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Distorted Sex: Providing mercy to sexual strugglers

A hidden crisis of sexual brokenness exists, affecting individuals struggling with sexual identity, pornography, and masturbation. This presentation explores misconceptions and offers simple steps for mercy ministry, including education, prevention, and support. The speaker addresses topics such as sexual identity, desire, and attraction, and provides practical guidance for those struggling with confused sexual identity, sexual addictions, and demanding desires. The importance of comfort, accountability, and support is emphasized, along with helpful tools and resources.

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Distorted Sex: Providing mercy to sexual strugglers

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  1. Distorted Sex: Providing mercy to sexual strugglers Philip G. Monroe, PsyD Biblical Seminary pmonroe@biblical.edu

  2. A hidden crisis • Do you know who is in crisis around you • Struggling with sexual identity • Struggling with pornography • Struggling with masturbation • What does a struggler look like? • Nothing different!

  3. Take a moment… • What is your first image of a sexually broken person? • Victim of abuse? • Addict? • Offender? Willful sinner? • How has your church spoken of the sexually broken in the last year?

  4. Mercy Ministry for Sexual Brokenness Simple steps, really: • Education • Prevention • Direction • Comfort, accountability, and support: a place in the family of God

  5. Education • From the pulpit and classroom: • Provide a picture of healthy sex • Normalize (sexual) brokenness • Testimonies the provide a picture of healing • Specific Issues • Struggles to feel understood (the need for quality materials for those hiding their pain) • Struggles with desire and temptation • Struggles with identity • All or nothing thinking in the world and church?

  6. Sexual Identity and Attraction • Identity and Attraction are multifaceted • Attraction and Identity are not equivalent! • Sexual Identity • Gender (and feelings about one’s gender) • Persistence and direction of attraction • Intention • Behaviors (personal and environment) • Values (personal and community) Adapted from Mark Yarhouse,

  7. Sexual Identity

  8. Prevention • Does your church speak winsomely about • Positive, non-objectifying images of women? • The beauty of sexual desire? • Internet filters and accountability? • Sexual identity and same-sex attraction in non-stereotyping manner? • Singlehood? • The process of becoming dead and undead?

  9. A Biblical View of Desire • We are made to desire God and his creation • But since sin entered the world… • We long for things that are out of reach • These unfulfilled longings are painful • We often turn good desires into demands • We desire too little rather than too much • We often want behavior management rather than transformation

  10. Direction • What do I do if I struggle with: • confused sexual identity and same-sex attraction? • sexual addictions? • Where do I turn?

  11. Sexual Identity SSA Goals • Use descriptive language vs. politically charged • Seek peace with Christian identity as primary shaper of facets of identity • Understand multiple influences on sexual attraction, behaviors, experiences • See relationships between sensations, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors • Achieve safe, meaningful relationships

  12. Entering Into the Addict’s Life • Looking to be there for the long haul • Recognizing spiritual, will, and body dimensions of enslavement • Alert to stages of change • Practicing good spiritual hygiene

  13. How do I protect myself from demanding desires? • Visual reminders, reality checks • Staying close to God’s Word • Prayer • Make your struggle a community effort • Humility and Simplicity

  14. Comfort & Support • Groups for all • Provide worship, support, teaching, prayer, tears, accountability • Avoid splitting out by problem • Provide safe place for offended family members to struggle with trust and yet turn to see God/self in the midst of the pain • Session uses discipline in the widest sense of the word (hospital, not merely court)

  15. Warning • Everyone wants sexual brokenness to go away • But what if the struggle doesn’t diminish? • The struggler and supports often conspire to pretend that the problem is gone • Find ways to make okay to keep talking about struggles in a Gospel manner

  16. Helpful Tools • Web materials • www.harvestusa.org (see handouts with me) • Materials, church training, consultation • www.covenanteyes.com (accountability) • www.bsafehome.com (filtering) • Books • Yarhouse, Mark. Sexual Identity Synthesis… University Press of America (2004) • Welch, Ed. Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave… P & R Publishing (2001) • Gallagher, Steve. At the altar of sexual idolatry. Pure Life (2000) • Howard, Jeanette. Out of Egypt. Monarch Books (2001)

  17. For copies of these slides: www.wisecounsel.wordpress.com Click “Articles, slides…” page

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