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Disciplining Our Kids

Disciplining Our Kids. CARE Group March 2013. Today’s Topic. Three Easy Steps to Effective Discipline. My Kids. 1. Why Discipline?. Because God is a God of discipline and we want our kids to follow Him. 1. Why Discipline?.

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Disciplining Our Kids

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  1. Disciplining Our Kids CARE Group March 2013

  2. Today’s Topic Three Easy Steps to Effective Discipline

  3. My Kids

  4. 1. Why Discipline? Because God is a God of discipline and we want our kids to follow Him

  5. 1. Why Discipline? Because God is a God of discipline and we want our kids to follow Him Heb 12 5 And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don’t make light of the LORD’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you.

  6. 1. Why Discipline? Because God is a God of discipline and we want our kids to follow Him Heb 12 6 For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.” 7 As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father?

  7. 1. Why Discipline? Because God is a God of discipline and we want our kids to follow Him Heb 12 8 If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all.

  8. 1. Why Discipline? Because God is a God of discipline and we want our kids to follow Him Heb 12 9 Since we respected our earthly fathers who disciplined us, shouldn’t we submit even more to the discipline of the Father of our spirits, and live forever?

  9. 1. Why Discipline? Because God is a God of discipline and we want our kids to follow Him Heb 12 10 For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness.

  10. 1. Why Discipline? Because God is a God of discipline and we want our kids to follow Him Heb 12 11 No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way

  11. Tedd Tripp God calls you to exercise authority, not in making your children do what you want, but in being true servants –authorities who lay down our lives. Shepherding A Child’s Heart, p. xviii

  12. Tedd Tripp The purpose for your authority in the lives of your children is not to hold them under your power but to be self-controlled people living freely under the authority of God. Shepherding A Child’s Heart, p. xviii

  13. 1. Why Discipline? Because our kids need and want it They need it because they are sinners

  14. James Dobson The tendency to do wrong was transmitted genetically (Psalm 51:5). It has infected every person who ever lived… A child is naturally inclined towards rebellion, selfishness, dishonesty, aggression, exploitation, and greed. Parenting Isn’t For Cowards, pp. 200-201

  15. James Dobson He does not have to be taught these behaviors. They are inevitable expressions of his humanness. Parenting Isn’t For Cowards, pp. 200-201

  16. 1. Why Discipline? Because our kids need and want it They need it because they are sinners They will be happier, both now and long-term

  17. James Dobson It is the ultimate paradox of childhood that youngsters want to be led, but insist that their parents earn the right to lead them. Dare to Discipline, p.21

  18. James Dobson Quoting Susannah Wesley: [When parents] neglect timely correction, [children] will contract a stubbornness and obstinacy which is hardly ever after conquered, and never without using such severity as would be painful to me as to the children. Parenting Isn’t For Cowards, p. 89

  19. James Dobson In the esteem of the world, those who withhold timely correction would pass for kind, indulgent parents, whom I call cruel parents, who permit their children to get habits which they know must afterward be broken. Parenting Isn’t For Cowards, p. 89

  20. Prov. 19:18 – Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.

  21. Prov 5 12 You will say, “How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction! 13 I would not obey my teachers or turn my ear to my instructors. 14 And I was soon in serious trouble in the assembly of God’s people.” 22 The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them; the cords of their sins hold them fast. 23 For lack of discipline they will die, led astray by their own great folly.

  22. 1. Why Discipline? Because our kids need and want it They need it because they are sinners They will be happier, both now and long-term Their relationship with us and with others will be better • E.g. Samson

  23. Tedd Tripp As a school administrator, I observe that most parents do not understand the appropriateness and necessity of being in charge in their child’s life. Shepherding A Child’s Heart, p. 32

  24. Tedd Tripp Rather, parents take the role of adviser… By the time the child is 6 or 8 or 10, he is his own boss. By age 13 the child is out of control. Shepherding A Child’s Heart, p. 32

  25. Ernest W. Swihart Jr., Patrick Cotter First strive to earn your child’s respect, and love will usually follow – not the other way around. The Manipulative Child, p. 126

  26. 2. Barriers to Discipline Guilt – I feel disqualified to discipline (e.g. David) Family upbringing Emotional energy Confusion

  27. Amazon.com Review for “Parenting Isn’t For Cowards” This book recommends parenting behavior such as hitting children, which is NOT the advice most Christian Counselors would give to parents… http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Isnt-Cowards-Americas-Best-Loved/product-reviews/1414317468/ref=cm_cr_dp_synop?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending#R1OOFDGUGQGVEN

  28. Amazon.com Review for “Parenting Isn’t For Cowards” This book does not do an adequate job of explaining the real truth of God's word for parenting children... it simply takes the advice to hit your kids and gives you some excuses to make you feel better about doing it. http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Isnt-Cowards-Americas-Best-Loved/product-reviews/1414317468/ref=cm_cr_dp_synop?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending#R1OOFDGUGQGVEN

  29. 3. Practical steps Read Decide steps ahead of time and which battles you will fight Keep your emotional energy level high Relationship with God Relationship with spouse Relationships with others

  30. 3. Practical steps Beware the temptation to excuse their behavior

  31. James Dobson One should never underestimate a child’s awareness that he is breaking the rules. Dare to Discipline, p. 42

  32. 3. Practical steps What we do Say “No” Stop-Pause-Redirect

  33. 3. Practical steps What we do Say “No” Stop-Pause-Redirect Timeouts or putting them in their rooms Spanking – for defiance

  34. Susan Yates Some parents have found a spanking spoon or a switch to be more effective than the hand. I always used the hand because I could never find the others when they were needed. And Then I Had Kids, p. 106

  35. Susan Yates The tool does not make that much difference. The punishment does. Unfortunately, some have taught that spanking is unloving and unwise. In fact, it is just the opposite. A two-year-old will not fully understand adult reasoning. And Then I Had Kids, p. 106

  36. Susan Yates He’s not supposed to! He will, however, get the message that the spanking will bring. His bad behavior brought unpleasant consequences. And Then I Had Kids, p. 106

  37. Susan Yates Spanking is helpful because it clearly communicates, it is swift, then it is over. When it is over, a big hug offers reassurance. Spanking can be a positive force in teaching self-discipline and obedience… And Then I Had Kids, p. 106

  38. Susan Yates Our children know when they are disobedient, and a swift spanking may be painful for the moment, but it is also temporary. And Then I Had Kids, p. 106

  39. Susan Yates A swift consequence enables the issue to be forgotten and prevents resentment from being built up. And Then I Had Kids, p. 106

  40. 3. Practical steps What we do Spanking – for defiance • Hug immediately afterwards • Kids can tell the difference between hitting and spanking • Never spank in anger Discipline in public?

  41. 3. Practical steps Apologize Connect with your kids Daily Weekly time with each kid Talk to other parents

  42. Ernest W. Swihart Jr., Patrick Cotter To judge the merits of someone’s pronouncements about childrearing, use what you see in families that are doing well. The Manipulative Child, p. 80

  43. 3. Practical steps NEED TO BE UNDER GRACE!

  44. 3. Practical steps NEED TO BE UNDER GRACE!

  45. Discipling Our Kids • Questions? • Comments? • Experiences? • chris.risley@gmail.com

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