Stress Less Through The College Admissions Process

1. Stress Less Through The College Admissions Process Dave Royhab Director of School Counseling Briar Woods High School

2. Who am I? • 20-years school counseling in LCPS • 17-years as a director at Park View HS and Briar Woods HS • I am admittingly untested parent – my oldest is a junior!

6. Your high school counseling office will provide resources with the “how-to’s” This presentation is not: • Researching colleges • Applying to college • Paying for college • I want to present you with some alternate ways of looking at the college admissions process and the high school experience • This presentation is not about clinical anxiety nor levels of stress that require professional intervention

7. You are encouraged to: • Be skeptical of everything I say • Feel free to disagree • Do not be overwhelmed by a list of things to do to be less overwhelmed! • My goal is for one thing I share to resonate with you • It is NOT my intent to tell you how to parent (I’m no expert!)

8. Are we talking about the College Admissions Process or the High School Experience?

9. Are we talking about the College Admissions Process or the High School Experience?

10. Topics • The secret… there is no secret • Is this your child’s anxiety… or yours? • Is this reasonable? • Paradigm shift • What if I told you…. • Sleep/nutrition/hydration/unplugging… not just for grown-ups • Tactical advice

11. The secret… there is no secret

12. The secret… there is no secret • I know how to get into “Harvard” • It’s really simple! • Take really, really hard classes, and get really, really good grades! (it’s simple, but not easy) • This is a very stressful proposition for most students

13. The secret… there is no secret • Some kids can “load up” and be fine – we all know one! • The reality is we – and our children– all handle stress, pressure, and anxiety differently • Most kids, at this point in their life, cannot handle that level of stress – and this is OK. I believe that this is the “silent majority” of kids

14. The secret… there is no secret • The message is not to encourage you or your child to set a the bar low • The message is for us, as parents, to keep an eye on our kids’ stress levels throughout high school all the way to the college application process… and intervene if necessary, and to help our kids reset their goals if necessary • For high schoolers, actually applying to college is not the stressor • For highly competitive kids, the stress is found in the years leading up to the application

15. Is this your child’s anxiety…or yours?

16. Is this your child’s anxiety…or yours? • Don’t be stressed out about the stuff that’s supposed to be a little stressful • Grades 9 & 10? • My child is a junior and… • There will be work involved (especially the junior year)! • How are we going to pay for this?

17. Is this your child’s anxiety…or yours? • “We are applying to college” vs. “My childis applying to college” • What is the end goal… and whose goal is it? • Are you OK if your child attends a college that is not a “Harvard?” • Are you OK if your child starts at a community college? • Are you OK if your child doesn’t go to college right away/takes a gap year? • How would your child answer these questions? • What is the worse thing that can happen if your child does not get into their Harvard?...Is it your child’s fear, or yours?

18. Is this your child’s anxiety…or yours? • “But I’m am not pressuring my child… he/she is putting it on themselves.” • Are you sure? • Parents are still in charge  • This didn’t build-up overnight • We aren’t going to resolve this in a 50-minute presentation

19. Is this reasonable?

20. Is this reasonable? We often consider these two factors when selecting courses: • What are my graduation requirements? • What do colleges want to see, or “What looks good?”

21. Is this reasonable? Let’s not forget the most important factors when selecting courses: • What are my graduation requirements? • What are the student’s interests and passions? What do they love? • What are the student’s current strengths, work-ethic, time, maturity? • What do colleges want to see, or “What looks good?”

22. Is this reasonable? • But I truly want to attend a “Harvard” • Take the most challenging classes you can handle • Take the most challenging classes you can reasonably handle • Take the most challenging classes you can reasonably handle… and…enjoy high school, have a social life, participate in meaningful activities you love, not be too overwhelmed, be happy, and be healthy!

23. Is this reasonable? For some kids, the prospect of going to Harvard is this: Take the most challenging classes you can reasonably handle… and…enjoy high school, have a social life, participate in meaningful activities you love, not be too overwhelmed, be happy, and be healthy! vs. Your Harvard

24. Is this reasonable? For other kids the prospect of going to Harvard may look like this: Reasonable Harvard --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Where a child falls on this continuum is very individual!

25. Paradigm shift

26. Paradigm shift • Back-to-school clothes shopping with my wife • Don’t look for a college that you are good enough to get into. • Look for a college that is good enough for you. • A college that will meet your needs.

27. Sleep/nutrition/hydration/unplugging… not just for grown-ups

28. Sleep/nutrition/hydration/unplugging… not just for grown-ups I have zero qualifications here, but… • Sleep • Nutrition • Exercise • Unplugging • A healthy person is a more resilient person • Model this for your kids! 

29. What if I told you?...

30. What if I told you?… • I know a way your child can almost certainly get into around 30 different VA colleges… and save you a tremendous amount of money at the same time? (oh, and no SAT and no essay!) • Consider the NVCC Guaranteed Admissions Program • If this does not interest you, or your child… why? • Is it because it doesn’t meet their long-term goal? Or is there some other reason?

31. Tactical advice

32. Tactical advice: Juniors • Your main goal this year should be to start your senior year with a list of colleges you will apply to • Use a monthly or quarterly checklist to stay on-track, and to remove any guesswork • Check-out the College Board’s BigFuture website for checklists, and to create a “roadmap” • Take a look at the BWHS junior parent PPT

33. Tactical advice: Seniors • Apply to one college at a time • Apply to one college at a time • Apply to one college at a time • Do not overcomplicate, but stay organized • Let your senior do the work… (btw, this is a great indicator if he/she is ready for college)

34. Tactical advice: Freshmen & Sophomores • Enjoy high school • Be the best student that you can be • If your family is inclined to do some college-research or visit a campus, make it a low-stress event. Have fun with it. • Think “family road trip” not “college visit”

35. Remember… • Do not be overwhelmed by a list of things to do to be less overwhelmed! • Consider sharing these ideas with your child and family. • My goal is for one thing to resonate with you.