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Every Period of Life Has Its Own Challenges. Teenage Years. Mid-Life Years. Golden Years. 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90.
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Every Period of Life Has Its Own Challenges Teenage Years Mid-Life Years Golden Years 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90
"When I had journey half of our life's way, I found myself within a shadowed forest, for I had lost the path that does not stray." Dante
Every Period of Life Has Its Own Challenges Many Men Mid-Life Crisis Some Women Mid-Life Years 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90 • Not a disease – Catch • Real Problem • Preventable
“Second Adolescence” Four Enemies • His Body • His Work • His Wife & Family • His God (Losing his looks, hair, shape) (Monotony in what was exciting) (Trapped by his responsibilities) (Accusing him of selfishness, laziness, & lust)
What Is Going On In The Mid-Life Period? Aware of our own mortality B I R T H D E A T H = Time Since birth Time Left Transition From Youth to Older Period “…a time of struggle and a feeling of being struck down by life.” (Daniel Levinson, Myers, 1998)
What Is Going On In The Mid-Life Period? Many begin to focus on self • Not been able to do • Not going to be able to do • What wanted – not obtained • How they had to “accommodate” Others • Please parents • Serve the company / boss • Give in to the mate • Do for the children • “Time to do something for me”
The Challenge of a Mid-Life Crisis 30’s – 40’s – 50’s Painful Process of Maturing
The Challenge of a Mid-Life Crisis I. The Challenges of The Mid-Life
I. The Challenges of The Mid-Life • A. Not Handle Changes of Life Well • Body Changes (Can’t do what used to do) • Children Growing up / Grown • Empty Nest • Parents growing older / require care / pass
Result: Looking For Excitement I. The Challenges of The Mid-Life • A. Not Handle Changes of Life Well • B. Goals Reached / or Not Reached • Not where wanted to be by this time • Financially – not there • Career not as successful • Not have the things hoped to obtain • Or – Reached my goals - now what? Cause: Materially Minded
I. The Challenges of The Mid-Life • A. Not Handle Changes of Life Well • B. Goals Reached / or Not Reached • C. Busy Lifestyle • Career at its peak • Overworked • Unable to enjoy life – Do what I want • More demands on time than ever • Many things may be neglected (Spiritual / Family)
Set The Stage I. The Challenges of The Mid-Life A. Not Handle Changes of Life Well B. Goals Reached / or Not Reached C. Busy Lifestyle Spiritual Decline / Family Trouble Extra-Marital Affair (Adultery)
The Challenge of a Mid-Life Crisis I. The Challenges of The Mid-Life II. Causes of Extra-Marital Affairs
Prov. 2:17 } “Who forsakes the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God. “ Marriage Deteriorates } Faith Gets Weaker II. Causes of Extra-Marital Affairs
Two Causes At The Root Faith Gets Weaker Little time for spiritual (Matt. 6:33) Not study as should (Acts 17:11) Not pray as much (Dan. 6:10) Happens Gradually (Heb. 2:1) • Material / Worldly has greater attraction • Fear the Lord - less • Not bothered by sin • Easier to do things know to be wrong Thus
Two Causes At The Root Faith Gets Weaker Little time for spiritual (Matt. 6:33) Not study as should (Acts 17:11) Not pray as much (Dan. 6:10) Happens Gradually (Heb. 2:1) Marriage Deteriorates Little time for each other (Eph. 5:25-28) Let up on Communication (1 Pet. 3:1-7) Emotional Needs Not Met (Opens door for another) Happens Gradually (Heb. 2:1)
Two Causes At The Root Marriage Deteriorates Little time for each other (Eph. 5:25-28) Let up on Communication (1 Pet. 3:1-7) Emotional Needs Not Met (Opens door for another) Happens Gradually (Heb. 2:1) • Commitment to mate – means less • Focus on self – not mate • At great risk when opp. sex shows you attention • Not bothered by flirting… Thus
! ! ! Danger ! ! ! “It Will Never Happen to Me!” 1 Cor 10:12 “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.” “It became clear to me early in my counseling experience that affairs were much more common that I had every imagined. But now, after years of marriage counseling, I have come to realize that almost everyone, given the right conditions, would have an affair.” - Dr. William F. Harley, Jr. Surviving An Affair, 16
Adultery! Show him attention Builds his ego Flirts with him Faith Gets Weaker Marriage Deteriorates & Having A Mid-Life Crisis (Hard time with transition)
The Challenge of a Mid-Life Crisis I. The Challenges of The Mid-Life II. Causes of Extra-Marital Affairs III. Answers / Do To Prevent Problems
III. Answers / Do To Prevent Problems • A. Work Daily Building Your Faith • Study (Rom. 10:17) • Pray (1 Thess. 5:17)
III. Answers / Do To Prevent Problems • A. Work Daily Building Your Faith • B. Not Neglect Your Marriage • Cleave (glued) to mate (Matt. 19:4-6) • Take time for each other (Eph. 5:16) • Share your lives / Communicate (1 Pet. 3:7) “ When you stop to think about it, privacy isn’t something that improves marriages. It’s honesty and openness that improve marriages. The more information you have about each other’s thoughts and activities, the easier it is to meet each other’s needs and resolve conflicts. Privacy actually blocks access to that important information, and that ultimately lead to marital failure” - Dr. William F. Harley, Jr. Surviving An Affair, 41
III. Answers / Do To Prevent Problems • A. Work Daily Building Your Faith • B. Not Neglect Your Marriage • C. Reset Goals To Emphasize The Spiritual • Purpose is to serve God (Ecc. 12:13) • Spiritual matters first (Matt. 6:33) • Wrong goals – destroy (Matt. 19:16-22)
III. Answers / Do To Prevent Problems • A. Work Daily Building Your Faith • B. Not Neglect Your Marriage • C. Reset Goals To Emphasize The Spiritual • D. Learn to Accept Changes In Life • Aging is part of life (Ecc. 12:1-6) • Children growing will happen (Ecc. 1:4)
Ex-GP Dr Hugh Bethell believes that there’s no such thing. “A mid-life crisis is really just what happens to people because of life events. Life starts to change, your kids grow up and leave home, you’re getting bored of work and think you should retire, and it all happens when you’re between 40 and 65.” Peter Baker, Director of the Men’s Health Forum, is in agreement with Dr Bethell. He says, “I think you could argue that there are problems that men face in middle age. I don’t know if you’d want to call it a mid-life crisis, but middle-age is a time of adjustment for men. “A lot of the issues are psychological rather than issues that need medical treatment,” he says. “I think we’re in danger of medicalising middle age for men and saying that, whatever problems they face, it’s all down to one cause: low testosterone. We’re giving men drugs in the hope that they will treat the condition when in fact it’s all part of the process of getting older.” http://www.healthypages.net/feature.asp?newsid=3609
III. Answers / Do To Prevent Problems • A. Work Daily Building Your Faith • B. Not Neglect Your Marriage • C. Reset Goals To Emphasize The Spiritual • D. Learn to Accept Changes In Life • E. Watch For Pitfalls – Lead to Adultery • Don’t lust / fantasize (Prov. 6:25) • Use tools to ensnare you (Prov. 7:10) • Watch for flirting (Prov. 6:24-25; 7:21) • A Seducer will lie (Prov. 7:15) • Don’t play with fire (Prov. 5:8) • Opportunity / occasion will come (Prov. 7:19-20)
The Challenge of a Mid-Life Crisis I. The Challenges of The Mid-Life II. Causes of Extra-Marital Affairs III. Answers / Do To Prevent Problems