Total Health

1. Total Health January 24, 2013 Dichotomies Birth Order

2. Prayer Journal “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity.”  I Tim. 4:12  NIV

3. CHAPTER FIVE: THAT FIRST SCARY STEP How to do Hard Things that take you outside your comfort zone. “Life is full of scary things,” write Alex and Brett. Most of us can relate! The problem comes when we let fear or discomfort limit what we attempt or dream for our lives.

4. Most teens are afraid to speak in public, try something new, go somewhere new, or meet new people. Interestingly, all these experience usually turn out positively—or at least give us the most interesting stories. If we’re willing to act in spite of fear, risk failure when necessary, and trust God, our lives will change radically for the better. And we’ll accomplish more than we ever could have imagined.

5. Great faith is the product of great fights. Great testimonies are the outcome of great tests. Great triumphs can only come out of great trials. • Do Hard Things, Page 71

6. True courage is not the absence of fear. It is the refusing to allow fear to control your actions. • Do Hard Things, page 77

7. Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God. Do Hard Things, page 84

8. Question 1 Would you say that fear of failure or discomfort affects you • not at all, • (b) a little, • (c) often, or • (d) all the time? Talk about your answer.

9. Question 2 Identify the areas in your life where you try hardest to stay in your “cozy little routines.” In each case, what negative outcome are you most afraid of? What very positive outcome might come about if you took that first scary step despite your fears?

10. Question 3 Most of us associate words like faith and courage with positive feelings. But Alex and Brett write that many who choose to act out of faith or courage actually experience intensely negative feelings, such as fear, uncertainty, worry, and doubt. If you have ever made a courageous choice but felt terrible while you were making it, talk about it. What happened? What did you learn?

11. Question 4 Why might God be able to accomplish more through us when we act in spite of our weaknesses rather than out of our confidence or strength?

12. Question 5 “Our story started with a simple step into the unknown,” Seth Willard says in this chapter. “But by God’s grace, our story has only just begun.” As you were reading this chapter, did any thoughts come to mind about a step into the unknown you should or could be taking? If so, what is it?

13. Chapter 6: Raising the Bar How to do Hard Things that go beyond what is expected or required. What happens when we measure ourselves or our actions against a bar—and that bar is set too low? We might feel good at first, but we’re likely to feel misled and cheated in the long run.

14. In Chapter 6 the twins explore how phrases like “Just do your best” can do more harm than good. • Comparisons with how others perform don’t help either. Instead, teens need to reject complacency by choosing values like “Do what’s hard for you,” and “Pursue excellence, not excuses.”

15. 3 Strategies for Stepping Higher • Do what is hard for you • Be known for what you do (more than for what you don’t) • Pursue excellence, not excuses

16. Question 1 The Bible says, “The complacency of fools destroys them.” Do you think it’s possible to be popular, smart, and successful and still be complacent and foolish? If so, how?

17. Question 2 Most teens show above-average abilities in at least one area. According to Alex and Brett, what’s the danger of defining ourselves by that one area?

18. Question 3 “Don’t do bad stuff” can easily be the default standard of excellence in church circles. Do you see any problem with that? Write about it.

19. Question 4 If you decided to measure every area of your life by “excellence, not excuses,” what kinds of changes would the people around you start to notice?

20. This Homework is DueJanuary 31, 2013

21. Myers-Briggs Assessment Get out your results to the MBTI

22. Dichotomies Extraversion (E) - (I) Introversion Sensing (S) - (N) Intuition Thinking (T) - (F) Feeling Judgement (J) - (P) Perception

23. http://typelogic.com/

24. Know Your Values and Why they Matter • Please get out your results

25. Birth Order • When you entered your family, you changed your entire family dynamic – much more that you think. • Alfred Adler, the pioneer of birth order theory, says most of us fall into four basic categories: lastborn, middleborn, firstborn, and only.

26. The “Special” Entitled Ones: Lastborn/Babies • A friend of mine was talking to his eight-year-old daughter, the lastborn in his family, about a pack of Pez candy and a dispenser in a box of Cheerios. • The middleborn son wanted the candy, the oldest daughter wanted the dispenser, the youngest daughter wanted both.

27. “Why should I give you both the candy and the dispenser, while your brother and sister get nothing?” Dad asked the eight-year-old. • “Because I’m the youngest,” she said. • Made plenty of sense to her!

28. Last Born • Grow up with a tremendous, unflagging sense of entitlement. • You usually don’t have to convince lastborns that they are special – they already know it and will remind you of it every ten minutes should you momentarily forget.

29. They are often coddled and babied – not just by Mom and Dad but also often by older siblings. • Lastborns usually grow up to be “people persons.” • Since everyone in the family is older than they are, they have learned the art of persuasion and occasionally even manipulation. • They can charm you, are usually engaging, and are often blatant show-offs. • An overwhelming number of comedians are lastborns.

30. The lastborn’s favorite phrase… • “I wonder what would happen if ……?” • When you get the wedding photos back and see that one of the six-year-old pulled his shirt tail out his fly, therefore spoiling the portrait, two to one says he’s the lastborn. When everyone else throws rice, he wonders what would happen if I threw gravel instead?

31. But even after being punished, the next year at a wedding he would ask himself, • “What would happen if I threw rice pudding?”

32. As performers of the family, lastborns tend to take far more risks that their conservative older siblings, but they are also less industrious, cherishing the idea of “play new, pay later,”

33. One Exception • Some lastborns can become very intense if they have a case of “I’ll show them.” • Because very often they’re often told that they’re too young or too small or too dumb, lastborns can become very ambitious to prove others wrong.

34. The desire to become the center of attention • The class clown • Maybe become the weak, slow one the family always has to wait for whenever they take walks. • Maybe he will become the “messie” or the rebel. • All of these behaviors have on end in mind: Making adults notice the baby.

35. Quick Traits of Lastborns • Social, outgoing, have never met a stranger • Uncomplicated, spontaneous, humorous • High on people skills • See life as a party • Likely to get away with murder- and the least likely to be punished (they are too young and cute) • Wear a lot of hand-me-downs • Get picked on by their siblings • Keep their nickname

36. Middlemen/Middleborns • Middles usually take on the temperament of an Irish Setter. They like peace at all costs. Middles are the negotiators, the mediators, and the compromisers. Looked at cynically, they might also be considered the “kiss-ups”, because they don’t like confrontation. • Middleborns want everyone to get along, and they tent to have a strong fear of being the one who gets blamed.

37. Middleborns are the hardest to define because a middle can go in any number of directions. • Most often that direction is the complete opposite of the child just above them in the family. • For example, if the first-born is the star athlete, the middle might become a scholar. If the first-born is a gifted musician, the middle might spend her time racing motorcycles.

38. What is the Middleborn doing? Trying to carve out her own place in the world, which means diverting a far as possible from the firstborn’s path.

39. Occasionally, the middleborn may think he can outdo his older brother or sister – the way Donald Trump and former presidents Richard Nixon and George Bush, Sr did – and more than one middle has been known to follow this path with gusto. • But if the middleborn doesn’t think he can surpass the firstborn’s legacy, he will usually react by trying to create his own.

40. The Gender Difference • Gender takes on even more significance with middles. Middleborn boys who come from families in which all the children are boys tend to take on classic middleborn characteristics. • But middle boys who have all females siblings often take on some firstborn characteristics because they are the firstborn male (the same is true for a middle female with all male siblings).

41. The Classic Middleborn • Is usually a good team player and is reliable, steady, and loyal. • There are exceptions, depending on age gaps. Sometimes a middleborn will be a scrappy, ambitious climber just aching to pull down a firstborn, but that is not the norm.

42. Middles are not as comfortable making decisions as firstborns are. They have a higher degree of doubt that firstborns and consequently tend to be less gifted at solving problems (though they are great as mediators or when solving disputes). • They roll with the punches and are amiable, down-to-earth, and great at listening.

43. They can be unselfish to a fault and very loyal. They are the nice, polite, laid-back, and usually nondescript type of people. • They don’t stand out in the crowd and don’t make waves, but they are very pleasant to be around.

44. On the Negative Side • Have a difficult time setting boundaries. • They may try to please everyone and consequently frustrate everyone in the process. • When something goes wrong, they will sometimes take the blame, even when they are not at fault.

45. Here is the Dilemma • Firstborn Frank get all the respect. He’s the oldest, the smartest and the biggest. • Lastborn Linda gets all the affection. She’s the cutest, the smallest, and the one in need of most attention. • Middleborn Mike gets squeezed out. He doesn’t get the respect of the firstborn or the attention of the lastborn. In fact, what he most often gets is the blame.

46. He cannot out-argue Frank, and Linda gets excused because she is so little, so guess who has the finger pointing at him? • And if Middleborn Mike ever gets so bold as to actually hit the little princess, he will not be able to sit down for a week.

47. Quick Traits of Middleborn • Goes in the opposite path of the child above them in the family • Walks to the beat of a different drummer • Competitive, loyal, big on friendships • Lives in an anonymous haziness (the safest place to be) • Can get away with occasional laziness and indifference (they are not noticed as much.)

48. Are not pushed as hard or expected to accomplish as much as the child above them. • They are good negotiators who try to keep the peace.

49. The Prince/Princess in Waiting: Firstborns • You already know the firstborn: Your parents may have voted for him to become president. Or your Dad or Mom may work for her at a Fortune 500 company. • Perhaps you watched him fly into space as an astronaut or you’ve read one of her bestselling books. • All of these occupations are overwhelming populated with firstborn adults.

50. Firstborns are Pretty Easy to Spot • Every hair is in place, their clothes are immaculate, and their shoes shined. • Their cars are vacuumed, and they’re the ones who buy Palm Pilots and Day-Timers (and actually use them). • You can count on them to be prompt, and their easygoing confidence is obvious by the way they shake your hand and look directly into your eyes.