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Focus on The Family Q2 Theme: LOVE & RESPECT. April: Understanding your husband’s need for respect May: Workshop - 5 Love Languages June: Q1/Q2 Family Life Teachings Key Points Review + Q&A. April 27 th. Topic: Understanding Your Husband’s Need for Respect. Text: Proverbs 24:3-4.
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Focus on The Family Q2 Theme: LOVE & RESPECT • April: Understanding your husband’s need for respect • May: Workshop - 5 Love Languages • June: Q1/Q2 Family Life Teachings Key Points Review + Q&A
April 27th Topic: Understanding Your Husband’s Need for Respect
Text: Proverbs 24:3-4 • Through wisdom is a house built; by understanding it is established; and by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches • God’s wisdom for family government is the raw material for building an enviable home!
Marital Conflict • Marital conflict stems out of unmet needs, wants, and desires. • She wants one thing; He wants another • One activity is important to him; She detests it • e.g. He wants to save; she wants to spend/buy • She wants to keep; he wants to give
Marital Conflict • When one person needs or wants something badly enough, and the other person is unwilling or unable to meet that need, resentment grows…the seed of conflict is sown!
Marital Conflict • One selfishly wants what he/she wants without consideration for the capabilities, plans, goals, needs, desires of his/her spouse • Then, add the power of an unruly tongue, the situation becomes ripe for open conflict. • i.e. one or both parties are self- centered
Your Husband’s #1 Need • All wives need to know this - The number-one need of a man is RESPECT! • Ephesians 5:22-24 • Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head the wife even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything
Your Husband’s #1 Need • All wives need to know this - The number-one need of a man is RESPECT! • For your home to be filled with pleasure & life, you need to employ this wisdom of God (Proverbs 24:3-4) • A great marriage is not the product of luck, it’s the product of walking in the light of the scriptures
The World’s Standard • The culture around us is rude & disrespectful • It's all over television, news, the media, etc. • The worst thing a wife can do is treat her husband like she sees husbands being treated on TV
The Marriage Equilibrium • Ephesians 5:23 • Let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband • LOVE & REVERENCE (RESPECT) is the fundamental Equilibrium of Marriage • This is God’s Design / Wisdom!
The Marriage Equilibrium • LOVE & REVERENCE (RESPECT) is the fundamental Equilibrium of Marriage • This is God’s Design / Wisdom! • If love does not match reverence/respect in the home and vice versa the foundation of the marriage is shaky, thus the building is likely to collapse
It’s a Cycle • The cycle starts with the husband… Ephesians 5:23 - Let every one of you in particular so love his wife… and the wife see that she reverence her husband • we focused on wives’ need for love and security in last teaching on gender differences • However, equally important is the need for the other end of the equation (respect) to keep the balance/equilibrium in the relationship
It’s a Cycle • It is a 2-way responsibility which solves majority of marital conflicts • When either party exempts himself/herself of the demands of the scripture on LOVE & RESPECT you sell short the quality of your family life! • Many problems in the home can be traced to wives that fail to respect this divine order of family government by disrespecting their husbands
The Key to His Heart! • The key to men’s heart is respect/esteem • This is not to put women down in any way; it is to provide you with the key to your husband’s heart • Its a God given key to access the love in his heart! • Men are as tender (sensitive) in their ego as women are physically
The Key to His Heart! • They are very aware of whether or not they are being respected or made to feel insignificant • Respect is like oxygen in a man's world… • He will gravitate to the place where he receives the most respect • In the same way, he will move away from the place where he does not receive honor, because it's painful for him.
Right or Happy? • We all want to be right, which means we don’t want an instance of wrongness to pass by without correcting it • Every husband is going to make some mistakes. But if you're in the habit of pointing out every single mistake your husband makes, that is severely lacking in honor/respect
Right or Happy? • Let a few of his failures escape without a comment • What's more important: being right or being happy? • Men gravitate to the place where they receive the most honor/respect
The Key to His Heart! • e.g. allowing him to fail (make mistakes) without shaming/nagging him is better than trying to enforce your opinion • Give your opinion but respect his actions/decisions
Expectation Reality • When you elevate your husband to where you want him to be, he will rise to that level and act like that • Focus on his strengths not his faults and you’ll be surprised what he begins to do • Don’t beat-up on him or try to control the situation with silent/passive aggression
How would you treat Jesus? • The question wives need to ask themselves is "How would I treat Jesus?" • If you were married to Jesus, how would you treat Him? • Another way to show respect to your husband is to confront him (in love) when necessary, but when you do, let God be the enforcer
How would you treat Jesus? • Wives have the right to tell him anything you want to tell him. But it's not your job to brow-beat him and constantly make his life miserable until you get your way • Say what you need to say, then let the Holy Spirit take over from there • Pray for him. Ask God to change his heart. But don't take it upon yourself…
Note - Prayers Could be Hindered • Tensions within the family system could lead to a closed heaven & disqualifies it for divine blessings! • 1 Peter 3:7 – likewise ye husbands dwell with them according to knowledge… that your prayers are not hindered
