Preparation for Islamic Marriage: Essential advice, Session 2

1. Preparation for Islamic Marriage: Essential advice, Session 2 Academy for Learning Islam May 17 & 24, 2009

2. Qur’anic passage 16:90 -91 • إِنَّ اللّهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ وَالإِحْسَانِ وَإِيتَاء ذِي الْقُرْبَى وَيَنْهَى عَنِ الْفَحْشَاء وَالْمُنكَرِ وَالْبَغْيِ يَعِظُكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ *وَأَوْفُواْ بِعَهْدِ اللّهِ إِذَا عَاهَدتُّمْ وَلاَ تَنقُضُواْ الأَيْمَانَ بَعْدَ تَوْكِيدِهَا وَقَدْ جَعَلْتُمُ اللّهَ عَلَيْكُمْ كَفِيلاً إِنَّ اللّهَ يَعْلَمُ مَا تَفْعَلُونَ • 16:90 Indeed God enjoins justice and kindness and generosity towards relatives, and He forbids indecency, wrong, and aggression. He advises you, so that you may take admonition. • 16:91 Fulfill God’s covenant when you pledge, and do not break [your] oaths after pledging them solemnly and having made God a witness over yourselves. Indeed God knows what you do.

3. Today’s Agenda • Aims of an Islamic Marriage • Rights of parents after marriage • Relation with other family members • Rights of your spouse • Do and don’ts of a healthy married life

4. Aim 1 of Marriage: Source of love and companionship All human need to feel loved, connected: • Living alone is miserable prospect. • Someone to share joy, sorrows, etc • Spouse is the best person to share • And from among His signs is that He created mates for you from among yourselves, that you may find rest in them, and He placed between you mawaddah and rahmah. Most surely there are signs in this for those who reflect. (30:21)

5. Aim 2: Fulfilling desires legally • Instinct of physical desire in the human being placed by Allah • If not fulfilled -> great corruption • Help preserve religion & morals • HP (s): Whoever wishes to meet Allah pure and purified, must marry. • HP (s): O Young people! Whoever is able from among you should marry, as it prevents the sins of the eyes and the chest, and whoever cannot marry should fast, for the fast decreases desire.

6. Aim 3: Best support in obeying Allah • May Allah have mercy on the man who wakes up for Salatul Layl and wakes up his wife for it, and if she refuses [to wake up], splashes water on her face. And may Allah have mercy on the woman who wakes up for Salatul Layl and recites it, and wakes up her husband, and if he refuses, splashes water on his face.

7. Aim 4: Establishing a family • Children greatest fruit of marriage • Procreation of servants of Allah • Great success: virtuous children • 1. Marry, and increase (your numbers), for surely I will take pride in you over the other nations on the Day of Judgment, even over a child who was miscarried. • 2. What prevents a man from marrying? Perhaps Allah will grant him a child who will fill the earth with the words of La ilaha illallah.

8. Aim 5: Maturing of personality • Ayatullah Mutahhari: After marriage, the personality of a man changes into a social personality and he considers himself absolutely responsible for the security of his wife and children's future. On this account he uses the sum total of his senses, initiatives, and abilities. . . Marriage is the first and preliminary phase of exit from the (shell) of personal self, and the expansion of the human personality . . . there is a maturity, a maturity which does not take shape except in the shade of marriage and raising of family. It does not get shape in school; neither does it get formed in the crusade against the ego

9. Rights of parents after marriage • Parents can never disown children, and the vice versa is also true • Take their advices in good spirit • Do ihsaan to your parents always • Their pleasure is God’s pleasure • Avoid hurting their feelings • Imam Ali’s advice to al-Hasan

10. Relations with other family members • Never severe relations w/relatives • Those who join what Allah has commanded to be joined, and who fear their Lord, and fear the evil punishment.. . (13:21) • Keeping good relations with one's relatives and doing good eases the Hisāb and protects against sins (6th Imam) • Do good to your brothers, even if only though Salaam and its answer (6th Imam)

11. What if they annoy you? • A man came to the Holy Prophet (s) and complained, “O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I kept good relations but they continuously annoy me, and I have decided to reject them”. The Holy Prophet said to him, Then Allah will reject all of you". "What should I do then?" asked the man. The Prophet explained to him, "Give to him who denies you, join [your relations] with him who cuts you off, and forgive him who oppresses you. Then if you do that, Allah, the Mighty and Exalted, will be your supporter against them.

12. Rights of your spouse • Reciprocal rights a salient feature • Treat him/her as human, Muslim, Mu’min, partner & parent of yr child • Wife: protection, reasonable & respectable maintenance & good treatment • Husband: obedience, protection, & congenial right

13. Do and don’ts of a healthy married life • Good communication skill • Be eager to serve each other • Physical relation should not suffer • Practice taqwaa in all situations • Mutual respect, esp in front of others • Anger management: must in marital relation • Mutual pardoning & forgiveness

14. Spice your marriage thru Akhlaq • 1. Cheerfulness is a cause of love. • 2. Humans are the slaves of those who do good to them. • 3. By doing good to others, a human being becomes the master of their hearts. • 4. A cheerful face is a gift without any expense. • 5. I am surprised at one who buys slaves with his wealth and frees them. Why does he not purchase free men with goodness and make them his slaves? • 6. That tree which is soft and tender, its branches are many. • 7. Gentleness brings affection and closeness.