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The Four Most Important Words in Your Marriage Session #4. Practicing biblical confession and forgiveness in your marriage. Element #1 – Rebuke (Luke 17:3a). Definition - “a gentle and gracious confrontation of sin which is motivated by love and has reconciliation as its goal”
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The Four Most Important Words in Your MarriageSession #4 Practicing biblical confession and forgiveness in your marriage
Element #1 – Rebuke (Luke 17:3a) • Definition - “a gentle and gracious confrontation of sin which is motivated by love and has reconciliation as its goal” • Confrontation of sin through a rebuke is necessary because believers don’t always recognize when they have sinned • Confrontation is commanded
Element #1 – Rebuke (Luke 17:3a) • Won’t we be confronting all the time if we do what Jesus is saying? • How and how not to confront: Confront… • As a fellow brother • Out of love for God and the person • With the glory of God in view • Not in anger • Not with a prideful heart • Not rude, but gentle and gracious • Not over preference issues or issues that aren’t sin • With the goal of restoration, not punishment
Element #1 – Rebuke (Luke 17:3a) • Questions to ask yourself before you confront: • Is the issue clearly sin? • Is my own heart right? • Have I asked God for wisdom & help? • Have I thought through the right words and the right timing?
Element #2 – Repentance (Luke 17:3-4) • Definition - “a change of mind leading to a change in the direction of life” • Elements of repentance: • Comprehension • Confession • Address all involved • Avoid “if,” “but,” and “maybe” • Admit specifically the sin • Acknowledge the hurt • Accept the consequences • Ask for forgiveness • Alter your behavior Ken Sande, Biblical Peacemaking, 13
Element #2 – Repentance (Luke 17:3-4) • Remorse – A person is sorrowful over his sin and regrets what he has done (2 Cor. 7:10, Ps. 51) • Forgiveness – A person asks for forgiveness from God and those whom he sinned against (1 John 1:9, Luke 17:3-4) • Commitment – A person resolves, by God’s grace, to change and to not commit the offense again (Is. 1:16-17, Eph. 4:22-24, Matt. 3:8)
Element #3 – Forgiveness (Luke 17:3-4) • Question: Is forgiveness conditional or unconditional? • Some verses (Luke 17:3-4, Matt. 18:15-17) are clear that forgiveness is conditional upon repentance. • Other verses (Mark 11:25, Matt. 6:14) teach that forgiveness should be unconditional. • Which one is right?
Element #3 – Forgiveness (Luke 17:3-4) • Luke 17:3-4 deals with the transaction of forgiveness • Definition – “a pardon and a promise regarding sin committed” • Forgiveness is a four-fold promise: • I will not dwell on this incident • I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you • I will not speak with others about this incident • I will not all this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship Ken Sande, Biblical Peacemaking, 13
Put it all together GOD SINS AGAINST SINS AGAINST • Needs to make sure she didn’t sin in response to husband’s sin • Needs to confront husband if he doesn’t realize that he has sinned • Needs to grant forgiveness when husband confesses and repents • Needs to repent & confess sin to God & wife • Needs to ask God for forgiveness • Needs to ask wife for forgiveness
GOD SINS AGAINST SINS AGAINST SINS AGAINST SINS AGAINST • Needs to repent & confess sin to God & husband • Needs to ask God for forgiveness • Needs to ask husband for forgiveness • Needs to grant forgiveness to husband when he confesses & repents • Needs to repent & confess sin to God & wife • Needs to ask God for forgiveness • Needs to ask wife for forgiveness • Needs to grant forgiveness to wife when she confesses & repents