Emotional Intelligence Presented by: Dr. Brenda Joy Atchison

1. Emotional IntelligencePresented by:Dr. Brenda Joy Atchison Knowledge is knowing the world, wisdom is knowing yourself (unknown)

2. Icebreaker • My name is ____________________ • My most impactful learning experience was when________________________

3. Forerunners of EQ 1870 Charles Darwin first modern book on the role of EQ Edward Thorndike 1920’s “social intelligence” David Wechsler 1940 sought to include social and affective abilities in general intelligence Albert Ellis 1955 Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy 1983 Howard Gardner “ multiple intelligences” Reuven Bar-On coined EQ

4. Background (cont.) Mayer, Salovy, Caruso developed MSCEIT The EQi was formally published in 1997 The Multi Health System in cooperation with Bar-On tested 42,000 people in 36 countries for the research validity and reliability Among the top three ethnic groups, average overall scores varied by less than 5% EQ is not the same as personality

5. Emotional Intelligence Emotional Intelligence is mastering the combination of personal (managing yourself) and social competencies (managing your relationships) and exhibiting them with venue specific appropriateness . (Atchison, 2007)

6. EQ vs. IQ • IQ measures cogitative intelligence • EQ measures affective intelligence • IQ is pretty much set. It peaks around 17 and remains constant throughout adulthood. • EQ is not fixed, it rises after the teen years and only tapers slightly after 50

7. EQ vs IQ • How much of success in life can be attributed to IQ vs EQ? • Discuss

8. Moral Reasoning Kohlberg

9. Raising your EQ • Be aware of your emotions • Regulate your emotions • Motivate yourself • Cultivate and practice empathy • Manage relationships

10. Deadly vs Connecting Seven Habits Criticizing Blaming Complaining Nagging Threatening Punishing Rewarding Control Listening Respecting Trusting Encouraging Accepting Supporting Always negotiating disagreements

11. Emotional Learning System Self Assessment: Explore(intentional assessment habit ( inquiring, discovering, questioning) Self Awareness: Identify (distinguishing between thought and feeling) Self Knowledge: Understand ( gain insight into behaviors and make choices) Self Development: Learn (learn ways to improve behavior) Self Improvement: Apply/Model (practice EI desired behavior) (Nelson & Low,2003) (Nelson & Low,2003)

12. Decision Making usingChoice Theory (Glasser) Basic needs: survival, belonging, power, freedom, fun Maslow) All people can do is behave All behavior is purposeful All behaviors are chosen to achieve wants The chosen behavior is one’s best attempt to meet the need

13. Practicing EQ • Complaints to request • Stop perpetrations • Managing anger • Practicing empathy • Raising EQ

14. ESAP 4 Dimensions • Interpersonal (assertive communication, anxiety management and control) • Self Management ( Time management, drive strength, commitment ethic, positive change orientation) • Leadership (Comfort, empathy, decision making, positive influence) • Intrapersonal ( Stress management, self-esteem)

15. Complaints to Request • Write down a complaint that you have about someone • Turn that complaint into a request • Choose a partner Explain the situation and present your request • Ask for Get feedback on your request • Revise if necessary and present it to one other person

16. Anger Management • Step 1.When you experience frustration, annoyance, jealousy, say to yourself “I am angry” • Step 2.Once you have accurately identified the emotion, say to yourself “I create my own anger” ..angry thinking • Step 3.After you realize that you are making yourself angry, say “I accept responsibility for my anger” • Step 4.Ask yourself” How do I want to express this anger in a way that I can feel good about? • Step 5.Ask yourself if you need outside help. (Nelson & Low, 2011)

17. Stop perpetrations • The Goal: to abstain from hypocritical communication designed to damage the spirit of others • Example Information you would not want a person to know you said • You would not want it on the front page of the paper attributed to you. • You would not say it to the persons face • You are embarrassed or uneasy around the person knowing what you said. • The thoughts or actions serve no constructive purpose.

18. Perpetrations (cont.) • Practice: Think about at least one person against whom you have perpetrated? Reflect on what you felt (circle it on your feeling chart. • Commit to stop and refuse to pass on negative information/office gossip.

19. Forms of Empathy • cognitive empathy—we recognize what another person is feeling • emotional empathy—we actually feel what the person is feeling, • compassionate empathy—we want to help the person deal with their situation and emotions.

20. Acting with Empathy • Preserve dignity and avoid dishonor. • Engage in a discourseto understand his point of view and to determine his specific needs. Throughout the dialogue keep in mind Remember: You are responsible for your choices and actions.

21. Practicing Empathy If I took responsibility for every feeling I experience and for every word I utter___________________ (HBR,2003)

22. Anyone can become angry-that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and the right way-this is not easy Aristotle

23. Q&A