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Mai’s Dairy

Mai’s Dairy. Tangled Threads Rising Action. Entry One. April 10 th

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Mai’s Dairy

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  1. Mai’s Dairy Tangled Threads Rising Action

  2. Entry One • April 10th • America, such a faraway place. Strange, a new feeling is swirling inside of me. A fuzzy feeling, like the time when Grandma had smiled wide when I finished my firs pa'ndau. I want to jump, to run, to scream with joy, but I can’t, the soldiers will see. They will be suspicious, they won’t let me leave. • So, so far away. Grandma says that America isn’t as good as See and Pa Cua claims. I don’t believe her, Grandma has never been to America. She doesn’t want to leave Thailand, I know she tries to hide it, but it is as clear as the ground below our feet. • The new camp is a scary place. I don’t know anyone and I can’t play with Pa Nhia. Pa Nhia isn’t coming to America, she has to stay and get married. Grandma says that it’s a good thing, now Pa Nhia will finally have a good home. I’m hoping we can get to America safely. Actually, I know we will because today, I found a worm that came from far, far away, and has survived.

  3. Entry two • May 18th • Sweet, sweet America, filled with surprises at every corner. Here in America, we have our own apartments. Uncle Ger says these apartments are small, but they are much bigger than the huts back in camp. Grandma doesn’t trust these flat houses, she says that the apartment will fall because it isn’t connected with the ground. Grandma doesn’t know anything about the American ways, I don’t think she should be making all these assumptions. Here in American, I have my own room! A room all to myself. It is such a luxury. Grandma has her own too, but she doesn’t like her room as much as I like mine. The beds here are soft and comfy, but I am the only one who can sleep without getting back pains. Grandma doesn’t want to stay, to her, the apartment is not her home. • See and Pa Cua have new names, they call themselves Lisa and Heather. Heather has turned from the good Hmong girl into a rebellious American girl. She isn’t hones anymore, and keeps so many secrets. Heather scares me, Grandma has warned me to stay away from her. Even so, Heather can be nice at times. She bought me pizza, American food. She, Lisa, and I laughed all the way back home. Plus, Heather is helping me fit in, teaching me how to protect myself. Maybe Grandma is wrong about Heather too. • School has started too. I met Yer, my first Hmong friend other than Pa Nhia. She is my “mentor” and is supposed to guide me around the school. Apparently, American can waste food all they want and go unpunished. It is confusing and a waste. There is also another English teacher here, her name is Miss Susan. She is just as nice as Miss Sayapong. I miss her so much. School doesn’t seem the same without her.

  4. Entry three • August12th • Anger rears coils around Uncle Ger. His soul needs purging, the Shaman should’ve helped him. Uncle Ger doesn’t believe in the use of Shamans anymore. He pretends he does to Grandma but he really doesn’t. Uncle Ger is much like Heather, too much dishonesty, too many secrets. He is just like an American now, only with different skin. Grandma does not see him as she used to. • Heather reminds me more and more like a tiger each day. She paces around the room like a caged animal. Her eyes are wary, impatient, and filled with anger. Anger towards everyone, but especially for Uncle Ger. I fear for what will happen in the future. A person can only bottle up their anger for so long. • I have to confess, I tricked a woman today. She was working for the government and didn’t seem like a bad person. I do not know how but the lies just came spilling out of me like a waterfall. I am ashamed but I like this feeling of power. It sickens me but excites me at the same time. A buzzing feeling, very unlike the feeling when I first tasted the American culture. I do not like this feeling, I do not want to be sick with sin. Tomorrow, I promise I will change. No more lies. No more sins.

  5. Entry 4 • December 9th • What do I do? Everything is falling apart. Heather is gone, Lisa and Auntie is in tears, Uncle Ger is furious, and Grandma, Grandma won’t wake up. Why won’t she wake up? This is all my fault, all my fault, why did I have to ask that stupid question? I wish Heather had never told me that I was held back for an extra 5 years in the camps. Now Grandma is gone, and her soul has left the earth. Grandma has left me alone in this cruel world.

  6. Entry 5 • January 1st • Home is no longer home without Grandma. Though I can still occasionally feel her touch, it isn’t the same. I was adopted by Uncle Gerand I moved into Heather’s room. Things seems to be better now. The cloud of gloom no longer hovers above us. No one has forgotten Grandma, but we are slowly moving forward. • It is almost New Years. This year, I will be performing with Yer and the rest. I hope Grandma can see us from above. I know she would like it. • There is still no word from Heather, but I know she is in good hands with Bobby. I trust Heather, she can make her own decisions. When she is ready, she will come back, I am sure of it. • A new year has started. A year without Grandma, a year with my family, a year in America.

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