Loser’s Defenses

1. Loser’s Defenses To identify defensive behaviors individuals use to keep themselves from losing.

2. Objectives: • To reinforce understanding of the hierarchy of Basic Human Needs. • To show how thinking you can’t leads to defensive behaviors. • To identify specific defensive behaviors. • To recognize the cost of defensive behaviors.

3. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs • Self-Actualization • Self-Esteem • Affiliation • Safety • Physiological

4. Activity • You will be working in 5 groups. Each group will take one area of Basic Human Needs and review it. • What does your area mean? • How to people meet this need? • Why is this need important?

5. Self-Esteem EXTERNALINTERNAL • “Big movement comes when you claim your self-esteem, bringing you closer to the internal end of the continuum. When a person is self-actualizing, they are operating on the internal end of the continuum. People often move back and forth along the continuum during their lives.”

6. When someone is on the external end, several things happened to lead them to develop an attitude that they can’t succeed. • First, they have not granted themselves permission to be human. They think that to be OK they have to do it “right”. Since nobody can ever do it right all the time, they are expecting the impossible.

7. Continued…… • Second, they are comparing themselves to others. They think that to be OK they have to do it better than other people. They cannot accept themselves as unique. They set themselves up to be losers by working to ‘measure up’ to others. • Third, everyone wants to be a winner, to succeed, and so feeling that you’re not going to measure up is uncomfortable. • Fourth, these people protect themselves by avoiding situations where they think they will lose.

8. Remember…some of the attitudes losers adopt! Blaming other people or things for what happens to them, telling themselves that ‘it’s not fair’ and the like. Since these people are afraid they can’t succeed, they take defensive actions to avoid situations in which they think they’ll fail.

9. Defenses • Don’t Play • Start and Don’t Finish (Quit) • Don’t Commit 100% • Destroy the Game • Class Clown • Get Sick • Use Inappropriate Behavior • Abuse Substances

10. DON’T PLAY • If you don’t play, how can anyone say you lost? • Example: A student who wants to play basketball but won’t out for fear of not making the team. What is the price of that? (Miss out on some fun, lose the chance to improve skills, waste chance to make new friends, etc)

11. START BUT DON’T FINISH • If you don’t finish, how can anybody say you did it wrong? • Example: A student who gets together all the materials and starts making a poster but is afraid it’s not going to turn out like the other ones in the class and gives up the project. What is the price? (lose the satisfactions of having completed the project, lose the grade, lose chance to improve skills, etc.)

12. DON’T COMMIT 100% • If you don’t give it much, you can always tell yourself that you’d have done better if you’d really wanted. • Example: A student who answers questions and fills out the submissions in class any old way just to get it over with, not really concentrating or putting in their best work. What is the price? (lower self-esteem, lower personal integrity, wastes changes to learn and improve skills, waste time, etc)

13. DESTROY THE GAME • If you break up the game, you can always say you would have done well if you had finished. The people who use this defense create a problem so whatever activity is going on can’t be completed. They are so afraid of losing, they keep everyone from participating and succeeding. There are various ways to ‘end the game’.

14. DESTROY THE GAME Class Clown: • You make a joke out of the activity. You give silly answers to questions. You do things that are inappropriate to get others to laugh. These people use humor to manipulate others off the subject so what’s going on can’t be completed. They do this to get attention because they can’t get the attention they want in an appropriate way. • Example: A student in this class who fills out a class assignment sheet with silly responses that are not really meeting the intent of the activity. What’s the price? admitting to the world you don’t know how to get attention in an appropriate way, external self-esteem, lower personal integrity, etc)

15. DESTROY THE GAME Inappropriate behavior: • If you use inappropriate behavior to disrupt a project, you can always say you could have done it. These people leave their homework on the bus; start a fight; get off the subject; don’t pay attention; act like they don’t understand what to do; talk while a teacher is talking, etc. • Example: A student who doesn’t want their new step-family to be happy because that would somehow justify their parent’ divorce picks on the new family members to make sure the new family won’t get along together. What’s the price? (lives in an unhappy home, can’t form new close relationships, jeopardizes parents’ support, etc.)

16. DESTROY THE GAME Getting Sick: • Sometimes these people get sick, pretend sickness, or actually make themselves ill. They want sympathy. People can’t expect much of you if you’re sick. • Example: A girl has a first date with someone she wants to go out with but she’s so afraid she won’t do the right thing or that he might end up not liking her that she gets sick before or during the date. What’s the price? (spoiled a pleasant evening, missed chance of a new relationship, etc)

17. DESTROY THE GAME Abusing Substances: • There are people who avoid losing by abusing substances such as alcohol and drugs or even food. They do it to avoid a situation in which they’re afraid of losing. • Example: A boy under a lot of parental pressure to do very well at school and get into college fears he won’t do well enough to measure up to his parents’ expectations. He cops out on drugs, thinking they’ll blame the drugs instead of him. What’s the price? destroyed chances of success, drug and or alcohol in control of him, etc).

18. SUCCESSisNot being THE bestbut doing YOUR best!(Plus a little bit extra :~)