Chapter 30

1. Chapter 30 Selecting a Partner Section 1: Understanding Attraction Section 2: Choosing the Right Partner

2. Theories of AttractionWhat attracts you to each other? • Homogamy- like attracts like, sameness • This theory says people choose partners who are more alike than different from them. • Outer qualities: Common race, age, religion, education, family background. • Goals, interest, and values: people who want the same things in life are more apt to develop positive feelings for one another • Roles: what are the responsibilities of each person in the relationship

3. Other theories of attraction • Complementary needs- “opposites attract” This theory suggests that people select others who complement (complete) and meet their personality needs • Social Exchange- this theory says that everyone evaluates his/ her own worth and then goes to barter and see what he/ she can find

4. More theories of attraction • Propinquity- nearness in time and place, You will marry people you know. • Ideal mate- “made for each other”

5. Theories vs. Realitypg. 592 While these ideas about attraction do not neatly describe every situation, they do offer “food for thought.” Typically, people find themselves in serious relationships without ever having considered what traits they value. Knowing why you find a potential mate attractive helps you see the “magic” of the relationship more realistically. Also, as you think about the qualities you seek, you may start to ask what qualities you can bring to a marriage.

6. Chapter 30, Section 2Choosing the Right Partner Readiness- certain qualities and conditions that indicate whether a person is prepared for marriage The idea of readiness is simple: the more readiness factors partners have or take time to acquire, the more tools they have for creating a long and rewarding marriage.

7. Signs of Readiness • Age- Until the late twenties or so, the older two people are at the time of their wedding, the more likely the marriage is to be stable. • Independence- people who can’t stand on their own aren’t able to support someone else. Can you be on your own?

8. More signs of readiness… • Parental Approval- shouldn’t be the main reason but is important • Knowledge of each other- Researchers found that partners who had known each other for at least 5 years before marriage were the happiest. • Sense of Responsibility- social and financial responsibility. *financial problems are the biggest reason for divorce

9. More signs of readiness… • Friendship-when a person has friends, they ability to build a successful marriage typically increases. That’s because the relationship skills that build friendships are the same that contribute to a strong marriage.

10. A Realistic Attitude • Marriage is not a cure-all • Love is different from, and more than, sexual attraction • What you see is what you get (you can’t change anyone) • Don’t expect a perfect partner

11. Warning Signs(that problems will likely occur) • Abuse • Substance abuse • Jealousy • Arguments

12. A belief in marriage • Love is NOT enough for a successful marriage. • Institution of marriage- marriage as a way of life. You must value marriage itself and believe it’s worth preserving in society. • People who believe in marriage as an institution have added incentive to do what it takes to make a marriage work.