Child Training: Biblical Control

1. Child Training: Biblical Control

2. Child Training: Biblical Control • God’s Goal: independentgodliness Hb 12:9-11 • Objectives: wisdom, responsibility, self-control • Method: train the will of the child • Need the heart of a child to listen (God’s design) • Instructing, giving chances to apply, confirming good behavior, responsibility • Parental discipline needed until godly self-discipline rules the child • Not “because I said so” but “God says so”

3. The Need for Biblical Control • Control implies authority to a standard Ef. 6:1 • Child’s obedience implies authority of parents • Can’t respect, love, honor while disobeying • We think: fix internal problem, then the actions will follow • However, we should do right even if the heart is right. Then we will feel better after we do it. • Hard part is willingness to do what is right when difficult

4. The Need for Biblical Control • Training is external till it becomes internal • Unnatural becomes natural Eph. 2:1-3; 4:17-31 • Not enough to remove negative things • Satan will fill the vacuum Mt 12:43-45 • Hard work is replacing them with good things • Need for external control to develop the pattern • 1 Sam. 2:12-17,22-25,29-30; 3:13-14 • What about training without authority? • Suggestions instead of commands • Commands ending in, “okay?”

5. The Need for Biblical Control • Convinced only after debate & negotiation • It is not obedience • Submission is to logic and not to authority • Testing without control reinforces self-will & self-indulgence • Remember that training involves the child’s heart • If we betray that by dictatorial or manipulated parental control, it won’t work Ef. 6:4; Col 3:21 • Negligence, no boundaries has same effect!

6. Symptoms of a Child-Controlled Home • “My kids just won’t eat that” • “We can’t go there, the kids will be bored” • “We can’t stay long, the kids can’t sit still that long” • “The kids refuse to sit in their car seats” • “The kids won’t put up with…” • “We can’t get the kids to…” • Everything revolves around the child, how the child feels, what the child wants or doesn’t want

7. Why Parents Abdicate Their Authority • Worldly philosophy Col. 2:8; 1 Pt. 5:5 • Democratic parenting (better have only 1 child) • Falsely assumes child is equally wise as parents • Or they’re just as clueless about as he is • Misguided goals • To be happy (short-term) vs.respectful Ef. 6:1 • No discipline or guidance results in unhappiness • Indulged child is ungrateful, impatient, unhappy • Happiness is result of doing rightJohn 13:17

8. Why Parents Abdicate Their Authority • Lack of Confidence • Unsure of what to do • Usually reactive only when child affects parent • Afraid of looking like a bad parent, or disturbed • All negative attention better than no attention • Most training should be positive • How to teach behavior in public, or church? • Positive or negative? • Never a convenient season to train children

9. Why Parents Abdicate Their Authority • Emotional Insecurity • Parent craves the child’s affection, approval • Results are the opposite effect—no respect, despised • Signs of intimated parents • “Please don’t hate me” • Asks for child’s agreement on instructions “…okay?” • Uses logical arguments over parental authority • Fears rejection of child after discipline • Allows child to express criticism • Bribes child

10. What God Expects of Parents & Children • The child must obey. Period. • Authority must be taken back – not back and forth – make it permanently • Do not allow the child to argue • Do not misuse authority (i.e. bully them) • Do not try to be a “friend” in a way that lacks authority • Aim for child’s respect, not affection • The child performs instruction the first time • The child responds to calm instruction, not only when screaming • The child acts immediately upon instruction