WhAT WE DID During Our Summer Vacation…the ASCA COnference

1. Lori Carroll and Laura Votipka WhAT WE DID During Our Summer Vacation…the ASCA COnference

2. Some notes: • The only thing that makes us equal is that we have the same 24 hours. The question is – What are you going to do with it? • Live to your imagination, not your environment. Disconnect from the bad. Take the good. Stop settling. • If you have no identity- bored, no focus, no motivation, give up when you see no point. • Internal + External =Maximum potential. Internal – clarity and alignment (life brand, what sets you apart) • Success is living a fully engaged life. • The value you give yourself is directly related to value other people give you. • Need process for continuous development • “The Race” • http://stedmangraham.com/ • His book “Teens Can Make It Happen” Some notes-Stedman Graham

3. Nine Steps Success Process: • Check your ID (Know Yourself!) strengths, weaknesses, patterns of behavior • Create Your Vision (Your Life’s Destination) Without vision, people perish. The best way to predict your future is to prepare it. • Develop Your Travel Plan (Prepare for the future) Begin to work – assert power over your life • Master The Rules of the Road (Your Guiding Principles) Honesty, Hard Work, Determination, Positive Attitude and Energy. “Attitude is Altitude” • Step In to Outer Limits (Overcoming Your Fears) Staying the same is standing still. Change means risk. Fear of the unknown is the greatest obstacle. • Pilot The Season of Change (Be flexible) 10% what happens. 90% what we do with it. • Build Your Dream Team (Create a Support Team) Include people who CARE about you. You can do more with a team than by yourself. • Win By A Decision (Make Good Choices) • Commit to Your Vision (Stay Focused) Commitment is something you renew. Doing rather than saying Featured Speaker – Stedman Graham

4. http://multivu.prnewswire.com/mnr/adcouncil/50081/ • http://www.schoolcounselor.org/content.asp?contentid=182 Somewhere Over the Rainbow Lisa Koenecke, School Counselor River Bluff MS, Wisconsin

5. Elementary to Middle School School Tours for 5th grade Students by 6th grade Students Counselor & 6th grad students conduct Assembly for 5th grade 5th grade Classroom visits by Middle School Counselors (C.R.) Information Night for Parents with School Tours by Students Middle to High School Classroom visits by MS & HS Counselors with students from ROTC, AVID, CISCO, and other programs to be showcased School Tours for 8th gr. Students by 9th gr. Students during Course Selection Night at the H.S. Student Transition Programs

6. Elementary to Middle School Careful Matching coordinated with 5th & 6th gr. Teachers/Counselors Four Program Events: Training for 6th grade Mentors (not the super stars) Getting to Know You Worksheet (age, sibs, hobbies, best about MS/most nervous about MS, other places you’ve lived, favorite, summer plans, etc.) Personal Tours of Middle School (1 Mentor/1 Mentee) Ice Cream Social with the Principal (also AP and Counselors, if available) Certificates presented to Mentors by Principal Mentoring Programs for Transition

7. Middle to High School Careful matching coordinated between Middle and H.S. Counselors, Sped Dept. and S2S (Student to Student) Program Four Program Events: Training for 6th grade Mentors (not the super stars) Getting to Know You Worksheet (best about HS/most nervous about HS, hobbies/interests (Clubs), other places you’ve lived, favorite, summer plans, etc.) Personal Tours of High School (1 Mentor/1 Mentee) Ice Cream Social with the S2S Students (also Counselors, if available) Mentoring Programs for Transition

8. http://didyouknow.tv/did-you-know-video-4/ • 8% of companies fired someone for what was on their social networking • 83% of job recruiters doing searches before interviewing – and eliminate 43% of applicants • College admissions are looking! • 20% of teens age 13-19 have sent nude/semi-nude pics/txts • 40% have received such texts • 40% of kids have seen something not directed to them Students and Their Internet Reputation CatherinELamb, Grad Student, Chapman University

9. Use the piano bench method, sit beside them and ask them to show you – don’t hoover, don’t demand. Teach how to use wisely. • Delete pics/texts. Do not share login info. View profile from outside perspective. • Have students search themselves, build positive reputations, have professional email addresses. • Resources: “The Smart Parents Guide to Facebook” http://www.smartparentbook.com/about.html • http://webwisekids.org/ Suggestions:

10. INJJA “It’s Not Just Joking Around” • It’s not just the mean things done, also the omission of compassion – the nice things you don’t do. • Never Say “Ignore the bullies and walk away.” “It’s Jealousy” “Consider the source and rise above it” “Twenty years from now this won’t matter” To a Kid, the future is after school. Kids can’t think like adults, they are not emotionally mature enough General Session Speaker: Jodee BlancoAuthor of “Please Stop Laughing at Me…One Woman’s Inspirational Story”

11. Sit down in a neutral location – not behind a table or desk • Sit straight, maintain eye contact • Say “I don’t know how you feel. It must be awful. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” Take the role of an advocate. Listen w/o judgment/interjection. Take immediate action. Take a risk for the child. • Let’s talk about an action we can do together today to help you face the challenge of bullying you’re facing. • Get student a list of activities in the next town over and have them circle what they’re interested in. This gives them a lifeline, more confidence and buys you time. • Sit down with the parents • DON’T chastise the bully in front of the class. Traditional punishment doesn’t work, it makes an angry student angrier. • With another teacher say to the bully “We care about you. We are glad you are here. We have noticed you picking on classmates. What’s wrong? How can we help? We don’t know how you feel. Listen to them speak. • Try asking them to do acts of kindness daily for a week to different students. Inspire compassion • http://www.jodeeblanco.com/survival.htm What to do/say:

12. http://loveisnotabuse.com/web/guest;jsessionid=168C057887BF17FB360ABCC0D779E80Chttp://loveisnotabuse.com/web/guest;jsessionid=168C057887BF17FB360ABCC0D779E80C • 1 in 3 teens is in an abusive relationship • 1 in 2 of all 14-24 year olds have been the target of digital abuse • Lesson 1 – What is Dating Abuse? If someone loves you they will empower/encourage/lift you up, not point out your faults. • Lesson 2- Pattern of Abuse • Lesson 3- Digital Abuse • Lesson 4- Ending Teen Dating Abuse • Be supportive. I’m concerned. You don’t deserve this. Open body language. Talk to them many times. Not your fault. Develop safety plans. Don’t put down the abuser (natural to defend). • Resources: http://www.helpfixthehurt.org/index.htmlhttp://www.elinstebbinswaldal.com/about-the-book/ • Book suggestion for adults Love Is Not Abuse Bobbi Sudberry, AZ State Action Leader Love Is Not Abuse Coalition

13. In a nutshell, the two – while both considered to be Impulse Disorders (along with alcohol & substance abuse, shoplifting and eating disorders) – are opposites. • The suicidal individual seeks to end his or her life and painful feelings • The student who self-mutilates seeks to feel better and, usually, is crying out for help. The student involved in Repetitive Self-Mutilation (RSM) achieves some gratification by the behavior, which is why it becomes addictive and repetitive. As they cut or burn themselves, the brain secretes endorphins that are natural anti-depressants. We want to ask “Doesn’t that hurt?”, but an individual who is actively self-mutilating reports, instead, feelings of relief, release, calm and/or satisfaction. Differentiating self-harm from suicide

14. Although RSM is generally considered to be the opposite of a suicide attempt, we must be vigilant. • RSM is characteristically associated with girls, however boys do self-harm also. • Boys who attempt suicide are 6 times more likely to succeed at ending their lives than girls who attempt suicide. • The time of greatest risk, for any student with RSM behaviors, is at times of crisis when their coping skills are low. This is where we can intervene, with appropriate interventions including risk assessment (ALWAYS ask about current or past physical or sexual abuse), strengthening coping skills and making referrals. Is it a suicide attempt?

15. After 3 minutes of looking at a fashion magazine, 75% of teens are depressed, guilty & shameful • 1 in 4 girls have gone further sexually than they wanted to due to pressure • 92% of teens want to change the way they look • 74% of girls feel under pressure to please everyone • “Girl Talk”is a mentoring program which teaches girls to be leaders. It’s free and can be found at http://www.desiretoinspire.org/ . After participation in the program girls showed academic improvement: 14% in math, 24% in language arts. • “Why Do They Act That Way?” by Dr. David Walsh • “The Female Brain” by Dr. LouannBrizendine Girl Power Kara Friedman, School Counselor, GA

16. We all know the power of story-telling and personal story writing as therapeutic interventions. While we seem to have less and less time with students, and also do need to be careful about appropriateness in the school setting (small groups with specific informed consents, or part of a Drama class), the following texts have proven powerful: The Uses of Enchantment - Bruno Bettelheim Stories for the Third Ear – Women Who Run With the Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola-Estes Reviving Ophelia – Mary Pipher Savvy cinderellas

17. Neat Things from the Conference Vendors: Breathing Ball Girl Games Senate Youth Program Study Abroad Programs Books RE: Deployment and other special topics “Be Brilliant” stress balls Meeting ‘Patty Duke’! Games, gadgets and programs

18. If you’re testing next week, stay cool