This Never Happened in 1946

1. This Never Happened in 1946

2. I was at the store when I got robbed. I was only 87, still in my young years. My husband Larry was at home waiting for me to come and make dinner, which he would refuse anyways. “Mable!” My husband would yell. “Don't forget to be back in time to make me dinner.” And I would reply with, “I'll get back when I get back Larry!”

3. I was now in the medicine section of the store, my basket half filled with medication. I just couldn't seem to find the laxative, I scanned the shelves, pain killer, lotion for rashes which all of coarse I already had.

4. Suddenly the shelf wobbled as if something hit it on the other side, so I stepped away thinking it might fall. I heard tires squeal on the wood floor and an old man came zipping around the corner on a mobility scooter... heading straight for me! I may have been an old woman but I still had my wits, I could see the determination in his eyes and knew that he wasn't stopping.

5. I grabbed my cane and turned to run in the opposite direction, but what I didn't know was that I was going a mind boggling half a mile per hour, but he was going one full mile per hour! I was knocked to the ground with a thud, but not before he took my purse! My large pink old lady purse that cost 40 dollars! It had everything in it, my medicine, money, makeup, more medicine, and every single credit card and gift card that I own. If I lost it, I lost everything, and right now I had lost it.

6. I imagined what Larry would think, “Oh Mable, we can't afford our house, our car, our life.” he would say in disappointment. I couldn't let him say that. I wouldn't let him say that. He wouldn't have to say that! I was getting my purse back no matter what!

7. I popped back into reality, my cane was halfway down the isle so I couldn't reach it to pull myself up, I was going to have to call for help. I yelled and yelled but it came out as a low moan. The man was laughing hysterically as he rode away. So you think it's funny to almost kill a little old 87 year old lady. I'd show him.

8. Suddenly I felt so enraged and powerful I thought that nothing could stop me. I started to use the shelf to pull me up but I was too weak my arms felt like jelly. I continued to struggle until I noticed that I was wobbling the shelf, and that slowly but surely a big bottle started leaning off the shelf. I squinted to read it, as if it mattered, and realized it was the laxative. That's where it was, except now I had no money to buy it.

9. The laxative leaned and leaned until it dropped off the shelf and slowly started rolling down the isle. It got faster and faster until it had caught up to the man on the scooter. It rolled in front of his wheel and started to slow down. It hit the scooters wheel and bumped it, just enough for my purse to pop open.

10. Then it happened the man jumped off the scooter (which apparently he didn't need) and ran down the isle his eyes burning red. My purse was on the ground and everything that was in it was scattered on the floor my medicine, my money, my makeup, and... my perfume!

11. It was at that moment I realized what happened. The little bump that opened my purse also opened the lid on my perfume, and the scent penetrated his eyes, which made them burn and sent him running. And Larry said perfume wasn't good for anything. Well I had proved him wrong!

12. I thought everything was okay until I tried to get up and realized I'd broke my hip. Well at least it can’t get worse. Crack!

13. Larry My husband. Someone who’s disrespectful, and doesn’t care about anything as long as he’s eaten, taken his pills and knows I still hate him. Why not get a divorce? Well 40 years ago I couldn’t have afforded it but now that I get money from the government I’m thinking about it.

14. LaxativeA topic best left undiscussed. Lets just say if your grandma takes it, it may be best to stay out of the bathroom. Then again she’ll probably be in there all day so you won’t get your chance.