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合 奏 「管」然「樂」

合 奏 「管」然「樂」. Your Questions. How to communicate with my child? How to raise a responsible child? How to teach my child patiently? How to effectively communicate with spouse when parents have different ways of discipline a kid(s)?

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合 奏 「管」然「樂」

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  1. 合 奏 「管」然「樂」

  2. Your Questions • How to communicate with my child? • How to raise a responsible child? • How to teach my child patiently? • How to effectively communicate with spouse when parents have different ways of discipline a kid(s)? • Disciplinary actions appropriate for kids at different ages (what's appropriate for what age). • Develop spiritual characters within the family and how to bring them up in a godly way. • Discipline/building positive relationships. • How to teach kids in a way they understand?

  3. Your Questions • How to communicate with my child? • How to raise a responsible child? • How to teach my child patiently? • How to effectively communicate with spouse when parents have different ways of discipline a kid(s)? • Disciplinary actions appropriate for kids at different ages (what's appropriate for what age). • Develop spiritual characters within the family and how to bring them up in a godly way. • Discipline/building positive relationships. • How to teach kids in a way they understand?

  4. 管 與 教

  5. 合 奏「管」然「樂」 • How did your parents discipline you? • What do you remember most about your parents’ discipline? • What do you agree/disagree about your parents’ style of discipline? • What similarities/differences do you see in the way you/your spouse discipline and how you were disciplined as a child? 討 論

  6. The Difference Styles of Discipline Support & Love (Affirmation) Control (Punishment)

  7. The Difference Styles of Discipline Low in Control High in Control Control (Punishment)

  8. The Difference Styles of Discipline High Support & Love Support & Love (Affirmation) Low Support & Love

  9. The Difference Styles of Discipline High Support & Love Low in Control Low in Control Low in Control 討 論 High in Control High in Control The Balanced Child The Uncontrolled Child Authoritative Permissive Where Are You? The Crushed Child The Neglected Child Authoritarian Neglectful Low Support & Love

  10. 有乜問題?

  11. Today’s Menu • What is Discipline? • The Wrong Assumptions in Discipline • Different Ways to Discipline and Their Pros and Cons • Prevention Over Intervention • Basic Principles of Discipline • Steps to Positive Behaviors • Q & A • Bonus (Leading by Example, How to Communicate with kids)

  12. 聖 經 的 原 則The Biblical Principles 「教養孩童，使他走當行的道，就是到老，他也不偏離 。 」“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” 箴 Prov. 22:6

  13. Definition of Discipline • External Discipline • Internal Discipline • The goal is to apply external discipline to enable a child to develop new skills and proper conduct in order to acquire internal discipline.

  14. Definition of Discipline Discipline is “the training in conduct that uses a neutral blend of rewards and punishment to shape moral character.” ~ Effective Discipline by Donnie Johnson Fite

  15. To inflict penalty for an offense To train for correction and maturity Past misdeeds Future correct deeds Hostility and frustration Love and concern Fear and Guilt Security

  16. Definition of Discipline Discipline is “the training in conduct that uses a neutral blend of rewards and punishment to shape moral character.” ~ Effective Discipline by Donnie Johnson Fite

  17. Definition of Discipline Discipline is “the training in conduct that uses Positive and Negative Consequences to shape moral character.” ~ Effective Discipline by Donnie Johnson Fite

  18. The Little Adult Assumption The belief that kids are basically reasonable and unselfish…just smaller versions of grownups. They misbehave because they don’t have enough information. So... False Assumption: Give them calm, rational explanations of why they should change a behavior and they will shape up immediately.

  19. Two Biggest Discipline Mistakes • Too Much Talking – Too Much Talking is a mistake because it either does not work or takes you through the Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-HitSyndrome. • Too Much Emotion – Too Much Emotion is a mistake because the child picks up on negative emotions which may prolong or increase their negative behaviors

  20. Parents as Animal Trainers

  21. Parents as Animal Trainers • Choose a training method • Repeat it until it works • If done correctly, you’ll get result

  22. Forms of Discipline  • Yelling • Put-Down • Forcing an Apology • Time-Out   

  23. How to Execute Time-Out(or the naughty step) • Warning (either 1 warning or 1-2-3) • If ignores  Time-Out • Explanation and walk away • Set a timer (1 minute per age) • If get up  put back & reset timer • Time’s up  Explain why again (?) • Ask for apology • Resolution  Hugs and Kisses

  24. 有乜問題?

  25. Forms of Discipline  • Yelling • Put-Down • Forcing an Apology • Time-Out • Loss of Privilege • Grounding • Spanking • Is it okay to spank? If so, how?     

  26. Forms of Discipline • Spanking • Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them. 不忍用杖打兒子的，是恨惡他；疼愛兒子的，隨時管教。~ Prov. 13:24 ~ • Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away. 愚蒙迷住孩童的心，用管教的杖可以遠遠趕除 。~ Prov. 22:15 ~

  27. Forms of Discipline • Spanking • Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death. 不可不管教孩童； 你用杖打他， 他必不至於死。 你要用杖打他， 就可以救他的靈魂免下陰間。~ Prov. 23:13-14 ~ • A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother. 杖打和責備能加增智慧；放縱的兒子使母 親羞愧。~ Prov. 29:15 ~

  28. Forms of Discipline • Spanking • Do not spank in anger • Age appropriate (roughly between 18 months to 10 years old) • Only used for active defiance • Spanking is a procedure...a means and not an end...administer with love, explanation, and resolution • Spanking is only one of the methods of correction, choose wisely

  29. Forms of Discipline  • Yelling • Put-Down • Forcing an Apology • Time-Out • Loss of Privilege • Grounding • Spanking • Bear Hug / Hold Down       

  30. 有乜問題?

  31. 到你試啦!

  32. Prevention Over Intervention Top Ten Tantrum Triggers: • Tiredness • Hunger • Over or under stimulation • Too many demands...like sharing • Want to do it by themselves but not being able to • Disputes over food • Emotions like fear and anxiety • Perfectionist temperament • Not getting their own ways • New environments

  33. Prevention Over Intervention • Establish Clear Boundaries and Consequences • Safety • Courtesy and Sharing • Bedtime • Mealtime • Noise Level • Getting Dressed • Tantrums

  34. Prevention Over Intervention • Establish Clear Boundaries and Consequences • Stop Potential Bad Habits • Praise Good Behavior • Avoid Idleness And Boredom • Is it okay to use an iPad or iPhone to occupy the kid(s)? Discuss

  35. Travel Tote Bag for Toddlers • Finger puppets • Etch-a-sketch / Doodle pad • Crayons and coloring book • Sticker books / Activity books • Pipe cleaners • Books to read • Music and storybooks on an iPod, iPad, MP3 player, or CD player, and over-the ear headphones • Favorite blankie or stuffed animal • Healthy snacks • Change of clothes in case of accidents

  36. Prevention Over Intervention • Establish Clear Boundaries and Consequences • Stop Potential Bad Habits • Praise Good Behavior • Avoid Idleness And Boredom • Establish A Schedule • Express Excitement

  37. 有乜問題?

  38. Two Major Areas of Discipline • Controlling Inappropriate Behavior • Encouraging Good Behavior

  39. Basic Principles of Discipline • Maximize the Trainable Years

  40. 「這是耶和華─你們　神所吩咐教訓你們的誡命、律例、典章，使你們在所要過去得為業的地上遵行，好叫你和你子子孫孫一生敬畏耶和華─你的　神，謹守他的一切律例誡命…我今日所吩咐你的話都要記在心上，也要殷勤教訓你的兒女。無論你坐在家裏，行在路上，躺下，起來，都要談論。也要繫在手上為記號，戴在額上為經文；又要寫在你房屋的門框上，並你的城門上。」申Deut. 6:1-9

  41. With Responsibility Comes Privilege With great power comes great responsibility

  42. Basic Principles of Discipline • Maximize the Trainable Years • With Responsibility Comes Privilege

  43. Basic Principles of Discipline • Maximize the Trainable Years • With Responsibility Comes Privilege • Consequence Should Match the Offense • Consistency and Immediate Follow-Through

  44. Common Discipline Mistakes • Warn but don’t follow through • Impossible to follow through • Lack of consistency • Impatience with the technique

  45. Steps to Positive Behavior • Decide what matters to you • Set boundaries • Communicate boundaries and expectations • Be a good role model • Praise and reward • Comment when others do it • Do it everyday

  46. 有乜問題?

  47. Q & A

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