Your Tween & Stress

1. Presented By: Kate Gillespie School Counselor Mountain View School Mendham, NJ Your Tween& Stress

2. What is Stress? • Stress is the body’s physical and psychological response to anything perceived as overwhelming. • It is the body’s way of rising to a challenge and preparing to meet a tough situation with focus, strength, stamina, and heightened alertness.

3. Long Term Stress • Long-term stressful situations can produce a lasting, low-level stress • The nervous system senses continued pressure and may remain slightly activated and continue to pump out extra stress hormones over an extended period • This can wear out the body’s reserves, leave a person feeling depleted or overwhelmed, weaken the body’s immune system, and cause other problems

4. What Causes Stress? • School demands and frustrations • Negative thoughts and feelings about themselves • Changes in their bodies • Problems with friends and peers • Separation or divorce of parents • Chronic illness or severe problems in the family • Death of a loved one – including pets! • Moving or changing schools • Taking on too many activities or having too high expectations • Family financial problems

5. Signs of Stress • Anxiety or Panic Attacks • Irritability and moodiness • Stomach Problems • Headaches • Allergic reactions (i.e. eczema, asthma) • Sleep Patterns • Over or Under Eating • Accident prone • Apathy • Feelings of being constantly pressured, hassled, and hurried • Sadness • Nail Biting or Hair twirling • Hyperactivity • Tics/Shakes • Change in speech

6. Steps to Handling Stress • Identify the Stressor • Identify your Control over the Stressor • Identify whether you can eliminate the stressor; if you can, do so • If you cannot eliminate the stress, then build your skills to deal with it

7. Parents Can Help by…. • Monitor if stress is affecting their teen’s health, behavior, thoughts, or feelings • Listen carefully to teens and watch for overloading • Learn and model stress management skills

8. How to Talk to your Teen • Notice Out Loud • Tell your child when you notice something’s bothering him or her • Make it casual, sympathetic • “It seems like you’re still mad about what happened at lunch” • “OK, what happened now?” • “Are you still mad about that?”

9. How to Talk to your Teen • Listen to your child • Ask your child what’s wrong • Listen attentively and calmly, show interest. • Ask questions like “and then what happened?” • Avoid the urge to judge, blame, lecture, or say what your child should have done

10. How to Talk to your Teen • Comment briefly on the feelings you think your child was experiencing • Feeling understood and listened to helps your child feel supported by you • “That must have been upsetting for you”

11. How to Talk to your Teen • Put a label on it • Many kids do not yet have words for their feelings. • If your child seems angry or frustrated, use those words to help him/her learn to identify emotions by name

12. How to Talk to your Teen • Help your child think of things to do • Help with brainstorming • “How do you think this will work” • Listen and move on • After talking and listening, help your child think of something to do to feel better • Limit stress where possible • Too many after-school activities?

13. How to Talk to your Teen • Just be there • It’s okay if your child does not want to talk • Initiate something you can do together: walk, movie, game, baking – sometimes presence is all that’s needed • Be Patient! • Try to resist the urge to fix every problem

14. Coping Strategies • Help them identify methods in which they can relieve their stress in a healthy way • Young people pick up on their coping strategies by watching their parents • How do you act under stress? • Smoking, Drinking, Yelling, Slamming, Cursing?

15. Build Resistance to Stress • Think of change as a challenging and normal part of life • See setbacks and problems as temporary and solvable • Believe that you will succeed if you keep working toward your goals • Take action to solve problems that crop up • Build strong relationships and keep the commitments to family and friends • Have a support system and ask for help • Participate regularly in activities for relaxation and fun

16. Decrease Stress • Exercise and eat regularly • Avoid caffeine • Decrease Negative Self-Talk • “My life will never get better” • “I may feel hopeless now, but my life will probably get better if I work at it and get some help” • Learn to feel good about doing a competent or “good” job rather than demanding perfection from yourself and others • Take a break from stressful situations

17. Decrease Stress • Learn relaxation exercises • abdominal breathing & muscle relaxation techniques • Develop assertiveness • Stating feelings in polite, firm and not-overly-aggressive or passive ways • “I feel angry when you yell at me” or “Please stop yelling” • Practical Coping Skills • Breaking large tasks into smaller ones • Monthly Activity Calendar • Organization Techniques (color coding) • ABC • Reminders

18. Stress Breaks • 10 Second Break • Identify what is annoying you. • “I don’t have to become too tense over this” • Take two easy, deep breaths (counting from 1-4 as your inhale and exhale) • Relax any tense spot quickly • Stretch, resume activity • 20 Second Break • Sit down and take a deep breath, slowly inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth • Gently shake your head from side to side in a “no” motion and down in a “yes” motion • Take a few more deep breaths, as before. At the same time, quiet your mind by slowly saying to yourself, “relax” or “be calm” or words that work for you • Resume activity

19. Stress Breaks • 2 Minute Break • Take two deep breaths and exhale each slowly • Locate a tense spot on your body and relax it as much as possible • Do two brief exercises – slowly • Head Rotation: Rotate your head slowly around in a circular motion, once or twice in both directions • Shoulder Roll: Slowly roll your shoulders forwards and backwards a couple of times in each direction • Recall a pleasant thought, memory, or feeling for 10-15 seconds • Take one more deep, slow breath, exhale slowly and return to your activity

20. Stress Breaks • Walk, Stretch, Power, Float: Students will walk around, stop and stretch arms & legs, show power and then move around the room as if they are floating. • You are three dimensional, feel yourself breath: Turn off lights, have students close their eyes and mentally imagine themselves as being three dimensional. Have students concentrate on their breathing in and out. • SBS exercise (Stand, Breath, Sit)

21. Lifestyle Changes to Reduce Stress • Balance work with play • Learn to accept what you cannot change – don’t fight the inevitable • Take one thing at a time • Get away from stressors with scheduled breaks • Compromise • Program fun and humor into life • Learn problem solving techniques – and use them • Try new things • Adjust lifestyle to avoid rush hours or other situations that annoy you • Learn to say no • Fix things that don’t work well • Simplify • Become more flexible – some things are not worth doing perfectly • Develop back-up plans, just in case something happens • Unplug the phone • Use earplugs • Have personal time EVERY day • Find a positive addiction – peaceful and playful. Do it regularly. • Know your own stress levels, and live within them • Change our daily routine • Eliminate time wasters

22. Other Methods of Coping • Develop hobbies or new sports you enjoy • Keep balance between work and play • Eliminate bad habits • Learn to pace yourself • Realize your limits and plan around them • Learn flexibility and to accept imperfections • Avoid loneliness – learn to develop friendships • Avoid self pity • Don’t be afraid to compromise • Talk about your troubles to people you can trust • Develop a positive attitude • Take a mini vacation • Learn from your experiences - don’t dwell on them • Involve others in decision making • Plan some time just for yourself each day • Read books that demand concentration • Have a place to retreat where you can be alone • Concentrate on what you are doing

23. Handouts

24. The A.B.C method

25. Reminder Poster #1 • Keep Calm • Tell yourself to “STOP” • Tell yourself to “KEEP CALM” • Slow down your breathing with two, long deep breaths • Praise yourself for a job well done!

26. Reminder Poster #2 • ACKNOWLEDGE that teen stress is often different from adult stress. • LISTEN to teens and be aware of how teens response to your level of involvement. Sometimes, just listening is enough. • ENCOURAGE teens to express how they’re feeling when they are stressed. • RECOGNIZE that teens may have different experience from each other • TUNE into your own levels of stress • Learn to say “no” • Try to sort out what is most important in your life • Listen to the wisdom of your body. • Eat healthy, get exercise, and make sure you get enough sleep. • Keep your sense of humor. Laughter can do wonders for your stress.

28. “ stressed” is just “desserts” spelled backwards Remember….