Domestic Violence Recognition and Prevention

1. Domestic ViolenceRecognition and Prevention With Materials taken from Breaking Free: The Church Responds to Domestic Violence By: The Rev. Anne O Weatherholt, 2008

2. Boundaries before we begin • If this subject is “too close” • If you are or have been abused • If someone you know or love is or has been abused • If you are a survivor of child abuse • Moment of silence

3. Perceptions or Reality?True or False: • Most domestic violence takes place in families who are poor and is the result of substance abuse

4. FALSE • There is no one “profile” of domestic violence. • People in all economic levels are victims • DV affects men, women, children • Abusers are from all “walks of life” • Substance abuse does not cause domestic abuse

5. True or False:Domestic Violence is only physical, resulting in bruises or injuries that show.

6. FALSE • Physical violence is only part of a pattern of emotional and psychological control • Men are more likely to be victims of emotional abuse and may not recognize it • Neglect is the most common form of elder abuse, followed by economic exploitation

7. True or False:If the abuser is sorry and promises to change or get help, the abuse will stop.

8. FALSE • Remorse and begging are part of the cycle of violence • Remorse is a part of gaining control • Without intervention, few abusers take responsibility for their actions

9. True or False:The victim can always walk away from the relationship.

10. FALSE • Victims fear intimidation and not feel they have a safe place to go • Abusers use threats to intimidate their victims • Abusers often strip victims of money, limit their resources, and isolate them • By the time many victims get help, they have tried to leave more than 10 times • Children who are victims are afraid that they will not be believed • Elders are dependent on their abusers

11. True or False:When a child is bully, s/he is just expressing his/her immature, “natural” behavior.

12. FALSE • Bullying has the same dynamics as domestic violence • Bullies may be abused at home • Bullies must be given strict boundaries • Adults must interfere to protect innocent victims from control by bullies

13. True or False:Shelters for animalsoutnumber shelters for women.

14. TRUE There are three times as many shelters for animals as there are for battered persons, and there are very few shelters for men or women with children older than 12.

15. True or False: If you know your sexual partner, forced intimacy is never rape.

16. False: • When forced sex takes place between persons who know each other, it is known as date rape or acquaintance rape. It is considered an act of aggression or violence. • It is against the law

17. True or False:Persons of deep religious faith are less likely to be abused

18. FalseReligious beliefs or affiliations do not prevent someone from being abused. Abusers may use religious beliefs to justify their behavior and victims may believe they must forgive and make peace

19. Statistics: • Half of all homeless women and children are fleeing from domestic abuse • Every day, 4 women in the USA are murdered by their abusers • One-third of high school and college students experience violence in an intimate relationship during their dating years.

20. One out of every three families will experience episodes of domestic violence • Children are at risk in abusive households, even from the adult victims who may strike out to restore a sense of control

21. 700,000 children were found to be victims of maltreatment by child protective services (2008). 44% were white, one fifth were 4-7 years of age. • Most victims of rape under 12 know their attackers who are family members, friends, or acquaintances. • Domestic Violence is the leading cause of injury for women

22. What is Domestic Violence? • A pattern • Of coercive behavior • Characterized b the domination and control of one person over another • Usually an intimate partner • Through physical • Psychological • Emotional

23. Verbal • Sexual • And Economic Abuse

24. “…My life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my misery….” Psalm 31:10

25. Characteristics of Domestic Violence • Systematic • Coercive • Intimidating • Controlling • Escalating • Debilitating • Insidious

26. The Cycle of Violence:(Domestic partners) “You therefore, beloved, since you are forewarned, beware that you are not carried away with the error of the lawless and lose your own stability.” 2 Peter 3:17

27. Phases of the Cycle • Honeymoon/Pursuit Phase • Tension Building Phase • Build-up Phase • Stand-over Phase • Explosion/Critical incident Phase • Remorse Phase • Making up/Calm Phase • Honeymoon/Pursuit Phase

28. This not a “closed loop” Denial

29. Entry and Build Up Phases • Quick seductive courtship marked by jealously and possessiveness • Gradual rise in tension; victim becomes compliant, abuse becomes more controlling • Victim becomes more emotionally detached and begins to give up asserting independence

30. Explosion/Critical Incident • Yelling, threats, hurtful insults • Destruction of property • Abuse of pets • Physical battering • Hitting, punching, strangulation • Escalation of incidents over time • Murder

31. Remorse and Regret • The most misunderstood part of the cycle • Abusers promise to stop • Abusers promise to get help and may even begin a program • Victim may take the blame • DENIAL: The engine that keeps the cycle spinning

32. Making up/Honeymoon • Period of “shock” • Relationship put “on hold” • Abuser offers profuse apologies • Victim hopes for a return to “the way things were before”

33. Separation and Exit Paths • This is not a “closed cycle” • There are exit paths • Leaving the cycle is difficult and possibly dangerous • PLEASE SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP!

34. Separation and Exit Paths • After a Critical Incident • During Tension-building phase • A plan may be shaped over time • Help is multidimensional: law enforcement, family, courts, shelters, social agencies, the faith community • Know the laws about child and elder abuse

35. DANGER: The abuser will resist! • Abuser is threatened by loss of control • Abusers may be armed and dangerous • Seek protection for children • Seek protection for yourself • NEVER take a victim to your home!

36. The Role of Religion Why are we silent?

37. Barriers to Action: Make a list • Denial: Domestic Violence is not occurring in any families in our faith community • The Faith community should respect the privacy of the family & styles of childrearing • Abuse is between the adults and will not affect the children • Marriage vows are sacred and marriage should be preserved

38. The harm taking place is probably exaggerated • A member of the clergy must not “take sides” in a domestic dispute • A local faith community lacks the expertise to respond to domestic violence

39. Domestic Violence is a legal issue, not a spiritual issue. It is outside the domain of the faith community • Male pre-eminence is upheld by scripture and the religious teachings • Interpersonal violence has always existed and will always exist; congregations have limited power

40. Church History and Domestic Violence • Subjugation of Women • Marriage Vows are binding • Suffering is “redemptive” • The wife may be able to “convert” the husband • “Blessed are the meek” • “Spare the rod and spoil the child”

41. Interpretation of Scripture “There are some things in [Pauls’ writings]…hard to understand, which the ignorant and unstable twist to their own destruction, as they do other scriptures….But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” 2 Peter 3:16,18a

42. Factors to consider • The Bible is a collection of Books based on oral narrative, written over thousands of years….a library under one cover • The Bible was written in Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek • The Bible contains different types of literature

43. Interpretation of the meaning of scripture was taking place at the time it was written…..e.g. the parable of the seed. • We are to understand scripture within the context of God’s love • We are to read scripture in dialog and relationship with others • The story and work of God is not complete or done

44. “Texts of Terror” • Author Phyllis Trible, 1984 • The Rape of Tamar: 2 Samuel 13:1-22 • The unnamed Concubine: Judges 19:1-30 • These are disturbing narratvies

45. Women protected and Abuse exposed • Susanna: The Apocrypha • The woman taken in Adultery: John 8:1-11

46. The Holiness of Marriage • Mutual regard • Unselfish love • Covenant • Holiness of ALL vows

47. Breaking the Covenant: The “Holiness” of Separation and/or Divorce • Covenant of Marriage is a Stewardship off the resources of a relationship. • No ownership in Covenant • Breaking vows damages the Covenant

48. Example of one Church’s response: Episcopal Canons (Laws) on Marriage • Title 1, Canon 19, Section 1 • When marital unity is imperiled by dissension, • lay the matter before a Member of the clergy • act first to protect and promote and physical and emotional safety of those involved • only then seek reconciliation.

49. Check website for your church and faith community • Assess and understand your own personal values about marriage and divorce • Read materials from your faith tradition • Divorce, like many laws, exists to protect the vulnerable

50. Providing Support for the Abused