Dating

1. Dating How to Develop a Healthy Relationship

2. Avoiding Relational Traps • Emotional Trap • Infatuation Trap • Sex Trap

3. How to Develop the Best Relationships • Consider Yourself • Chemistry • Compatibility • Character • Commitment Being the right person Being attracted to another person Sharing things in common Discovering the real person To the well-being of another person

4. Consider Yourself “I Am Unique, One-of-a-Kind”

5. Potential Emotional Consequences Worry Feeling Used Feeling Empty Depressed Lowered Self-Esteem Regret/Guilt

6. Robin- “After I had sex the second time, it made me feel horrible. First of all I didn’t enjoy it, and second I thought ‘what are you doing to yourself’? You know you can get pregnant and maybe catch an STD…all these thoughts were going on in my mind.” • Which emotional consequences(s) is Robin experiencing?

7. Nick- “I had come to a place through all the different heartaches and heartbreaks…I was in a real hole, a dark pit. Sleeping around wasn’t bringing fulfillment in my life. It left me feeling empty”. • Which emotional consequence(s) is Nick experiencing?

8. Sarah- “Every time I had sex I was giving away a piece of my heart. I was giving away something I could never get back. I found myself making excuses for the bad behavior of boyfriends. I felt used and empty…I started hating myself.” • Which emotional consequence(s) is Sarah experiencing?

9. Why do you think that 66% of all sexually active teens interviewed reported that they wished they waited longer to have sex?

10. Compatibility Areas Character Counts • Honesty • Self-control • Respect • Responsibility • Caring

11. Commitment Infatuation vs. Love • Can infatuation turn into love? • Can it not turn into love? • How can you know if it will? Take the Love Test • Time • Knowledge • Focus • Trust • Priority • Problems • Separation • Attraction • Feelings • Family and Friends

13. Dating Choosing the right person.

14. Choosing the Right Person One of the most important things to know about a potential date is the quality of the person’s character. • Is unselfish • Treat others well • Is tolerate and respectful • Has similar morals and values • Is fun to be with • Respects themselves

15. Avoiding the Wrong Person Do not date someone that • Hurts you physically or emotionally • Does not respect your morals and values • Makes you feel badly about your self • Is jealous • Is possessive

16. Being the Right Person • Honest • Trustworthy • Generous • Not possessive • Good friend • Person of integrity and character

17. Dating Sexual Assault and Rape

18. Sexual Assault Any sexual activity in which force or threat of force is used.

19. Sexual Pressure Internal External • Hormones • Thoughts • Urges • Persuasions • Media • Music

20. Date Rape In more than half of the rapes committed, the victim knows the attacker. Being raped by someone you know is more common than left-handedness, heart attacks , or alcoholism.

21. Most common mistakes made: • A teenage girl voluntarily agreeing to go to the house, apartment, or car of a young man she has known for less than 24 hours. • The impairment of the victim by drugs or alcohol.

22. Safety Tips • If you are going on a date find out as much as you can about the person. • If you don’t know your date very well, consider double-dating. • Know the dating plans and tell someone. • Don’t hesitate to be assertive when you say NO. • Be aware that alcohol decreases your ability to react and impairs your judgment. • If attending a party, do not leave with a guy you don’t know very well. • Avoid out-of-the way places or secluded areas. • Listen to your instincts!

23. Date Rape Drugs There are at least three date rape drugs. • GHB (gamma hydroxybutyric acid) • Rohypnol (flunitrazepam) • Ketamine (ketamine hydrochloride)

24. Because of the effect of these drugs, victims may be physically helpless, unable to refuse sex, and cannot remember what happened. • The drugs often have no color, smell, or taste. • They are easily added to flavored drinks without the victim’s knowledge. • These drugs have been used on both men and women.

25. What do the drugs look like? • GHB – liquid with no odor or color, white powder, and pill. • Rohypnol – pill that dissolves in liquids (new ones turn blue in liquid) • Ketamine – white powder

26. What effects do these drugs have on the body? • They can affect you quickly. • The length of time that the effects last varies depending on how much of the drug is taken. • Alcohol can worsen the drug’s effects.

27. Are these drugs legal in the US? • Rohypnol is NOT legal in the U.S. It is legal in Europe and Mexico and brought into the U.S. illegally. • Ketamine is legal in the U.S. for use as an anesthetic for humans and animals. Mostly animals. • GHB was recently made legal in the U.S. to treat problems from narcolepsy (a sleep problem).

28. Is alcohol a date rape drug? • Alcohol is a drug that can put a person at risk for unwanted or risky sexual activity. • When a person is drinking alcohol: • It is harder to think clearly and evaluate a potentially dangerous situation. • It’s harder to resist sexual or physical assault. • Drinking too much alcohol can also cause black-outs and memory loss. If a victim of sexual assault drank alcohol, they are not at fault for being assaulted.

29. How can I protect myself from being a victim? • Don’t’ accept drinks from other people. • Open containers yourself. • Keep your drink with you at all times, even when you go to the bathroom. • Don’t share drinks. • Don’t drink from punch bowls, etc. • Don’t drink anything that tastes funny. (GHB may taste salty) • Have a friend that can “watch your back.”

30. If you think that you have been raped: • Go to the police station or hospital right away. • Get a urine test asap. The drugs leave your system quickly. Rohypnol: 72 hours GHB: 12 hours • Don’t urinate before getting help. • Don’t douche, bathe, or change clothes before getting help. You may disturb evidence. • Call a crisis center or hotline to talk to a counselor. National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1 -800-656-HOPE

31. Friendship • Two people get to know each other better. • They may find they have things in common. • They explore each others characteristics. • They are on their best behavior.

32. Attraction • Something about the person catches your attention. • You are attracted to each other. • You want to get to know each other better.

33. Close Friendship • Two people spend more time together. • The two people get to know each other’s values and feelings. • You begin to discover each others tendencies. • At this stage the relationship may progress or retreat.

34. Deep Friendship • You reveal your faults. • They let down their masks of best behavior and reality sets in. • The two trust each other and accept each others’ true self, complete with faults. • They may decide to “go steady.”

35. Lifelong Love • Two people feel they can commit to each other for life. • The two have invested time into the relationship. • The degree of closeness makes conflict likely but the two learn to resolve conflict in healthy ways. • This relationship may lead to marriage.