Post-divorce daily life of parents: a comparison between single mothers and co-parents

1. Post-divorce daily life of parents: a comparison between single mothers and co-parents Wilma Bakker and Lia KarstenUniversity of Amsterdam

2. Introduction • Daily life has become more complicated • Balancing act of dual earners extensively studied • Previous research: Consequences of divorce on: • children’s well-being • the parent-child relationship • single mothers economic circumstances

3. Research question How do single mothers and co-parents shape and coordinate post-divorce life, with what result and how to explain the differences?

4. Post-divorce living arrangements Arrangement with a single mother (75%): children stay 2 to 6 nights a month with their father Co-parenting arrangement (15%): children stay at least 12 nights a month with each parent The living arrangement gives shape to a major part of daily life of the divorced family

5. Theory: shaping post-divorce life Life-course approach (Giddens,1991): • People are actively involved in shaping their own life • People have multiple social identities • In face of their identities people develop commitments

6. Theory: shaping post-divorce life • Commitment: Life choice with long-term consequences • Shaping daily life can be seen as a trade-off between commitments

7. Theory: coordinating everyday life • Coordinating everyday life is about balancing all responsibilities and activities • An absolute distinction between the work, care and leisure domain does not exist

8. Figure 1. Three overlapping life domains source: Karsten, 1995 The more responsibilities have to be combined in the same time, the more constraints will be experienced

9. Qualitative data: 18 individual in-depth interviews with survey-respondents of the Netherlands Kinship Panel Study (NKPS) 8 co-parents (3 men & 5 women), 10 single mothers Semi-structured, 60-100 minutes Methods

10. Results: post-divorce daily life • Cyclical element of the post-divorce living arrangement shapes everyday life • Cyclical element based on the commuting rhythm • Days with the children & days without the children

11. Results: post-divorce daily life Example of a two-weekly cycle of a single mother:

12. Results: post-divorce daily life Examples of two-weekly cycles of co-parents:

13. Results: daily life of single mothers Responsibilities: • in the care domain • in the work domain Support of others is necessary: • child care support • financial support

14. “I don’t know how I would have survived without my parents. Formal childcare was not an option. I could not afford it. I work 22 hours a week, in the care sector and my wage is low. So one day I said to my ex-partner: ‘You have to give us more alimony or you have to take care of the children more often, because I don’t know how to fix this anymore’. But of course he did not listen”. (Daphne, a single mother with two teenaged children).

15. Results: daily life of single mothers Constraints: • Impossible to be there for the children as much as they want to • Feel obliged to be available for the children during work time • Only personal leisure time when the children stay with their father

16. “Last year I realized that I had to work more hours to improve our financial situation. So I had to work four days a week. I said to my daughter: ‘This implies that you have to be on your own for a few hours after school on a daily basis’. Of course she did not like that, neither did I.” (Maria, single mother with an 11-year-old daughter)

17. Results: daily life of single mothers Constraints: • Impossible to be there for the children as much as they want to • Feel obliged to be available for the children during work time • Only personal leisure time when the children stay with their father

18. “When something unexpected happens I have to be at home or at school really fast. Recently one of my children was injured during gym class. I was present in a few minutes. My colleagues know I’m a single mom and that I do not have a back up at home.” (Karin, single mother with three sons)

19. Results: daily life of single mothers Constraints: • Impossible to be there for the children as much as they want to • Feel obliged to be available for the children during work time • Only personal leisure time when the children stay with their father

20. “Every day which I am not working, every holiday, I spent with my children. Sometimes they are sick, sometimes we go on holiday, we are going out, or we have to see the dentist. All my personal free time is about the children. Except for the weekends the children stay with their father. (Beth, single mother with two daughters)

21. Results: daily life of co-parents • Responsibilities: - in the work domain - in the care domain • Two-weakly cycle: One week they can be there for the children as much as they want to The other week is dedicated to work and personal leisure time

22. “When the children stay with me I work less hours and I also stay home in the evening. Of course I could arrange a babysitter. But the other week, when the children stay with their mom, I can do all the things I want. So when they stay with me I want to be there, exclusively for my children.” (Frank, a co-parent with four sons)

23. “It’s a whole different world. It is quite schizophrenic; one half of the week I am head of a one-parent family. The other half of the week I am a single man. That is a big difference. Both situations can not be compared to a normal nuclear family.” (Jack, a co-parent with a son and a daughter)

24. Main conclusion Beside the traditional group of single mothers, who experience a lot of constraints in combining work, care and leisure in daily life, there is a growing group of co-parents, who better succeed in balancing daily life In a co-parenting arrangement half of the time a boundary exists, both in space and time, between the parent and his or her children