Jeff Foxworthy on Wisconsin: You might live in Wisconsin if…

1. Jeff Foxworthy on Wisconsin:You might live in Wisconsin if… • you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by. • your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March.

2. you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Head Cheese. • you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year. • someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there. • you know how to say Oconomowoc, Waukesha , Menomonie, Manitowoc & Lac Du Flambeau.

3. you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time. • your town has an equal number of bars and churches. • you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number. • you think ketchup is a bit too spicy.

4. YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE WISCONSINITE WHEN… • your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. • “vacation” means going up north past Hwy 8 for the weekend. • you know several people who have hit deer more than once.

5. you often switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again. • you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. • you see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings and funerals).

6. you think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison. • you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them. • there are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time.

7. you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction. • you consider Minneapolis exotic. • you know how to polka. • a brat is something you eat.

8. your neighbor throws a party to celebrate the construction of his new pole shed. • your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce. • you find minus twenty degrees 'a little chilly'

9. COLD IS A RELATIVE THING 65 above zero: Arizonans turn on the heat. People in Wisconsin plant gardens. 60 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Wisconsin sunbathe.

10. COLD IS A RELATIVE THING 50 above zero: Italian & English cars won't start. People in Wisconsin drive with the windows down. 40 above zero: Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in Wisconsin throw on a flannel shirt.

11. COLD IS A RELATIVE THING 35 above zero: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Wisconsin have the last cookout before it gets cold. 20 above zero: People in Miami all die. Wisconsinites close the windows.

12. COLD IS A RELATIVE THING Zero: Californians fly away to Mexico . People in Wisconsin get out their winter coats. 10 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Wisconsin are selling cookies door to door.

13. COLD IS A RELATIVE THING 20 below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in Wisconsin let the dogs sleep indoors. 30 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Wisconsinites get upset because they can't start the snowmobile.

14. COLD IS A RELATIVE THING 40 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops. Wisconsin public schools will open 2 hrs. late. 50 below zero: Hell freezes over. People in Wisconsin start saying...”Cold enough for ya?”