Diana Williams

1. Diana Williams Personal Dossier ED 447

2. Bias Statement I am: A single mother A survivor I am a sister. I am a daughter. I am white. I am American. I am woman. I am compassion and understanding. I was raised by the streets. I feel solidarity with struggling people. I have never been to a ghetto where I did not feel at home. I am plebian; I am prejudiced against the elite. I feel my people are misunderstood by those people. Yet, I tell myself we are all one people. I am spiritual, but I am not religious. I am open-minded and expectant of reciprocal respect. I get frustrated when others are not as open as I am. I am a strong, independent female. I am in a constant battle between feminism and man-hating. I am tarnished by the guidance of a sad, mean father. I am conscious that I must raise my boy to be a good man. I am assertive. I am a doer. I am strong-willed with keen coping skills. After time, I become irritated with those that cannot manage as I do; my understanding falters. I am a seeker of knowledge and understanding. I long to know, and I anticipate bewilderment, incongruence. I am a liberal. I am pro-choice. I believe in the right to choose whether you procreate, your religion, your marriage partner, your party affiliation, your gun ownership, your animal digestion, your career, your family structure, your life. I am troubled that ‘socialism’ is a bad word in America. I long for change. I have high hopes for my generation. I am joyous. I am in constant awe of the magic in the world. I see beauty and love in people. I believe that my life is my fault. I take responsibility for my joy.

3. Vitality and Awareness • 1. Joseph: Joseph is my son. For obvious reasons, he brings vitality into my life. I love Joseph more than anyone or thing in the entire world. He fills my spirit. Watching Joseph grow, teaching him, loving him, trying to keep up with him all contribute, heavily, to the vivaciousness of my life. Joseph also keeps me aware. Through motherhood, I am aware that there are so many things I do not know. I am aware of the way my words and actions can affect others. I am aware of how the love for one person can dictate every choice I make. Joseph is the biggest part of me, and the majority of my life is centered around his spirit and how I influence that spirit. • 2. Compassion • 3. Sleep • 4. Family • 5. Physical Fitness: I love to work out. Pushing my body to its limits is very empowering. Over the years, I have become more familiar with and confident in the capabilities of my body. Most importantly, keeping myself physically fit is vital to the fitness of my mind and soul. If I am stressed or sad, working out will turn that around. Although school sometimes gets in the way, I try to work out nearly daily. • 6. Eating fresh vegetables • 7. Microbrews • 8. Hip hop and R&B • 9. Personal growth: I am always looking to grow. Sometimes, this involves learning new things; much of the time, growth comes from confronting fear. I am typically willing and eager to face my fears. Honestly, giving birth truly taught me that the mind is in control of the body. I suppose, I knew this on a surface level, but going through the pain of labor, and managing that pain with my mind, showed me that ‘mind over matter’ is very powerful. Using this knowledge, I have overcome many things. I approach life with an open mind. • 10. Hiking • 11. Novels

4. 12. Dance • 13. Knowledge: Nothing is more empowering than knowledge. I enjoy learning. I pride myself, not only on my knowledge, but my wisdom, as well; therefore, I approach learning with the understanding and expectation that my views may be proven wrong. I desire to understand. I am curious and long for an ever-evolving appreciation of the world that can only come with the continuous pursuit of knowledge. • 14. Salsa • 15. Self-expression: voiced and written • 16. My lower-class roots: Wow! Few things impact the person that I am more than the fact that I was raised without luxury. My mother worked hard to support four children, on her own. We had the necessities, but extravagance rarely entered into our lives. Living in the land of ugly, American consumerism, I am extremely grateful for this. I was raised to know that the best things in life are not things. My self-worth has nothing to do with how much I own or what brand of shoes are on my feet. To me, money does not bring happiness. Yes, I do need the money to provide shelter, food, clothing, etc., but my happiness comes from relationships. I have a beautiful relationship with myself. I also have a big, strong, loving family. We love and support each other to the fullest. We’ve helped each other through the tough times, we’ve laughed our butts off with each other, and we’ve watched each other bring new lives into our family. No matter what, we will always be together. A million dollars could not replace the relationships I have with the people I love. Growing up poor taught me to value the truly valuable. • 17. The Earth • 18. Energy: Everything is connected through energy. If you have ever watched a military dad return to his kids or a weeping lover hold his dying sweetheart and felt the aching sensation in your chest and pit of your stomach, you know this energy. As a species, we have become so disconnected from our planet and from each other. For some reason, we think ourselves separate from both nature and neighbors. I thrive on this energy. In fact, this energy is the underlying reason many of these items are on my list. • 19. Respect • 20. Magic/wonder/beauty

5. I Am I am strong and happy. I wonder what kind of society my grandchildren will grow up in. I hear my son’s first breath. I see the energy leave my chest when I tell my love I love him. I want to inspire joy in those around me. I am strong and happy. I pretend everything is okay when it is not. I feel the first years of my son’s life gone. I touch the spirits of my loved ones. I worry that I carry too much of my father into my own parenting. I cry when my siblings cry. I am strong and happy. I understand that every being on earth is connected. I say we must consider all people from an open place. I dream about spiders and orcas. I try to humble myself. I hope for deep and plentiful snow this winter. I am strong and happy.

6. Proust Questionnaire • 1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?Being surrounded by people I love, having those people love me back… perhaps sitting around a bag of chips and bowl of home-made salsa. • 2. What is your greatest fear?Living longer than my son • 3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?My temper. I can usually keep it stable and inside, but I can get really mad. • 4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?Pity-parties. Either change the thing you’re complaining about or quit whining. Your life is your fault! • 5. Which living person do you most admire?My grandmother. She is a wealth of knowledge. She is informed and opinionated in politics, and she has a healthy spiritual understanding. • 6. What is your greatest extravagance?Stuffing myself with sushi and cocktails • 7. What is your current state of mind?Sensitive. After completing this dossier, I have gone through the ups and downs of deep joy and the irritation of old scars. • 8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?Righteousness. Who’s really righteous? Pretending to be righteous is unattractive. • 9. On what occasion do you lie?When my son asks a question, and I do not think he is ready for the answer. • 10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?My complexion • 11. Which living person do you find most banal?Lil Wayne • 12. What is the quality you most like in a man? Security in himself • 13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?The absence of cattiness • 14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse? “Besides” • 15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?Joseph Bryan Williams, my son • 16. When and where were you the happiest?The 2.5 years after I left my husband, but before I decided I wanted a man. • 17. Which talent would you most like to have?I wish I was really good at a sport. Growing up, I let ‘you’re smart, not athletic’ turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m fit, now, but I’ve never been an athlete.

7. 18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would be more patient with my son. I am currently working on this change. • 19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?Leaving my husband, who was not good for me and, most importantly, staying single for 3.5 years after I left him. • 20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?I would come back as the son of an educated, connected, elite American, so I could have more of an opportunity to influence change. I would bring with me the wisdom of my former lives. • 21. Where would you most like to live?On a boat capable of crossing oceans • 22. What is your most treasured possession? Joseph Bryan Williams, my son • 23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Being alone. Having no friends and family to care for you and share life with • 24. What is your favorite occupation?Interacting with people, getting to know them, loving them • 25. What is your most marked characteristic? My confidence and wisdom • 26.What do you most value in your friends?Authenticity. I like people who are who they are. • 27. Who are your favorite writers?TupacShakur and Mariah Carey • 28. Who is your hero of fiction? Scooby Doo. He is true to himself, and he makes my son laugh. • 29. Which historical figure do you most identify with? Who is a ‘figure?’ I identify with the everyday people of history that have worked hard to make their lives beautiful. • 30. Who are your heroes in real life?Single mothers, social activists, quality teachers • 31. What are your favorite names?Lesley, Joe, Kali, Jay, Joseph, Cyrus, Layla, Mitty, Marion. These are the names of the most important people in my life. • 32. What is it that you most dislike? Disrespect, greed, and beets • 33. What is your greatest regret?I am parental guilt ridden. Although I really am a great mom, I can’t help but to beat myself up over things I should have done differently. • 34. How would you like to die? Painless, quickly, when I am very old, but before I get dementia (if I am to get it) • 35. What is your motto?Joy is essential.

8. I Am From I am from the dirt under my mother’s fingernails, from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and slap bracelets. I am from the adobe walled, jam packed, raucous small-town home. I am from the sage brush, the sunflower, and the sandstone, the ponderosa pine, the morning glory, and the August monsoon. I am from 5 am Christmas mornings and tow-headedness, from Kali, from Joe, from Jay. I am from the mocking, just-for-fun sarcasm and the crying when someone succeeds. From “Go ask your dad” and “in or out!” I am from sporadic encounters with church. I am from my father’s back-and-forth between depressed rage and finding Jesus. I am from Colorado Springs and Germany, from Ignacio, CO, and Sweden, from cheese and broccoli soup and green chili stew. I am from corn meal mush. From the strength it took a woman to leave her hostile husband, the fear, the anger, the relief, and the painful, emotional, beautiful births of sons and daughters. I am from family photos, song lyrics, home-videos, poetry books, birthday cards, just-because cards. I am from love.