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RELATIONSHIPS: Coercion & Manipulation

RELATIONSHIPS: Coercion & Manipulation. “SUSPICIOUS MINDS” – ELVIS PRESLEY. WE'RE CAUGHT IN A TRAP I CAN'T WALK OUT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH BABY WHY CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME WHEN YOU DON'T BELIEVE A WORD I SAY? WE CAN'T GO ON TOGETHER WITH SUSPICIOUS MINDS

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RELATIONSHIPS: Coercion & Manipulation

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  1. RELATIONSHIPS:Coercion & Manipulation

  2. “SUSPICIOUS MINDS” – ELVIS PRESLEY WE'RE CAUGHT IN A TRAPI CAN'T WALK OUTBECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH BABYWHY CAN'T YOU SEEWHAT YOU'RE DOING TO MEWHEN YOU DON'T BELIEVE A WORD I SAY?WE CAN'T GO ON TOGETHERWITH SUSPICIOUS MINDS AND WE CAN'T BUILD OUR DREAMSON SUSPICIOUS MINDS

  3. “SUSPICIOUS MINDS” – ELVIS PRESLEY SO, IF AN OLD FRIEND I KNOWSTOPS BY TO SAY HELLOWOULD I STILL SEE SUSPICION IN YOUR EYES?HERE WE GO AGAINASKING WHERE I'VE BEENYOU CAN'T SEE THESE TEARS ARE REALI'M CRYING (YES I'M CRYING)WE CAN'T GO ON TOGETHERWITH SUSPICIOUS MINDS AND WE CAN'T BUILD OUR DREAMSON SUSPICIOUS MINDS

  4. “SUSPICIOUS MINDS” – ELVIS PRESLEY OH LET OUR LOVE SURVIVEOH DRY THE TEARS FROM YOUR EYESLET'S DON'T LET A GOOD THING DIEWHEN HONEY, YOU KNOWI'VE NEVER LIED TO YOU WE'RE CAUGHT IN A TRAPI CAN'T WALK OUTBECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH BABYWHY CAN'T YOU SEEWHAT YOU'RE DOING TO MEWHEN YOU DON'T BELIEVE A WORD I SAY?DON'T YOU KNOW I'M CAUGHT IN A TRAPI CAN'T WALK OUTBECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH BABY

  5. DISCUSS • We all experience two core problems: • We don’t get what we want • We can’t make other people do what we want • This is the direct opposite of Jesus’ two points of Matt 22:39. How do these two traits affect our relationships? What do they lead us to do?

  6. LOVE vs FEAR POWER vs FORCE ONGOING CHANGE vs TEMP SUBMISSION INTERNAL vs EXTERNAL COMMITMENT vsCOMPLIANCE

  7. “Being powerful is like being a lady; if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t” - Margaret Thatcher.

  8. Emotional Self-Defence

  9. FLIP THE ICEBERG

  10. WORDS FEELINGS

  11. People that use aggressive style: • Don’t usually intend to cause harm, usually intend to motivate. • Often don’t know how to use other, more effective techniques • Often shocked when they learn how others perceive them. • CREATING CHANGE • Make them see • Make them care • Change the environment • Leave (Luke 10) Managing Aggressive/Coercive People

  12. “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink…” • This may be true, but: • You can make it see the water • You can work it until it’s thirsty

  13. "Only time can heal your broken heart… Just as only time can heal his broken arms & legs.” - MISS PIGGY

  14. “Rise up shepherd, rise up. Your flock has roamed far from the hills.” - Bruce Springsteen, “Rocky Ground” “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is.”ROMANS 12:2

  15. “Dark times call for dark deeds” • “You’re wrong. They call for light.” • Hammer of the Gods • (coming movie)

  16. “Why are you so unhappy? Because ninety-nine percent of what you think, And everything you do, Is for your self, And there isn’t one.” WU WEI WU – CHINESE SAGE

  17. “STEWARDSHIP” – PETER BLOCK “People need to act on their own choices. Acts of compliance do not serve those around us. Dominance also fails. We also do a disservice to others when we make decisions for them. Even if we are right. We diminish others when we define purpose and meaning for them, even if they ask us to do so.”

  18. DOMINANCE COMPLIANCE CHOICE✓ (DIMINISHED SELF) (DIMINISHED OTHERS) STEWARDSHIP EMPOWERMENT RESPONSIBILITY OWNERSHIP ACCOUNTABLE

  19. DISCUSS What pattern does scripture suggest about how God relates to us? What does God model in terms of preserving vs overriding choice? What does Jesus do – how does he interact with choice? For both God & Jesus, what exceptions are there? Are there any patterns to those exceptions?

  20. Learning to influence and persuade transparently and with integrity is the way of the kingdom. God expects us to influence people’s choices. Transparently, humbly, creatively and skillfully. (ACTS 26:28-29; MATT 10:!6) When we use tools that take choice off people, we are usually using the tools of the wrong kingdom. (ROM 12:2) DOMINANCE COMPLIANCE CHOICE✓ DARKNESS DARKNESS LIGHT

  21. “...he who wins souls is wise.” (PROV 11:30)

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