Revision

1. Revision Revision means re-seeing. It asks us to look again.

2. Revisers see their writing from a broad perspective.

3. And in terms of detail.

4. Revisers see their work from a reader’s perspective. They convey the whole picture.

5. Inexperienced revisers see their meaning clearly. They feel the full pull and play of the action. They understanding the complexity of the argument. ...in their own minds

6. However, their audience may encounter the writing as unclear and unfocused, or as a set of minimal and disconnected ideas.

7. Without clarity of vision, some readers may simply reconstruct meaning for themselves. . Or they may not read at all.

8. Writer Based Prose Discovery Shaping Draft 2 Organizing Draft 4 Discovery Draft 1 Editing Draft 6 Gathering Draft 3 Limiting Draft 5 Product Draft 7 Reader Based Prose

9. More Experienced WritersRevise to Reach Readers

10. They Revise Globally

11. They Are Concerned With Unity of Purpose Check purpose statement. Phrase the most important point in a working thesis. Cut everything that doesn't clearly relate to the central purpose. Thesis

12. As a new draft emerges, revisers work on developing points that relate to the main idea. They may return to discovery strategies, explore journalist questions, and conduct further research.

13. Global Revision Check Focus and Authority Create Effective Lead Consider Chosen Genre or Rhetorical Mode Check Organization Consider Pace and Proportion Develop Key Ideas Check in with Reader Perspective Check Voice and Tone Check for Effective Conclusion

14. Check for Effective Lead Capture Reader Attention Focus Readers on the Subject Establish Expectations

15. My grandfather died when I was a small boy, and my grandmother started staying with us for about six months every year. She lived in a room that doubled as my father’s office, which we referred to as “the back room.” She carried with her a powerful aroma. I don’t know what kind of perfume she used, but it was the double-barrel, ninety-proof, knock-down, render-the-victim-unconscious, moose-killing variety. She kept it in a huge atomizer and applied it frequently and liberally. It was almost impossible to go into her room and remain breathing for any length of time. When she would leave the house to go spend six months with my Aunt Lillian, my mother and sisters would throw open all the windows, strip the bed, and take out the curtains and rugs. Then they would spend several days washing and airing things out, trying frantically to make the pungent odor go away. This, then, was my grandmother at the time of the infamous pea incident. FROM: A Plate of Peas A story from NPR’s National Story Project By Rick Beyer

16. Over the past three decades, organized sports for children have increased dramatically in the United States. And though many adults regard Little League Baseball and Peewee Football as a basic part of childhood, the games are not always joyous ones. When overzealous parents and coaches impose adult standards on children’s sports, the result can be activities that are neither satisfying nor beneficial to children. I am concerned about all organized sports activities for children between the ages of six and twelve. The damage I see results from non-contact as well as contact sports, from sports organized locally as well as those organized nationally. Highly organized competitive sports such as Peewee Football and Little league Baseball are too often played to adult standards, which are developmentally inappropriate for children and can be both physically and psychologically harmful. Furthermore, because they eliminate many children from organized sports before they are ready to compete, they are actually counterproductive for developing either future players or fans. Finally because they emphasize competition and winning, they unfortunately provide occasions for some parents and coaches to place their own fantasies and needs ahead of children’s welfare. Excerpted from: “Children Need to Play, Not Compete” By Jessica Statsky As published in The St. Martin’s Guide to Writing

17. Check Organization Create a Rough Outline of the Draft Consider Pace and Proportion Develop Key Ideas

18. Check for Effective Conclusion Some Concluding Strategies: ~Framing: mirrors the style and/or continues the story begun in the lead ~Looping Back: refers to story or character introduced in the lead ~Summarizing: uses a transitional phrase to summarize the main idea and purpose of the essay. Avoids worn phrases like “in conclusion,” “in summary,” “in closing” ~Emphasizing: employs a quotation or repeated element to bring home the main idea ~Issuing a call to action: asks readers to act ~Pointing to the future: prompts readers to think or study further

19. Experienced Writers Also Revise Locally

20. Revisers Make Every Word Count Some Syntax Revision Strategies: ~Tighten ~Avoid Redundancy Choose Repetition ~Design Effective Sentences

21. Tightening Tightening means: ~cutting unnecessary words ~making every word work ~keeping it clear and simple

22. along the lines of—likeas a matter of fact—in factat all times—alwaysat the present time—currentlyat this point in time—now because of the fact that—becauseby means of—byby virtue of the fact that—becausedue to the fact that—becausefor the purpose of—forin light of the fact that—becauseprior to, in anticipation of—beforeuntil such time as—untilwith regard to—about for the reason that—becausehave the ability to–-be able toinform us of the fact that—tellin the nature of—likein order to—toin spite of the fact that—although, thoughin the event that—ifin the final analysis—finallyin the neighborhood of—aboutin this world of today—todayit is important that, it is necessary that—muston the occasion of—when Tightening: Cutting Unnecessary Words Look for the following empty words and phrases when editing:

23. Strategies for Tightening One way to tighten is to combine several short sentences into one sentence. How might you combine the following sentences into one sentence? Last weekend I saw a science fiction film.  Three friends went with me.  The film focused on the experiments of a mad doctor.  He altered his patients' lives by manipulating their dreams.  (32 words)

24. Tightening: Combining Sentences Last weekend three friends and I saw a science fiction film in which a mad doctor altered his patients' lives by manipulating their dreams.(24 words)

25. Tightening:Make Words Work Look for words that do not pull their own weight. Where possible, use verbforms instead of noun forms.

26. Activity He is a man who is never on time. It is the breed of dog that is prone to hip problems. Defense counsel made an objection to the prosecution's question. The implementation of the plan was successful.

27. Activity He is a man who is never on time.He is never on time. It is the breed of dog that is prone to hip problems.That breed of dog is prone to hip problems.Hip problems plague that breed. Defense counsel made an objection to the prosecution's question. Defense counsel objected to the prosecution’s question. The implementation of the plan was successful.The plan was successfully implemented.The committee successfully implemented their plan.

28. Tightening: Eliminate Weak Verbs Reduce over-reliance on the ‘to be’ verb forms. Fix these sentences by replacing “to be” verbs with active verbs. There were several boys on the team who got caught drinking and were kicked off. It is this kind of sentence that drives grammarians crazy.

29. Tightening: Eliminate Weak Verbs There were several boys on the team who got caught drinking and were kicked off by the coach.The coach kicked several boys off the team for drinking. It is this kind of sentence that drives grammarians crazy. This kind of sentence drives grammarians crazy.

30. Tightening: Make the Agent the Subject of the Sentence Make these sentences active: The decision to fire him was handed down by the committee.He was rejected.

31. Good: The committee handed down the decision to fire him. Even better: The committee decided to fire him. Good: Simon rejected him, saying his music was lousy.

32. Tightening: Verbs, Nothing but the Verbs Always pick the most precise and accurate verb possible. Eliminate adverbs when possible. He ran down the street.He ran quickly/slowly down the street. He walked across the field.He walked quickly/slowly across the field. What verb might you use to replace “ran quickly/slowly” and “walked quickly/slowly”?

33. Tightening: Verbs, Nothing but the Verbs He ran quickly/slowly down the street. Fast: sprinted, dashed, zoomed, galloped, flew, sped, raced Medium: loped, cantered, skipped Slow: jogged, trotted He walked quickly/slowly down the street. Examples: trudged, strolled, promenaded., minced, slogged, paraded, marched, goose-stepped

34. Tightening: Present Participles Use present participles to modify a noun or pronoun: Ignoring his sister, and stepping on one of my feet, Charles repeated his questions. Sheleaned forward attentively, listening to Saul Bird, trying to understand what he was saying. Honoring “The Boss,” R.E.M.’sMichael Stipesang his favorite Springsteen song at the concert.

35. Activity Combine each of the following groups of short sentences into single sentences using present participles. He felt something in his blood. It warmed. It opened. It came to life in arrogant protestation. He turned up the driveway of his own house. He held on to the gate for support.

36. Combine each of the following groups of short sentences into single sentences using present participles. He felt something in his blood, warming, opening, coming to life in arrogant protestation. He turned up the driveway of his own house, holding onto the gate for support.

37. Activity Compose a sentence of your own using a present participle. Beware, however, the dangling participle (i.e. a participle with no noun to modify or one that modifies the wrong noun). Bad Example: Erasing the blackboards, the lights were turned off and the classroom locked.

38. Tightening: Past Participles A past participle is like the form of the verb that will fit in the slot, “Often I have ____.” Seated behind an elevated desk in the high-ceilinged courtroom,Judge Rothwaxdoes not look at all pleased. Her eyes, lost in the fatty ridges of her face, looked like two pieces of coal pressed into a lump of dough.

39. Activity Combine these sentences into one sentence using a past participle.It vanished. It was sucked into invisibility like a match flame. That highway over there is in good condition. It is over six hundred centuries old. Martians built it.

40. It vanished, sucked into invisibility like a match flame. That highway over there,builtby Martians over six hundred years ago, is in good condition.

41. Activity Create a sentence of your own using a past participle. Beware the dangling participle. Bad Example: Dazed by their own success, thegamewas splendid display of school spirit.

42. Tightening: Nominative Absolutes A nominative absolute is a free modifier consisting of a noun plus either an adjective, a participle, or another noun in apposition. They sat together in the classroom, when they came to class, theirarms folded,theireyes beady and undefeated. In the central parade ground sat General Pushkopf, hischest glittering.

43. Activity Combine each of the following groups of short sentences into single sentences using nominative absolutes. It was old Ginny. Her hair was bound up in big purple rollers. Her nylons were rolled tightly around her knees. Mary Birke sat next to the pool. Her eyes were bloodshot. Her feet were dangling in the water.

44. It was old Ginny, hair bound up in big purple rollers, nylons rolled tightly around her knees. Eyes bloodshot, feet dangling in the water, Mary Birke sat next to the pool. Now, create your own sentence using nominative absolutes.

45. Tightening: Appositives An appositive is a noun or noun phrase that parenthetically re-names another noun (or pronoun) in a sentence. Theretheywere in the flesh, the Rolling Stones, ultimate personification of all our notions and fantasies and hopes for rock and roll. Themanager, a thin laconic Frenchman, came to meet her.

46. Activity Combine each of the following groups of short sentences into single sentences using appositives. The busboy cleared the table. He was a clumsy, unkempt freshman. This was none other than Alunia Alunosna. This was the shopkeeper’s daughter. This was a prostitute with a look of exultation on her timid face.

47. The busboy, a clumsy, unkempt freshman, cleared the table. This was none other than Alunia Alunosna, the shopkeeper’s daughter, a prostitute with a look of exultation on her timid face. Compose a sentence of your own using an appositive.

48. Tightening: Eliminate Redundancy Check for repeated words, phrases, or ideas. Redundancy is bad. Repetition is good.

49. Repetition is Often the Product of Generalization I had to get to my tournament. I went to my tournament and ended up qualifying first. That just made the day so much better than what it already was. I was the top qualifier. Anon.

50. Finishing as the tournament’s top qualifier ended my day on a high note. (13 words)