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Managing Strong-Willed, Destructive Kids

Verne Teyler, a qualified presenter and founder/executive director of Hosanna Pathways, provides practical strategies for parents and teachers to manage strong-willed and destructive children. Learn how to build relationships, set rules with motivation, and address problematic behavior. Join the Parent Project training program and start making a positive change in your family.

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Managing Strong-Willed, Destructive Kids

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  1. Managing Strong-Willed, Destructive Kids

  2. Presenter: Verne TeylerFounder/Executive DirectorHosanna PathwaysCastro Valley, CA Qualifications: • Celebrating 50 years of marriage in May 2011 • Biological father to three children who are serving in ministry • Personal foster father to over eight hundred children • Foster care agency founder/director since 1987 serving ten Bay Area Counties • Parent Project facilitator, teaching parenting/management skills • Member of the American Association of Christian Counselors

  3. KIDS DON’TREMEMBER WHATPARENTS / TEACHERS SAY…KIDS DO REMEMBERHOW PARENTS / TEACHERS MAKE THEM FEEL!

  4. Strong-willed Emotional Will not seek counsel/input Will not learn from others mistakes Curious Experience oriented Argumentative Oppositional Defiant Destructive Compliant Seek advice Obey with little discussion Try to avoid confrontation or conflict Calm Easygoing Grateful Susceptible to peer pressure Strong-willed vs. Compliant Children LEADERS FOLLOWERS

  5. PARENTS/TEACHERSCONTROL THINGS,NOT THEIR CHILDREN! Proverbs 22:6 Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it. (New Living Translation) African proverb: “It takes a village to raise a child.” Christian proverb: “It takes a (church) community to raise a child.”

  6. Child’s Circles of Influence Based Upon Contact Time: Ideal Actual

  7. James Q. Wilson Research: • Lack of Discipline • Lack of Supervision • Negative Peer Influence • Lack of Demonstrated Love and Affection Love and Affection Our most effective parenting/relational tool Must be expressed daily/weekly Are the keys to: Communication Discipline Self-esteem Changing destructive child behavior

  8. Practical Considerations for Parents/Teachers: • Relationships: • Rules without relationships = Rebellion (Josh McDowell) • Rules + Motivation = Obedience/Change • Respect begets Respect • Meet Parents • Engage: • Sincere interest – i.e. interest, hobbies • Assign responsibility • Class monitor – i.e. attendance, Sargent-at-arms • Student teach • Teacher assistant • Special assignment

  9. Practical Considerations for Parents/Teachers: 2. Engage: (cont’d) • Attend student activities • Participate in special spiritual activities • Summer camps • Mission trips • Special outreaches • Sensitivity: • Positive strokes • Positive consequences • Negative consequences • Connect lesson to life experience

  10. Parent Project eight-week training for parents and ministry personnel • Need for parenting foundation before problem behaviors appear • Start a support group in your church • Contacts: www.HosannaParentProject.org www.ParentProject.com

  11. Parent Project Training Content: • Parent model for strong-willed children. • Understand our children. • Influencing and motivating children. • Learn how to never argue with your children again. • Learn a process for addressing problematic behavior. • Active supervision, structure, and improving school performance.

  12. Parent Project Training Content: (cont’d) • Adolescent drug use. Identification, Prevention and Intervention Strategies. • Negative Peer Associations & the Out-of-Control Child • Our Children’s Choice of Friends • Dating Relationships • Gangs • Occult

  13. Parent Project Training Content: (cont’d) • Most Destructive of Adolescent Behaviors • Developing personal action plans for behavior change. • Changing Behavior and Improving the Parent/Child Relationship • The Dynamics of Change • Managing Conflict in the Home

  14. Parent Project Training Content: (cont’d) • Active Listening • Communicating Parental Views/Feelings • Building Positive Self Concepts • Consistency • Expectations, Standards and Values • Promoting Family Unity

  15. Is your family engaged inoutreach and ministry?! 1 John 3:18 Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth. (New International Translation) Dear children, let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions. (New Living Translation)

  16. Hosanna Family Oriented Ministries: 1. Foster care • Child Protective Services • Foster/Adopt • Juvenile Probation • Paraclete Family/Safe Family 2. Hosting for international students • High School • College 3. Parent Project

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