10. Concision ( Michael Alley, Joseph M. Williams, & Stan Fields) Principles of concision:

1. 10. Concision (Michael Alley, Joseph M. Williams, & Stan Fields) • Principles of concision: • 1. Delete words and phrases that mean little or nothing. • 2. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words. • 3. Delete words implied by other words. • 4. Replace a phrase with a word. • 5. Change negatives to affirmatives. • Examples: • 1a. Delete words that mean little or nothing: • Kind of actually particular really certain various • Virtually individual basically generally given practically • Productivity actually depends on certain factors that basically involve psychology more than any particular technology.

2. 10. Concision (Michael Alley, Joseph M. Williams, & Stan Fields) • Principles of concision: • 1. Delete words and phrases that mean little or nothing. • 2. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words. • 3. Delete words implied by other words. • 4. Replace a phrase with a word. • 5. Change negatives to affirmatives. • Examples: • 1a. Delete words that mean little or nothing: • Kind of actually particular really certain various • Virtually individual basically generally given practically • Productivity actually depends on certain factors that basically involve psychology more than any particular technology.

3. 10. Concision (Michael Alley, Joseph M. Williams, & Stan Fields) • Principles of concision: • 1. Delete words and phrases that mean little or nothing. • 2. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words. • 3. Delete words implied by other words. • 4. Replace a phrase with a word. • 5. Change negatives to affirmatives. • Examples: • 1a. Delete words that mean little or nothing: • Kind of actually particular really certain various • Virtually individual basically generally given practically • Productivity actually depends on certain factors that basically involve psychology more than any particular technology. • Change to: • Productivity depends on psychology more than on technology.

4. 1b. Delete phrases that mean little or nothing: As a matter of fact it should be pointed out I might add that The course of it is noteworthy that the fact that It is significant that the presence of It is known that It is interesting to note that over 90 incidents of satellite fragmentations have produced over 36,000 kilograms of space debris.

5. 1b. Delete phrases that mean little or nothing: As a matter of fact it should be pointed out I might add that The course of it is noteworthy that the fact that It is significant that the presence of It is known that It is interesting to note that over 90 incidents of satellite fragmentations have produced over 36,000 kilograms of space debris.

6. 1b. Delete phrases that mean little or nothing: As a matter of fact it should be pointed out I might add that The course of it is noteworthy that the fact that It is significant that the presence of It is known that It is interesting to note that over 90 incidents of satellite fragmentations have produced over 36,000 kilograms of space debris. Change to: More than 90 incidents of satellite fragmentations have produced over 36,000 kilograms of space debris.

7. 1b. Delete phrases that mean little or nothing: As a matter of fact it should be pointed out I might add that The course of it is noteworthy that the fact that It is significant that the presence of It is known that It is interesting to note that over 90 incidents of satellite fragmentations have produced over 36,000 kilograms of space debris. Change to: More than 90 incidents of satellite fragmentations have produced over 36,000 kilograms of space debris. From a single journal issue: Studies have revealed that Elegant experimental work provides striking evidence that The results gathered so far indicate that Studies have shown that We should also remember that It is therefore of great interest several recent reports suggest that Current genetic findings suggest that

8. 2. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words: • Full and complete first and foremost any and all • True and accurate each and every basic and fundamental • 3. Delete words implied by other words: • basic fundamentals future plans each individual final outcome • various different large in size round in shape unusual in nature • in an accurate manner Of a strange type of a bright color at an early time • During that period of time, the membrane area became pink in color and shiny in appearance.

9. 2. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words: • Full and complete first and foremost any and all • True and accurate each and every basic and fundamental • 3. Delete words implied by other words: • basic fundamentals future plans each individual final outcome • various different large in size round in shape unusual in nature • in an accurate manner Of a strange type of a bright color at an early time • During that period of time, the membrane area became pink in color and shiny in appearance.

10. 2. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words: • Full and complete first and foremost any and all • True and accurate each and every basic and fundamental • 3. Delete words implied by other words: • basic fundamentals future plans each individual final outcome • various different large in size round in shape unusual in nature • in an accurate manner Of a strange type of a bright color at an early time • During that period of time, the membrane area became pink in color and shiny in appearance. • Change to: • During that period, the membrane became pink and shiny.

11. 2. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words: • Full and complete first and foremost any and all • True and accurate each and every basic and fundamental • 3. Delete words implied by other words: • basic fundamentals future plans each individual final outcome • various different large in size round in shape unusual in nature • in an accurate manner Of a strange type of a bright color at an early time • During that period of time, the membrane area became pink in color and shiny in appearance. • Change to: • During that period, the membrane became pink and shiny. • Imagine someone trying to learn the rules for playing the game of chess.

12. 2. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words: • Full and complete first and foremost any and all • True and accurate each and every basic and fundamental • 3. Delete words implied by other words: • basic fundamentals future plans each individual final outcome • various different large in size round in shape unusual in nature • in an accurate manner Of a strange type of a bright color at an early time • During that period of time, the membrane area became pink in color and shiny in appearance. • Change to: • During that period, the membrane became pink and shiny. • Imagine someone trying to learn the rules for playing the game of chess. • Learning implies someone trying; chess is a kind of game.

13. 2. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words: • Full and complete first and foremost any and all • True and accurate each and every basic and fundamental • 3. Delete words implied by other words: • basic fundamentals future plans each individual final outcome • various different large in size round in shape unusual in nature • in an accurate manner Of a strange type of a bright color at an early time • During that period of time, the membrane area became pink in color and shiny in appearance. • Change to: • During that period, the membrane became pink and shiny. • Imagine someone trying to learn the rules for playing the game of chess. • Learning implies someone trying; chess is a kind of game. • Change to: • Imagine learning the rules of chess.

14. 4. Replace a phrase with a word: At this point in time  now At that point in time  then Has the ability to  can In light of the fact that  because Concerning the matter of  about In the event that  if In the vicinity of  near In a situation in which  when It is possible that  may Owing to the fact that  because The question as to whether  whether There is no doubt but that  no doubt Despite the fact that the data were checked, errors occurred.

15. 4. Replace a phrase with a word: At this point in time  now At that point in time  then Has the ability to  can In light of the fact that  because Concerning the matter of  about In the event that  if In the vicinity of  near In a situation in which  when It is possible that  may Owing to the fact that  because The question as to whether  whether There is no doubt but that  no doubt Despite the fact that the data were checked, errors occurred.

16. 4. Replace a phrase with a word: At this point in time  now At that point in time  then Has the ability to  can In light of the fact that  because Concerning the matter of  about In the event that  if In the vicinity of  near In a situation in which  when It is possible that  may Owing to the fact that  because The question as to whether  whether There is no doubt but that  no doubt Despite the fact that the data were checked, errors occurred. Change to: Although the data were checked, errors occurred.

17. This is the most difficult type of redundancy to fix because it requires a large vocabulary: As you carefully read what you have written to improve wording and catch errors of spelling and punctuation, the thing to do before anything else is to see whether you could use sequences of subjects and verbs instead of the same ideas expressed in nouns.

18. This is the most difficult type of redundancy to fix because it requires a large vocabulary: As you carefully read what you have written to improve wording and catch errors of spelling and punctuation, the thing to do before anything else is to see whether you could use sequences of subjects and verbs instead of the same ideas expressed in nouns. carefully read what you have written…  edit the thing to do before anything else  first use X instead of Y  replace nouns instead of verbs  nominalizations sequences of subjects and verbs  clauses

19. This is the most difficult type of redundancy to fix because it requires a large vocabulary: As you carefully read what you have written to improve wording and catch errors of spelling and punctuation, the thing to do before anything else is to see whether you could use sequences of subjects and verbs instead of the same ideas expressed in nouns. carefully read what you have written…  edit the thing to do before anything else  first use X instead of Y  replace nouns instead of verbs  nominalizations sequences of subjects and verbs  clauses Change to: As you edit, first replace nominalizations with clauses

20. 5. Change negatives to affirmatives. • Expressing ideas in the negative form is less efficient and direct than the affirmative. • Except when applicants have failed to submit applications without complete documentation, benefits will not be denied.

21. 5. Change negatives to affirmatives. • Expressing ideas in the negative form is less efficient and direct than the affirmative. • Except when applicants have failed to submit applications without complete documentation, benefits will not be denied.

22. 5. Change negatives to affirmatives. • Expressing ideas in the negative form is less efficient and direct than the affirmative. • Except when applicants have failed to submit applications without complete documentation, benefits will not be denied. • Change to: • You will receive benefits only if you submit all of your documents.

23. 5. Change negatives to affirmatives. • Expressing ideas in the negative form is less efficient and direct than the affirmative. • Except when applicants have failed to submit applications without complete documentation, benefits will not be denied. • Change to: • You will receive benefits only if you submit all of your documents. • Not different  similar not many few • Not the same different not often rarely • Not allow prevent not stop continue • Not notice overlook not include omit

24. 11. Excessive Hedging and Intensifying (Joseph M. Williams & Stan Fields) Some common hedges: Usually Often sometimes almost virtually possibly Perhaps apparently in some ways somewhat to a certain extent In some respects Most many some a certain number May might can could seem appear Suggest indicate There seems to be some evidence that may suggest that certain differences between Japanese and Western rhetoric could derive from historical influences possibly traceable to Japan’s long cultural isolation and Europe’s equally long history of cross-cultural contacts.

25. 11. Excessive Hedging and Intensifying (Joseph M. Williams & Stan Fields) Some common hedges: Usually Often sometimes almost virtually possibly Perhaps apparently in some ways somewhat to a certain extent In some respects Most many some a certain number May might can could seem appear Suggest indicate There seems to be some evidence that may suggest that certain differences between Japanese and Western rhetoric could derive from historical influences possibly traceable to Japan’s long cultural isolation and Europe’s equally long history of cross-cultural contacts.

26. 11. Excessive Hedging and Intensifying (Joseph M. Williams & Stan Fields) Some common hedges: Usually Often sometimes almost virtually possibly Perhaps apparently in some ways somewhat to a certain extent In some respects Most many some a certain number May might can could seem appear Suggest indicate There seems to be some evidence that may suggest that certain differences between Japanese and Western rhetoric could derive from historical influences possibly traceable to Japan’s long cultural isolation and Europe’s equally long history of cross-cultural contacts. Could be changed to: This evidence proves thatJapanese and Western rhetorics differ because of Japan’s long cultural isolation and Europe’s equally long history of cross-cultural contacts.

27. 11. Excessive Hedging and Intensifying (Joseph M. Williams & Stan Fields) Some common hedges: Usually Often sometimes almost virtually possibly Perhaps apparently in some ways somewhat to a certain extent In some respects Most many some a certain number May might can could seem appear Suggest indicate There seems to be some evidence that may suggest that certain differences between Japanese and Western rhetoric could derive from historical influences possibly traceable to Japan’s long cultural isolation and Europe’s equally long history of cross-cultural contacts. Could be changed to: This evidence proves thatJapanese and Western rhetorics differ because of Japan’s long cultural isolation and Europe’s equally long history of cross-cultural contacts. But might better be changed to: This evidence suggests that aspects of Japanese and Western rhetoric differ because of Japan’s long cultural isolation and Europe’s equally long history of cross-cultural contacts.

28. Efforts to convince the reader by language: The results clearly show that It is obvious from Figure 1 that The data argue convincingly that The only possible interpretation of these results is If the results are clear, obvious, convincing, etc. the reader does not need to be told these things. Moreover, the use of these terms undermines the significance of results that do not include these terms. 12. Abbreviations, Numbers & Noun Strings (Michael Alley, Joseph M. Williams & Stan Fields) Abbreviations People recognize words from their letters and from their shapes; when words are presented in capital letters this slows the reading. The over use of abbreviations also becomes irritating because one must repeatedly refer back to the original definitions.

29. Efforts to convince the reader by language: The results clearly show that It is obvious from Figure 1 that The data argue convincingly that The only possible interpretation of these results is If the results are clear, obvious, convincing, etc. the reader does not need to be told these things. Moreover, the use of these terms undermines the significance of results that do not include these terms. 12. Abbreviations, Numbers & Noun Strings (Michael Alley, Joseph M. Williams & Stan Fields) Abbreviations People recognize words from their letters and from their shapes; when words are presented in capital letters this slows the reading. The over use of abbreviations also becomes irritating because one must repeatedly refer back to the original definitions. Rules of thumb: Use a small number of abbreviations in any one paper or grant application; abbreviations should substantially shorten what they stand for; abbreviations should be used multiple times in the writing; abbreviations should not be combined together in a single sentence to produce gibberish. To detect densely connected subgraphs potentially representing biological modules, we applied the MCODE graph clustering algorithm to the CCSB-HI1 and to the combined CCSB-HI1-LCI and CCSB-HI1-LC networks.

30. Numbers The use of numbers in writing also slows the reading. If numbers can be expressed in one or two words, write them out: 1 one 2,000  two thousand 13  thirteen 76  seventy six However, there are a number of exceptions to this rule: Page numbers: Page 21 Figure numbers: Figure 2 Negative numbers: -1 Decimals: 0.3 Specific measurements: 12 meters/second Percentages: 15 percent Large numerals: 46 million Noun Strings Noun strings are frequently encountered in technical writing: Early childhood thought disorder misdiagnosis often results from…

31. Numbers The use of numbers in writing also slows the reading. If numbers can be expressed in one or two words, write them out: 1 one 2,000  two thousand 13  thirteen 76  seventy six However, there are a number of exceptions to this rule: Page numbers: Page 21 Figure numbers: Figure 2 Negative numbers: -1 Decimals: 0.3 Specific measurements: 12 meters/second Percentages: 15 percent Large numerals: 46 million Noun Strings Noun strings are frequently encountered in technical writing: Early childhood thought disorder misdiagnosis often results from…

32. Numbers The use of numbers in writing also slows the reading. If numbers can be expressed in one or two words, write them out: 1 one 2,000  two thousand 13  thirteen 76  seventy six However, there are a number of exceptions to this rule: Page numbers: Page 21 Figure numbers: Figure 2 Negative numbers: -1 Decimals: 0.3 Specific measurements: 12 meters/second Percentages: 15 percent Large numerals: 46 million Noun Strings Noun strings are frequently encountered in technical writing: Early childhood thought disorder misdiagnosis often results from… Reversing the order of the words makes compound noun phrases easier to read: Physicians misdiagnose disordered thought in young children because…