understand the student’s point of view 3. Avoid interrupting and jumping to conclusions. Let the student ‘dump the whole bucket.’ MOUTH 1. Use to facilitate response 2. Reflect feelings 3. Summarize and clarify 4. Ask open-ended questions 5. Use calm voice with slow cadence *Adapted from CPI

16. NOTES ON BULLYING On a continuum: According to author, psychologist John Jensen bullying events occur along a continuum. Most bullying acts fall into stages 4-6. 1. Emotionally isolated, distant, unconnected 2. Then moving to being impolite 3. Inconsiderate 4. Annoying 5. Irritating 6. Provoking 7. Attacking 8. Damaging 9. Destructive 10. Criminal Consider Developing A Bulling Incident Report Suggested Anti-Bullying Program “Bullies to Buddies” IzzyKalman www.bulliestobuddies.net

17. 15 ANGER BUSTERS 1. Count colors 2. Growl 3. Chew the anger away: sugarless gum 4. Thought stopping 5. Go west by sailing east 6. Chant a personal mantra 7. Create a therapeutic ritual 8. Make a vow of silence 9. Forgive others 10. Write in your Gratitude Journal 11. Look in the mirror 12. Ask yourself, “Am I 100% sure?” 13. Four square breathing 14. Where’s that photo? 15. Pressure point

18. 6 C’s of CONFLICT RESOLUTION* 1. Concern: Is it really that big of a problem? Can I ignore it? 2. Confer: Be polite and stay calm as you share your concern with the other person. 3. Consult: Be a bit more assertive. In private, share your concern again. 4. Confront: Once again, in private, share your concern using “I messages” and state a consequence that you can keep. 5. Combat: If the conflict continues then you must follow through with your stated consequence. 6. Conciliate: Consider apologies, forgiveness, making restitution, and restoring friendships. *Dr. William Purkey

19. BACKUP ROOM FORM Please admit _________________________________ Person sending student ________________________ Date __________________ Time of day ___________ Please check one box below: _____ Please let student sit in the Back Up Unit for a few minutes. Send student back to class at ________. Or, I will come for student at ________. ______ This student continues to be disruptive. Action needs to be taken. Please have counselor or administrator see me to develop a plan. If the second block was checked, please write a brief description of student’s disruptive behavior. ________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ Notes: _________________________________________________________

20. GOT GRIT? Mission statement: “We believe that a person’s grit (hard work, determination, perseverance) combined with good social skills is a better predictor of future success than IQ, grade point average, and standardized test scores.” G: Getting along with others. President Theodore Roosevelt said, “The key ingredient in the formula for success is knowing how to get along with others.” R: Responsible people are happy people. Happy people are responsible people. We are responsible for our body, learning, family, and community. I: Integrity means doing the right thing. It takes grit to have integrity! The word ‘grit’ is hidden in the word integrity. T: Tenacity. This involves perseverance, not giving up, not blaming others, and overcoming adversity. Notice the first three letters of the word tenacity spell ‘ten.’ When tackling tough challenges, be sure to try at least times before seeking help.

21. GOT GRIT? “The best predictors of who will perform adequately in life include attendance, ability to stick to a task, motivation, social skills, and knowing how to prioritize and organize tasks.” -James Comer “You don’t get what you wish for, you get what you work for.” -anonymous www.gotgrit.org

22. “You can’t change others. The only person you can change is you. But when you change, often they change.” -Tom Carr “The more concerned we become over things we can’t control, the less time we will do with the things we can control.” -John Wooden “If you want something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.” –Tom Carr