Shared Counselling: ‘a safe place to new growth so we can soar and fly’

1. Shared Counselling:‘a safe place to new growth so we can soar and fly’ Heather Clarke (NCASA) and Pauline Gilbert (CASA House)

2. Shared Counselling… • 3-4 clients : 1 counsellor • Developed at Dympna House, 1993 • Narrative therapy principles • 2 groups at NCASA – 2007/2012 • 2 group at CASA House – 2005/2006 • 15 x 2hr sessions

3. Format for sessions… Outsider Witness or Listening Team model • Check-In • Initial sharing by one participant • Listeners respond to the sharer • Sharer responds to listeners’ responses • General Discussion • Checkout using symbols • Facilitator notes

4. Women’s feedback… What happens to us is usually not important…we push it aside to focus on others…but here in this group…we have a Voice and an Ear… I feel honoured that my ‘useless unimportant story has impacted on you…I could see the impact and that it’s not a useless unimportant story’

5. Challenging the impact of SA on relationship with Self… • Something is wrong with me • Naming Shame / Self Blame / Self Loathing / Self Doubt • Sharing SA experience →Shedding Shame • Reducing Self Loathing through connecting with Self • Challenging Self Blame

6. Women’s feedback… That first session when I felt that this is a reality for others and we are sharing… that was a pivotal point in the beginning of shedding of shame - my sense of shame has dissipated to a large degree…that changes the way I view myself and relate to myself.

7. Challenging impact of SA on relationships with others… • Feeling there’s something wrong with us • Feeling we’re too much for people • This makes us unlovable / unworthy • Feeling accepted and seeing beyond the sexual assault • The possibility of being worthy • Connecting with other parts of ourselves

8. Strengthening connection to other parts of Self… • The Real Me…I have times when I feel her….I know they’re not going to last so I hold on tight • I’ve named this part of me – my Introverted Self…It’s scary for me to accept my Introverted Self because I’ve invested so much in being a different me • This other part is my Essential Self, the God Self that can’t ever be damaged…she brings me moments of freedom

9. Women’s Voices… Part of why the group is successful is because it’s small…trust is developing because we’re expressing ourselves… figuring out who we are…the group provides an opportunity to practice having contact with others based on trust and respect

10. Conversations about Intimacy • SA secret → fear of being unloveable • The unsafe triangle after sexual assault • Not giving relationships a chance → the Prison of Safety • Not trusting self vs knowing we are worthy and trusting ourselves to manage risk

11. Women’s experience of SCG • Less isolated / Supported • Safe to share • Feeling heard / understood / not judged • Hope • Not defined by SA → different self view • Different relationship with sexual assault • +ve feedback re narrative model of SCG

12. Changes associated with Self… • ↓ Self Blame / Self Judgment • ↑ Self Acceptance / Self Respect / Peace • Stronger sense of self • More confidence to trust in our feelings • More confident in relationships • ↑ Self Esteem

13. Women’s feedback… The group was like a tapestry…the process was like teasing out knots… unpicking the strands of the different aspects of the experience. I’ve had a strong experience of healing, of shedding and getting rid of stuff and of a new person emerging

14. Women’s feedback… Within this group I’ve been aware of the transformation of women… I’ve felt that we all have broken damaged wings but that we’ve been able to come into this safe space and share deep dark experiences… Through this experience, particularly the safety and lack of judgment, we’ve all been transformed

15. Women’s feedback… I believe the key is the sharing with others…both in believing the other members care about how I am, and in hearing and sharing in their difficulties. I feel free and I never thought I would.

16. CASA House 2005 AIM: • To offer alternative counselling services that reach more women, reduce waiting periods • Offer flexibility within service delivery • Trial new ways of working in counselling that complement a feminist narrative approach

17. Why narrative ideas and practices • From a feminist perspective, shared counselling is a political decision about further decentring the counsellor • What we know from our group work is that women gain strength through sharing stories, “identities are constructed through stories” (Michael White, 1995) • Feminist practice is about a commitment to “validate women’s voices and their stories in the face of inequality”

18. Pre-counselling interview/sell • Shared counselling is an alternative to individual counselling and is seen to challenge the secrecy/closed door nature of traditional sexual assault counselling. • It will allow you the time to work on your own issues and gain strength through sharing stories. • It will validate your experience through linking you in with the stories of others, building upon individual contributions, gaining insight and support from others.

19. Pre-counselling – Evaluation 1 When asked about the perceived advantages • Shared experiences/ coping mechanisms • Empathy • Friendships • Giving perspective • Identifying similar feelings which may help the healing

20. Pre-counselling – Evaluation 1 Perceived disadvantages/fears • Feeling vulnerable and exposed to strangers • Fearful may not relate to each other • Not feeling as open as others • Time constraints

21. 6 Week evaluation Useful aspects so far • Being exposed to and learning from other’s views, ideas and coping strategies • Having space and freedom to express their own feelings • The positive support from others which led to empowerment and not feeling alone • The “me too” factor • The experience of not feeling alone and not crazy and learning about survival from each other

22. 6 Week evaluation- cont. • The impact of the group was immeasurable – describing just how beneficial the group sessions were one woman commented “Rather than feeling like I was just being fed lines to get me through to the next session, the shared counselling provided me with living real examples of different ways to move forward … while this was more challenging it’s benefit was a million times more helpful”

23. Final evaluation Benefits identified by the women • Not feeling alone • Understanding that many fears were the result of the abuse experienced • Knowing they could and would survive • Sleeping better • Not as angry • Feeling that emotions were normal

24. Final evaluation – cont. One felt that by “listening to others explore issues and by learning from their experiences I have become a better mother, partner, sibling and woman in the world, I am less negative and destructive and as a result there is a place in the world for me”

25. Counsellor’s perspective At times I felt outside a ring of women dancing together! The overall experience was one of great satisfaction, sitting outside and alongside women supporting, educating and caring for each other, linked by a common experience of violence; women learning to know that they do not need to be defined by their experience, that they are not less or mad but feeling, alive and healthy individuals

26. A cardboard cut-out takes shape I was a two-dimensional vacant human A cardboard cut-out I had no voice, no heart, no pleasure Today, I have a voice, I feel emotions, I have some pleasure I have moments of intense clarity Direction Positive thoughts I am halfway there To sexual assault, to incest, to violence of any kind from one human to another I say NO My children say NO Their children say NO It stops here with me (Written by one of the participants and presented to the group at their last meeting)