Writing workshop 11 Essay—Self-evaluation & Language

1. Chunyan Shao (Shandong University) Writing workshop 11Essay—Self-evaluation & Language

2. Unity One idea in one paragraph New idea, new paragraph

3. Coherence Meaning: Latin “hold/stick together” Purpose: easy to read and understand Three aspects: 1) Logical and smooth movement, no jumps. 2) Supporting sentences: logical order 3) Ideas: connected with transitional signals

4. 4 ways to achieve coherence 1. Key noun repetition/substitute(synonym) 2. Pronouns to refer back to key nouns 3. Transition signals/words 4. Sentences in good order

5. 1 . Repetition of key nouns & 2. Pronouns Hiking on the Appalachian Trail can be very dangerous. One reason is that hungry bears may be searching for food, thus posing a threat to the travelers. Another reason is when it rains, the trail— very steep at some points—becomes slippery, in which case the hikers are very likely to slip, fall into the valleys and hurt themselves. A third reason is that severe weather develops quickly, and may expose the hikers to storm and cold. Therefore, walking on the Appalachian Trail one might be challenged by the animals, the trail and the weather change, all of which contribute to the peril of hiking there.

6. New-old information & Hyponymy Business school professors perennially debate over whether maintaining an old employee is more costly than hiring a new one. The issue has strong proponents on each side. Human resourceexperts maintain that keeping an old employeerequires fewer man hours for training and orientation. However, management gurus insist that having the right person in the right position increases the overall productivity of a team or workgroup. Between these two arguments are the economists who study new hiring practices in a company-specific context. New-red Old-blue Categorization: issue, arguments Hyponym-subordinate Flower-rose Proponents: human resource experts, management gurus, economists

7. 3. Transitional signals First, second, next, finally, therefore, and, however, in conclusion, on the other hand, as a result, similarly , moreover, furthermore, in addition, in contrast

8. One example • One difference among the world's seas and oceans is that the salinity varies in different climate zones. The Baltic Sea in northern Europe is only one-fourth as salty as the Red Sea in the Middle East. There are reasons for this. In warm climates, water evaporates rapidly. The concentration of salt is greater. The surrounding land is dry and does not contribute much freshwater to dilute the salty seawater. In cold climate zones, water evaporates slowly. The runoff created by melting snow adds a considerable amount of freshwater to dilute the saline seawater.

9. Better one with transition • One difference among the world's seas and oceans is that the salinity varies in different climate zones. For example, the Baltic Sea in northern Europe is only one-fourth as saline as the Red Sea in the Middle East. There are two reasons for this. First of all, in warm climate zones, water evaporates rapidly; therefore, the concentration of salt is greater. Second, the surrounding land is dry; consequently, it does not contribute much freshwater to dilute the salty seawater. In cold climate zones, on the other hand, water evaporates slowly. Furthermore, the runoff created by melting snow adds a considerable amount of freshwater to dilute the saline seawater.

10. How to Grow an Avocado Treel • After you have enjoyed the delicious taste of an avocado, do not throw out the seed! You can grow a beautiful houseplant or even your own tree by following these simple steps. First, wash the seed. Second, dry it. Third, insert three toothpicks into its thickest part. Then fill a glass or empty jar with water. After that, suspend the seed in the water with the pointed end up and the broad end down. The water should cover about an inch of the seed. Next, put the glass in a warm place, but not in direct sunlight. Add water when necessary to keep the bottom of the seed under water at all times. In two to six weeks, you should see roots begin to grow. Furthermore, the seed will crack open, and then a stem will emerge from the top. However, wait until the stem is 6 to 7 inches long. Then cut it back to about 3 inches. Now wait until the roots are thick and the stem has leafed out again. Then fill an 8- to 10-inch diameter clay pot with enriched potting soil.

11. Plant the seed, leaving the top half exposed. Then water it well. After that, water frequently but lightly; also give the plant an occasional deep soaking. However, do not overwater your little tree. Yellow leaves are a sign of too much water. Then place the potted plant in a sunny window and watch it grow. The more sunlight, the better; Then, when the stem is 12 inches high, cut it back to 6 inches to encourage the growth of side branches. In just a few more weeks, you will have a beautiful indoor plant. In conclusion, enjoy your new plant, but do not expect it to bear fruit. Avocados grown from seed occasionally flower and bear fruit; however, first you will have to plant it outside and then wait anywhere from five to thirteen years. Do not overuse transitional words or expressions!

12. 4. Good order 1) Chronological order 1. Narration 2. Process, procedures 2) Order of importance 3) Logical order 1. Cause-effect 2. Comparison/contrast

13. Example • The process of machine translation of languages is complex. To translate a document from English into Japanese, for example, the computer first analyzes an English sentence, determining its grammatical structure and identifying the subject, verb, objects, and modifiers. Next, the words are translated by an English-Japanese dictionary. After that, another part of the computer program analyzes the resulting awkward jumble' of words and meanings and produces an intelligible sentence based on the rules of Japanese syntax2 and the machine's understanding of what the original English sentence meant. Finally, a human bilingual editor polishes the computer-produced translation.

14. Review • Every good paragraph has both unity and coherence. • Unity • one idea in a paragraph. • staying on the topic in your supporting sentences • Coherence • key nouns repetition and substitution, hyponymy. • pronouns • transition signals • good order

15. Academic writing style Writing in an academic style – Using formal, impersonal, objective and precise vocabulary.

16. Example • A lot of people think the weather is getting worse. They say it has been going on for quite a long time. I think they are right because we now get storms etc all the time. • Do you like the paragraph?

17. A lot of people think ... • Imprecise • How many is a lot of? • More suitable one?

18. What’s the difference? • A lot of people think… • A significant / considerable number of people believe that ... • A significant / considerable number of scientists / experts believe that ... --more precise and formal.

19. …the weather is getting worse. • Imprecise • How worse? • Alternatives? • …the climate is deteriorating worldwide? --precise and formal.

20. What’s wrong? • They say that this has been going on for quite a long time. • They say… • Who? • …for quite a long time. • How long? • Imprecise and informal. • Alternatives? • A significant number of climatic experts consider that this process has been continuing for over 100 years. --more objective, precise and formal

21. I think that they are quite right. • I think… • Informal and personal • They are… • Imprecise • Alternatives? • These opinions are supported by an analysis of the results of the latest research which shows that major storms are occurring with increasing levels of frequency. --more objective, precise and formal.

22. Research has shown that we now get storms etc all the time. • …we… • Informal, avoided • …storms etc. • Imprecise with etc. • …all the time. • Over-generalized. Not actually true. • Alternative? • For example, in Europe in 2003, countries, such as France, Germany and the United Kingdom experienced an above average number of extreme winter storms. --more objective, precise and formal.

23. Original one • A lot of people think the weather is getting worse. They say it has been going on for quite a long time. I think they are right because we now get storms etc all the time.

24. A significant number of scientists hold the opinion that climatic conditions are deteriorating worldwide and consider that this process has been continuing for over 100 years. These opinions are supported by an analysis of the results of the latest research which shows that major storms are occurring with increasing levels of frequency. For instance, in Europe in 2003, countries, such as France, Germany and the United Kingdom experienced an above average number of extreme winter storms.

25. These days a lot of kids are starting school early. Years ago, they began at five, but now it’s normal to start at four or younger. Why is this? One thing is that mums need to get back to work. Is it good for kids? People have studied this and says that early schooling causes social problems like stealing, drug-taking etc. I think he’s right and we should pay mums to stay at home.

26. These days a significant number of children are starting school at the age of four or less, whereas thirty years ago five was the normal age. It can be argued that one of the reasons for this change is that mothers often need to rejoin the labour force in order to supplement their families resources. When considering whether this development is beneficial for children, Porter (2003) notes that earlier school attendance can often lead to social problems such as vandalism, theft and drug taking. Both the research of Harrison (2005) and Speeding (2006) supports this view with Speeding, consequently, arguing that the state should subsidise mothers to stay at home with their children.

27. Writing Clearly • As a general rule, what you are trying to say should never be obscured by how you say it

28. clichés • Avoid • “In today’s society,” “In this day and age” • Double adjectives • – “Highly innovative,” “Extremely interesting”

29. “The fact that” – unnecessary wording

30. Last but not the least • Clever in the 1960s perhaps, makes you look silly now. • Nowadays • Entirely overused, often unnecessary. • More and More • More is sufficient, increasingly is good too.

31. As we all know • Commonly misused, which insults your audience. • No one can deny, it is evident/obvious that... • It forces your reader to think like you. People have different opinions. • So in effect, you are making your audience feel stupid. Not good.

32. There can be no doubt, undoubtedly... • Yes there can be. • This is the hottest topic, everyone is discussing it. • Often false, so it is easy to tell you use this for any topic.

33. First of all, secondly, finally at the beginning of every paragraph. • Only number points if it helps your reader. • Otherwise, do you really need to help your reader count 4-5 paragraphs?

34. And so on • Not in academic writing. It just makes you look lazy, like you ran out of ideas or gave up thinking, so you just write “and so on”.

35. Different people have different views. • Opinions vary among people. • Of course they do, this expression is dumb. • Very frustrating: no originality. • Better English skills, so why write just like everyone else?

36. Redundant Pairs • We have completely finished the assignment before the deadline. • Finish implies complete, so completely finish is redundant.

37. Redundant pairs • past memories various differences • each individual basic fundamentals • true facts important essentials • future plans terrible tragedy • end result final outcome • free gift past history • unexpected surprise sudden crisis • What is the problem? • Literal translation: Chinese-English

38. Work 1 • Check if your essay has unity and coherence. Specifically, whether your essay has • (1) Unity • ---one idea in a paragraph • ---one thesis in the essay. • ---staying on the topic in your supporting sentences • (2) Coherence • ---key nouns repetition and substitution, hyponymy. • ---pronouns • ---transition signals • ---good order

39. Work 2 • Now pls. check your writing on the language. • Make sure… • No cliche • No redundancy • No personal, imprecise or informal expressions