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Forgiveness. Positive Affect . Future: optimism, hope, faith, trust Present: joy, ecstasy, calm, zest, pleasure Past: satisfaction, contentment, fulfillment, pride, serenity. Past. Revenge or avoidance requires a lot of energy Can affect current relationships Risk Trust Resentment.
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Positive Affect • Future: optimism, hope, faith, trust • Present: joy, ecstasy, calm, zest, pleasure • Past: satisfaction, contentment, fulfillment, pride, serenity
Past • Revenge or avoidance requires a lot of energy • Can affect current relationships • Risk • Trust • Resentment
Forgiveness • Easy • should not be treated as a duty or obligation • Should not be something trivialized • Something that can or should be forced (choice) • Excuse the offense of offender or tolerate either • Not require reconciliation • Not dependent on the offender changing • Not a guarantee that offender or others will not hurt again • Not burying or denying or invalidating our pain • Not forgetting
Forgiveness • Protect us from further offense by trying to out harm the defender • Surrender the right to get even • For our protection • Makes the offender responsible not us • A process that takes time • A choice
How to forgive • Admit the offense • Face the emotions connected to the offense • Accept the responsibility for holding onto the offense and the pain • Decide I want to let go/ heal • Practice forgiveness • Learn to forgive yourself
Past • 1=strongly disagree, 2=disagree, 3=neutral, 4=agree, 5=strongly agree 1. I’ll make him/her pay 2. I am trying to keep as much distance between us as possible 3. I wish that something bad would happen to him/her 4. I am living as if he/she doesn’t exist, or isn’t around 5. I don’t trust him/her 6. I want him/her to get what he/she deserves 7. I am finding it difficult to act warmly toward him/her 8. I am avoiding him/her 9. I’m going to get even 10. I cut off the relationship with him/her 11. I want to see him/her hurt and miserable 12. I withdraw from him/her
Past • Total your scores for items 2,4,5,7,8,10, and 12 • Mean 12.6 • 17.6 and above in most avoidant third • 22.8 and above in the most avoidant 10th • Total your scores for 1,3,6,9, and 11 • Around 7.7 average • 11 and above most vengeful third • 13.2 and above most vengeful tenth