Understanding Emotions and Behavior in Children and Adults

1. Today’s objectives • To look at the latest neuro-biological research with a view to understanding out of control behaviour, and how this might helps professionals working with children and adults who may display complex behaviours. • To explore emotional intelligence, emotional development and emotions as promoters or inhibitors of learning.

2. Why is emotional intelligence so important? • Emotions are something we do • The words emotion and motivation are closely linked, we are moved to do things - we are moved by things • Every strong emotion has as at its root an impulse to action (Goleman) • Evidence shows case after case demonstrating the power of the emotional mind to override rational intelligence with both good and bad consequences

3. Emotional intelligence Rational intelligence … IQ … recognition of multiple intelligences Emotional intelligence … EQ In homes and schools where emotional intelligence is nurtured with the same concern as IQ, children tolerate frustration better, get into fewer fights, and engage less self-destructive behaviour. They are healthier, less lonely, less impulsive, and more focused. Human relationships improve, and so does academic achievement

4. Emotions impact on every area of life: …………………. Health …………………. Learning …………………. Behaviour …………………. Relationships

5. Implications … and impact on learning and teaching • IQ is affected by emotional state when adrenaline and cortisol are released IQ drops dramatically • Many children who have experienced death… divorce… loss or other traumatic events are hyper- aroused causing the fear circuit to constantly trigger A look a word a memory can trigger the amygdala to fire

6. Emotional intelligence is a capacity for potential to be developed – it has significant implications for education’ …… it leads us to consider what can and ought to be taught and the difference it would make. Five domains of emotional intelligence: • Knowing one’s emotions • Managing emotions • Motivating oneself • Recognising emotion in others • Handling relationships

7. Emotional Intelligence – We ignore it at our own and our pupils peril

8. Data from the 2012 Census: • At least one in four children in England and Wales now lives in a one-parent family • More than 10% of children are in step-families • Around 149,000 children under 18 are providing unpaid care within their family. • 18.6% live in "workless" households. • There are nearly 2.0 million lone parents with dependent children in the UK in 2012, a figure which has grown steadily but significantly from 1.6 million in 1996

9. The Big Picture • Social changes mean that support structures, particularly the extended family no longer provide the assistance they once did • Change in roles within the family bring about increased stress • We live in a fast moving ever-changing, interconnected world where events on the other side of the world have direct impact on our lives this can threaten our security and leave us feeling powerless.

10. The Big Picture • Increasing numbers of children with Emotional ehavioural problems • Therapeutic help for children is still hard to access and there are waiting lists • Children cannot access help themselves and even if it is offered it is often blocked by the parent/carer • One million children suffer from a diagnosed mental health problem • 35% experience the loss of a parent before they reach 18

11. The truine brain Our Brains are made up of three main parts, which have developed at different stages of our evolution. Each has an important part to play in learning and keeping us safe.

12. The truine brain The brain stem, Oldest part of our brain. We share it with birds, and reptiles. Controls basics: hunger, temperature control, fight-or-flight fear responses, defending territory, keeping safe. Often called the reptilian brain, is always on the alert for life-threatening events We "downshift" when responding to life-threatening conditions Because it is the "Flight or Fight" level of our brain, action takes place without thinking Anything that is a threat - real or perceived - causes our brain to "downshift" When "downshifting" occurs, learning can not take place

13. The truine brain - The Limbic System Home of the emotions, part of the brain that has visual memory, but language is limited to yells, screams, expletives If we are not in an emotionally stable state we will not be able to learn efficiently as our brain "downshifts" from higher level activities. Any threat to our wellbeing can cause downshifting, but not to the "blanking out" stage of the brain stem (reptilian brain) A part of the limbic system the hippocampus, is associated with long-term memory

14. The truine brain - The Cerebral Cortex • Part of the brain that is used for higher level thinking. • Processes thousands of bits of information per minute • Is the slowest of the three levels of the brain. • Students must be operating in this level if learning is to take place • Therefore the learning environment must be absent of threats, so that the brain doesn't "downshift" into its more primitive parts. • This is the home of academic learning.

15. Emotional hijack An "emotional hijack" occurs when intense emotions overwhelm reasoned thought - we literally cannot think straight. Automatic actions are laid down by childhood experiences. Human development can be viewed in terms of a series of crucial socialisation tasks, and skills, learned if parents/carers/teachers create an atmosphere and opportunities that allow children to learn to the best of their ability. It is crucial to consider a pupil at his/her developmental level, rather than chronological age and to consider if the behaviour is compatible with that stage of development.

18. Amygdala All incoming data passes through the amygdala which using the limbic system triggers and then regulates emotional intensity before passing to the cerebral cortex (or rational mind) for logical processing. The amygdala uses our unique and personal emotional history - anything that has caused us passion, rage, pain or compassion to control the level of response. The left had side of the amygdala responds to vocal tonal qualities in the voice, and the right hand side to the 7,000 odd facial expressions within the human range.

19. As there is a fundamental need for children and young adults to belong and to feel a sense of value and lovableness The way they perceive adults to be treating them is fundamental to the kinds of emotions they are likely to experience. The way in which adults in school communicate with children can either help them feel they are of value and that they belong and as a consequence open neural-pathways to the prefrontal cortex - Or – can be perceived as a psychological axe which will trigger the amygdala to fire and they will: • Attack (anger) • Run away (anxiety) • Play dead (depression)

20. Amygdala triggers The amygdala has seven circuits • Seeking • Fear 999 • Care • Rage 999 • Panic and distress 999 • Rough and tumble play • Lust (but not in children) NB 999 circuits can override all other circuits and emotions unless self-regulating

21. Effects of intense emotions - Hormones released which effect mind and body: fear cortisol (regulates blood pressure) rage cortisol adrenalin - serotonin drops Panic / distress cortisol, (triggered by broken attachments) Seeking opiates, dopamine and serotonin Care prolactin, opiates, dopamine, oxytocin (Hormone associated with the ability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships and healthy psychological boundaries with other people). Rough-and- dopamine, opiates tumble play

22. Emotions as promoters or inhibitors of learning • Effective learning is dependent on reflection, drawing on previous experience/knowledge and then attempting to relate this to the present, so to shape future action and formulate new knowledge. Therefore given the knowledge we have a) the concerning figures re: ‘troubled children’… and b) the information relating to emotional intelligence, neuro- biology and emotional development…. ……what are the implications?

23. Good News • the brain has plasticity • It can be developed later in life …. but the wiring of the amygdala/limbic system/first brain has to be overcome and the neural pathways re-routed.

24. Development of the pre-frontal cortex • Depends on the regulating effect of family, teachers and experience • Emotional regulation takes the form of … touch … tone … eye contact • Nurturing, Positive messages, caring attitude, LOVE ensure that the receptors in the prefrontal cortex are developed and the pathways to the amygdala are connected

25. Remember! • shouting does not help it only makes things worse • attunement can dramatically help, it triggers the brain to signal the release of opiates, thus helping to calm the person down

26. The five competencies related to these can be taught: • Self awareness • Self-regulation • Motivation • Empathy • Social skills • Given that these are the basis for healthy, responsible living they are an essential component of every learner’s entitlement

27. Emotional development (i) • In addition to sharing and attuning with emotional states, children need to be taught to recognise and name emotions, to think about emotions and to think while they are experiencing emotions…… if this doesn’t happen, there is some important catching up to do • Through interaction with a ‘good enough’ parent infants first develop their sense of themselves in relation to and with the ‘key others’

28. To develop a healthy sense of self, children need to experience: …being safe, having boundaries, being valued and accepted, having basic needs cared for, knowing they are in safe hands, being noticed; ….experiencing their physical presence, action and feeling over time, experiencing continuity, exploring, trying out, testing, risking safely; ….exploring intentions and feelings, reading body language, intonation and gesture, sharing a focus of attention, recognising feeling states in themselves and others; …..symbolic play and creativity, recognising and using signs, being self reflective; developing relationships

29. Sharing emotions and feelings with an important ‘Other’ is vital • it is the experience of being ‘met’ of not being alone, alien or odd in one’s experience • it is possible in schools to allow for and to create opportunities for emotional responses to be shared • if a child does not feel he/she belongs then they will never feel included or safe

30. Emotional development • Another view is to look at a model of building blocks of experience that children and adults need to complete in order to fulfil themselves and their abilities • Needs and tasks that have not been addressed satisfactorily are recycled through life….. again the positive feature is that interrupted or missed or newly needed learning can happen at any time • Parents/carers are the crucial ‘others’. Early experiences are vital …but the learning continues into adolescence when the role and influence of the peer group and school takes precedence.

31. Emotional development • Try to develop better communication skills through discussion, debate and role play. • Help pupils to distinguish between thoughts and feelings. • Emphasise the importance of negotiation. • Encourage each pupil to value and respect the opinions of others. • Ask pupils from time-to-time to consider something from another person's point of view. • Don't judge, control or criticise others. • Encourage pupils to value reflection as a means of improving themselves and their work.

32. Emotional development • Label your feelings, rather than labelling people or situations: "I feel impatient." vs. "This is ridiculous." I feel hurt and bitter". vs. "You are an insensitive jerk." "I feel afraid." vs. "You are driving like a idiot.“ 2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings: Thoughts: I feel like...& I feel as if.... & I feel that Feelings: I feel: (feeling word) 3. Take more responsibility for your feelings. "I feel jealous." vs. "You are making me jealous

33. Emotional development 4. Use your feelings to help them make decisions: "How will I feel if I do this?" "How will I feel if I don't“ • Show respect for other people's feelings. Ask: "How will you feel if I do this?" "How will you feel if I don't.“ • Feel energized, not angry: Use what others call “anger" to help feel energized to take productive action.

34. Emotional development 7. Validate other people's feelings. Show empathy, Understanding, and acceptance of other people's feelings. 8. Practice getting a positive value from emotions. Ask yourself: "How do I feel?" and "What would help me feel better?“ Ask others "How do you feel?" and "What would help you feel better?“ 9. Don't advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture too others. Instead, try to just listen with empathy and non-judgment. 10. Avoid people who invalidate you. While this is not always possible, at least try to spend less time with them, or try to give them psychological power over you.

35. Developing Your EQ - Summary and Suggestions • Use three word sentences beginning with "I feel" • Start labelling feelings; stop labelling people & situations • Analyze your own feelings rather than the action or motives of other people • Ask others how they feel -- on scale of 0-10 • Make time to reflect on your feelings • Identify your fears and desires • Identify your UEN's (Unmet Emotional Needs) • Take responsibility for your emotions & happiness; Stop believing others cause your feelings; Don't expect others to "make" you happy • Express your feelings - find out who cares - spend time with them • Develop the courage to follow your own feelings

36. On Decision Making: Ask: how will I feel if I do... if I don't Ask: how do you feel & what would help you feel better (that is in your control)? Your "negative" feelings are expressions of your unmet emotional needs (UEN's). Each negative feeling has a positive value Awareness of your feelings is the key to self-knowledge. Self-knowledge is the key to self-improvement. All actions are motivated by feelings. Emotions put us in motion. We can always choose how we respond to an emotion. We are always in control. Feeling in control is empowering. Taking responsibility for our happiness is empowering.

37. On Relationships: Happiness is not just something you get out of a relationship, but also something you bring in. • Express your feelings. (First you must know them) • See who cares - allocate your time accordingly • Remember seek volunteers, not hostages • Mutual respect of feelings • Avoid toxic adults (invalidating, defensive, disrespecting, insecure, negative) – or try to change them!

38. Some "Feeling Words" accepted, rejected, abandoned, left out, criticized, lectured to, preached to, judged, discriminated against, mocked, appreciated, unappreciated, supported, unsupported, uncomfortable, optimistic, pessimistic, hopeless, discouraged, encouraged, afraid, respected, disrespected, motivated, unmotivated, free, controlled, obligated, burdened, needy, in control, out of control, validated, invalidated, competent, incompetent, jealous, sad, lonely, ignored, important, unimportant, proud, confident, worthy, deserving, unworthy, undeserving, excited, fulfilled, rewarded

39. Emotional intelligence ‘We ignore it at our peril’