Barrington H. Brennen

1. Troubled Families Barrington H. Brennen The Winning Way South England Camp Meeting June 11 to 16, 2012

2. Kinds of Families/Unions in Your Church • Nuclear family • One married partner with dependant children while one spouse is in prison • Never-married single adult families with children • Divorced with no children • Divorced with dependent children • Separated with dependent children • Separated with no children • Widowed with dependent children • Widowed with children • Step and blended families • Extended families. Adult relatives living with children • Grandparent with dependent children • Teenager with young siblings

3. Kinds of Families/Unions in Your Church • Common-law families • Seasonal (nomadic) unions One partner lives in another country • Emotionally separated or divorced unions • Affair-compromised unions • Same sex unions • Spiritually singles One spouse is not an Adventist • Transsexual unions • Multi-remarriage unions – One or both partner married and divorced as least two times • Mixed couples: Ethnical, racial, national, cultural, or language difference Is your church meeting the need of these families. You may not know that all of these families are in your church, however, the church’s ministry must be sensitive to the possibility all of these families are worshipping at your church.

4. Emotional Characteristics of Troubles Families • Where there is more emphasis on who is in charge than having loving relationships • Where parents are very very strict – inflexible, rigid • Where there are little or no rules/boundaries – overly flexible • Where there is a “lion king” father or mother • Where the television/media dominates times • Where there is an over exposure to sex • Where is little or no bids for connection – disconnected • Where there is too much connection- overly connected, enmeshment • Where there is some for of addiction: gambling, alcohol, drugs, sex, love • Where there are lots of criticizing, shaming and blaming

5. Spiritual Characteristics of Troubled Adventist Families • A good image is more important than having a genuine relationship with Christ • Duplicitous lifestyle: Parents are holy in church but sinners at home • Hypocrisy is considered to be healthy • A misinterpretation of: • Proverbs 13:24 “He who spares his rod hats his son . . .” • Ephesians 5:23 “For the husband is the head of the wife . . .” • Isaiah 58:13 “From doing your pleasure on My holy day . . .” • Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord.” • Keeping the Sabbath and being a vegetarian is so rigidly enforced it blurs the face of a loving Savior • Abuse and divorce among Adventist are as common as the world.

6. The Basics • We are all (male and female) made in God’s image • Put God (not the church) first in everything • Jesus is the head of your home • Daily devotions and prayer • Relationship are more important than rules • Rules without relationship breed chaos • Lots of touching, loving, sharing, forgiving • Discipline is a lifestyle, attitude, environment, and not a simple action • Love everyone unconditionally • Happy, health families realize that a good relationship is not a gift but an achievement. • Every family member is free to act and think independently • Pares are to demonstrate love in and out of the home.

7. Our Greatest Need Our greatest need is to have a close, loving and open relationship with Jesus