A Presentation by Denise Britton B.Soc.Wk., M.Litt., M.A.Ps.S Principal Psychologist Britton Psychological Services Pty

1. Developmental Needs of Children and Contact Regimes A Presentation by Denise Britton B.Soc.Wk., M.Litt., M.A.Ps.S Principal Psychologist Britton Psychological Services Pty Ltd

2. Introduction Cooperation is the key • Social, emotional and moral development • Biological and cognitive development • Current Family Law climate • Move towards presumption of “shared parental responsibility” in relation to major long term children’s issues • Parents encouraged to consider substantial sharing of parenting time • “father’s rights” vs “mothers are best” • Go to sources of articles and be careful of emotional rhetoric reflecting personal agendas Paul Brereton SC – balanced view of the evidence[Brereton, 2005] • Wallerstein and Lewis (1977) almost all children in research sample “longed and wished for more frequent visits with their fathers” • Longitudinal follow up study with adults interviewed as children in 1977 study • Reported that their accessschedules with their father had been “too disruptive and too inflexible”

3. New Amendments • Ample evidence that when orders in place and parents remain highly uncooperative CHILDREN SUFFER JUST AS MUCHIN UNILATERAL SOLE CUSTODY AS IN JOINT CUSTODY ARRANGEMENTS PRIMARY AND OVERIDING CONSIDERATIONS • The BENEFIT to the child from having a MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH PARENTS • The need to PROTECT the child from VIOLENCE or PSYSCHOLOGICAL HARM Change in Terminology What is being considered? DEVELOPMENTAL NEEDS OF CHILDREN AND THE TIME THEY SPEND LIVING AND COMMUNICATING WITH THEIR PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS AND OTHER RELATIVES

4. How can we use knowledge of children's developmental needs (or maturity) in best practice decision making in children's matters? Trend amongst experts for repertoire of contact regimens • Most flexible are: • Ricci (1997) • Wallerstein and Blakeslee (2003) • Emery (2004) • Kelly (2004) Bruce Smyth Family Matters (2004) – critically analyses these models no formulae range of models as illustrations

5. The Neonate Birth to 3/4 mths Obvious basic physical needs Survival requires carers who are responsible • “pre-attachment phase” Bowlby (1969) • Mother-child dyad • Recent research – sex of primary carer does not seem to matter • 2½ - 3 months “social smile” emerges • Carers – sufficient interpersonal warmth to interact with the infant in an animated and responsive fashion Breast fed v Bottle fed • Breast fed • Vital to respect the needs of the mother and the child • Contact away from the mother’s home is likely to be unworkable at this early stage • Bottle fed • No reason why primary care cannot be provided by any sensitive and competent person with the infant’s best interests at heart • Best if this person is likely to continue to be the significant person in the child’s life

6. Birth to 3/4 mths - Carers Adults typically respond to cries of infant with increased heart rate and blood pressure [Bleachfield and Moely, 1984] • Worst case scenario is physical abuse of infant [Frodi, 1985] • Factors • Mental health problems and financial stress create predisposition to over-reaction • Adequate support systems Contact arrangements must take into account • Need for neonate to be close to at least one primary carer who is learning to accurately “read” the infant’s signs of distress As a result child develops: • Sense of security, trust and predictability

7. Robert Emery (2004) Ranges of ages Variations in capacity of the parents to cooperate Traditional options for an angry divorce Integrated options for a distant divorce Closely integrated options for a cooperative divorce BIRTH TO 18 MTHS Every Sat from 11 am to 5 pm including afternoon nap Every Wed evening from 4.30 pm to 6.30 pm OR Every Sat from 2 pm to 6 pm Every Mon & Wed from 3 pm to 5 pm Birth to 3 or 4 mths - Options Mary Lund (2005) • Contact every other day in the primary carer’s home for up to 3 hours • Contact parent taking some responsibility for the infant care during this time • Enhances the likelihood of continued long term contact between father and child because of father’s bond with infant • Time spent changing nappies, feeding and soothing baby creates a more competent and confident father PREFERENCE

8. Traditional & more modern wisdom recommends contact with non-resident parent to be: BUT Emotions over loss of relationship probably still running high Blame Guilt Vindictiveness Grief THUS Rigid contact schedule may of necessity need to be imposed Birth to 3/4 mths - Options • Relatively short • Frequent • Flexible arrangements

9. Birth to 3 or 4 mths - Other Issues Challenges PARENTS: • Put aside their differences LAWYERS: • Help them see what must happen • Help them find a way to do it Realisation • Mediation may assist in formulating a workable plan • Early Contact periods possibly with an interested third party acceptable to both parents present • DOMESTIC VIOLENCE may require frequency and duration of contact to be: • Sub-optimal • Neutral location • Supervised

10. Infants from 4 to 12 mths Physical needs similar to neonate but • Need for sleep gradually declines • Need for socialisation and cognitive stimulation increase • At 6 – 8 months discriminate between people and prefer 1 or 2 special people over others • Target usually mother but not always • May attach to father or grandparent or older sibling in preference to mother (even if primary carer) • Some babies do not form single attachments at all • Make multiple attachments simultaneously [Schaffer and Emerson (1964)] • Some evidence high quality day care does not jeopardise infants’ attachment to their parents • Length of each day care session a significant factor • Quality and sensitivity of parents’ care more significant than quantity of time

11. Infants from 4 to 12 mths - Development 6 to 8 months “clear cut attachment phase” (Bowlby) • Typically display separation anxiety when distance between them and their mother becomes uncomfortable • Fathers make a unique contribution to infant’s development in normal parenting duo • Babies often prefer to play with fathers [Lamb, 1975] • Mothers and fathers offer different things to their infant’s development • Fathers engaging in affectionate and stimulating play can influence later development • Infants of both sexes with involved fathers scored higher on tests of cognitive development [Radin, 1985] • Fathers may be just as nurturing and sensitive as mothers [Pruett, 1987]

12. Infants from 4 to 12 mths - Options • Contact regimes based on infant being more mobile than neonate • Regular overnight stays away from primary carer not usually recommended • However, infant can cope with occasional sleep-overs without the primary carer • Familiarity to be maintained in their normal routine • Not left with strangers • As thinking advances may be realized that both parents can safely spend substantial periods of time with children who are this young • Cooperation between parents and synchrony in routines will minimise negative impact

13. Infants from 4 to 12 mths - Options • 1 or 2 hours at a time with non resident parent several days a week (ideal) • Emery’s schedules more suitable for this age group • Angry Divorce • Every Sat from 11 am to 5 pm including afternoon nap OR • Every Sat from 9 am to 1 pm; every Wed from 3 pm to 5.30 pm, picked up at day care & returned to other parent’s home • Co-operative Divorce • Every Sat from 11 am until 5 pm including afternoon nap; every Mon and Wed evening from 4.30 pm until 7.30 pm; some contact/feeding/bedtime takes place at residential parent’s home OR • 2 weekdays from 8 am to 1 pm (substituting for child care; every Sat from 11 am until 5 pm; occasional Sat overnights if the baby seems to tolerate them well NOT PREFERABLE

14. Toddlers from 1 to 3 years - Attachment Attachment to primary carer and other interested persons takes on considerable significance Mary Ainsworth – “strange situation test” • Benchmark for assessingsecurity of mother-child relationship • Crucial factor the way the children react to return of their mothers • Anxious/avoidant • Securely attached • Anxious/resistant More recent research • Most important prerequisite for secure attachment = sensitive responsiveness of the caregiver to the infant’s needs

15. Toddlers from 1 to 3 years - Separation Behaviours • Danger in reading too much into observed attachment and separation behaviours • Temperamental disposition and cultural background of toddler important • Evidence that mothers need responsive infants to reach full potential as caregivers • Cultural factors may influence observed outcomes • Research comparing reactions of infants to mothers and to that of fathers in the strange situation could be enlightening

16. Toddlers from 1 to 3 years - Development • All areas of development proceed at enormous rate • 3 year olds can communicate complex ideas and tailor communication to listener • Early socialization and ability to form many levels of relationships across all age groups • Period of autonomy and negativism • “terrible twos” “terrible threes” “NO” • Need firm and appropriatelimits • Need sense of security to allow them to test their emerging abilities • Parents/carers need patience, persistence and clear and positive sense of self • Securely attached 2 yrs olds demonstrate willingness to venture away from caregivers and are ahead of peers in social and emotional development

17. Toddlers from 1 to 3 years - Needs • Need frequent contact with attachment figures • A more equitable form of shared cared including overnight stays • Secure attachment to both primary caregiver and contact carers will predispose to successful increase in time with the contact parent • Collaborative study – NGALA Family Resource Centre, Anglicare WA and Lifeline WA [Ladbrook, 2003] Continuum among men and women from standardised to negotiated gender roles Men are able to learn to attach, relate to and nurture their (very young) children

18. Toddlers from 1 to 3 years - Options Emery recommends the following options for this age group: Traditional Option for Angry Divorce • Every Sat from 2 pm to 6 pm; Overnight until 10 am alternate Sun; OR • Every other weekend from 2 pm on Sat with overnight until 11 am Sun; Alternate Mon evenings from 5 pm to 7pm on the Mon following the weekend spent with residential parent. More Integrated Options for Distant Divorce • Every Sat from 9 am until 5 pm including a nap; Overnight until 9 am on alternate Sun; Every Wed evening from 4.30 pm until 6.30 pm. Closely Integrated Options for Co-operative Divorce • Every Sat from 10 am until 10 am Sun; Every Mon & Wed evening from 4.30pm until 7.30 pm; Some contact/feeding/bedtime taking place at residential parent’s home; OR • Two weekdays from 1 pm until 5 pm (substituting for child care); Every Fri from 1 pm until 12 pm on Sat.

19. Pre-schoolers from 4 to 5 years - Development Piaget called this stage of development “pre-operational” • Do not yet think like adults • Tend to think in rather magical ways • Typically attribute causation in what adults would consider an irrational manner • In parental disputes perceive themselves as cause of the conflict • Often align themselves with one parent and alienate themselves from the other • Understanding of the world very concrete and experientiallybased At this age common scenario in Family Court is that primary carer will allege some sort of abuse and the pre-schooler will often support these claims

20. Pre-schoolers from 4 to 5 years Difficulty associating time sequences with events and giving specific examples of recurrent events [Nelson, 1986] Tendency to make up information required or agree to what is put to them [Goodman, Aman and Hirschman 1987] Vulnerable to agreeing, changing their stories or even forgetting the original memories as a result of blending the real with the suggested [Ceci and Bruck, 1993 and Siegal, 1991] Play takes on great deal of importance and fantasy play tends to foster creativity. Associated with greater verbal fluency, better story telling and greater capacity to sit quietly [Singer, J., 1973] Parents who facilitate fantasy and imaginative play tend to keep homes where tidiness has a lower priority than children’s freedom to explore their environment. [Singer, 1973]

21. Pre-schoolers from 4 to 5 years - Needs more imaginative and intellectually advanced children [Fein, 1981] Fathers who spend more time DV & physical punishment less imaginative children [Singer & Singer, 1981] less social competence, external locus of control and lack of spontaneity and intellectual curiosity - especially in boys [Baumrind, 1971, 1980] Authoritarian parenting Overly permissive parenting ImmaturityandlackofControl [Baumrind, 1980; Dornbusch et al.,1987; Lamborn et al., 1991] Authoritative parenting (as Promoted in Triple P courses and similar) Betterpre-schoolperformance, socialadjustment, independenceandcontentment [Hetherington & Clingempeel, 1992]

22. Pre-schoolers from 4 to 5 years - Needs Pre-school boys have a higher rate of behaviour disorder and social interaction problems in single parent maternal household than girls or either sex in dual parent households [Baldwin &skinner, 1989] Boys often do better when the mother re-partners [Hetherington & Clingempeel, 1992] Pre-school children still need a high level of parent contact – both parents [Lund, 2005]

23. Pre-schoolers from 4 to 5 years - Options TRADITIONAL: Every second weekend plus mid week for short visits SHARED CARE: Four nights a week with one parent and three with the other – perhaps with reversals each week Where distance is an issue, up to three weeks away from primary care parent OK Emery’s suggestions offer a number of options for each of his parental cooperation levels

24. Primary School Age Children 6 to 12 years - Development • Greater expectations of the childby adults • Rise of the peer group • Role of teachers and other adult trainersovertakes that of parents • Parents still of vital importance in supporting and directing • More abstract reasoning ability • Clearer adoption of sex typed roles • Greater independence and moral development • New sense of self High self esteem during this period of development has been found to predict satisfaction and happiness in later life whilst low self esteem is associated with adult depression, anxiety and poor adjustment academically and socially [Harter, 1993]

25. Primary School Age Children 6 to 12 years - Key Factors Parenting style [Coppersmith, 1967] Academic achievement [Stevenson, Lee &Stigler, 1986] Parent’s decisions about where to live and where to send children to school [Parke &Ladd, 1992] Significant time spent with each parent [Fry & Glover, 1982] Girls with daily access to fathers Better problem solving skills [Fry &Grover, 1982] Exposure to parental conflict Attempts to relieve stress through distraction, avoidance or direct Intervention [McIntosh, 2003] Boys seek more time with father and girls need fathers for development of self esteem [Biddulph, 2003]

26. Primary School Age Children 6 to 12 years - Options Lund Same nights each week at each home Less negotiation between parents needed Childrenprefer longer blocks of time with each parent Where distance is an issue, up to 6 weeks at a time with the non resident parent is OK For a comprehensive schedule of innovative options see Kelly’s “menu of scheduling options” www.coloradodivorcemediation.com/family/parent_plans.asp Emery gives options for both 6-9 yrs olds & 10-12 yr olds. Also specifies different choices according to degree of cooperation between parents

27. Adolescence - Development • Time of tumultuous change • Individuation or emancipation from parental control • Development of a new identity • Pressures in relation to • Becoming sexually active • Deciding on a career path • Confronting philosophical tensions • Development of a belief system • Conflict with parents and culture • Risky Time • Suicide • Addiction • STDs and teenage pregnancy Role of parents - balanced gradual relinquishment of control in favour of the self control of their offspring whilst still available as benevolent advisors.

28. Adolescence - Needs Increased time with peers BUT If parents too strict Too much reliance on peer group & vulnerability to negative influence [Fuligni & Eccles, 1993] Authoritative parenting style Better school achievement, happiness, better mental health, less delinquency [Silverberg, et al., 1992; Fletcher et al., 1995; Steinberg & Darling, 1994] Time with both parents ideal

29. Adolescence - Needs IN SEPARATED FAMILIES: • Can withdraw from family • Alignment with one parent at expense of relationship with other common • Boys often best living with fathers UNLESS father violent • Girls will usually choose mother in a traditional arrangement but still need significant input from father • Shared care – If according to adolescent’s routine and not imposed, often successful Parents should, more than ever before, unite in dealing with their offspring

30. Conclusion It is to be hoped that you are now CONFUSED There isNO EASY WAY to match children’s developmental needs to the AMOUNT OF TIME spent with each separated parent and how that time is spent. Considering the best interests of each child has always been a DAUNTING TASK and is becoming even MORE DIFFICULT. We can no longer hide behind “traditional” arrangements, many of which are based on OUTDATED PRECEPTS and MYTHS The aim should be for CHILDREN TO BE THE WINNERS – not the social scientists or the lawyers.

31. “Developmental Needs of Children and Contact Regimes” Denise Britton Principal Psychologist Britton Psychological Services Pty Ltd brittpsy@bigpond.net.au Family Law Residential Friday 30 September 2005 Multimedia by Danielle Wright © Denise Britton 2005