How to help Workshop: Children of divorce

1. How to help Workshop:Children of divorce Maddison Davis School Counseling Services

2. Overview • Statistics • Divorce in America • Are the Children At Risk? • Affects on Children • How Can You Tell A Child is Hurting? • Parental Reactions • How Should A School Counselor React? • Advice for Parents • Activity: Letter to Parents

3. Statistics: Divorce in America • 1 million + children feel the effects of their parents’ divorce every year • Nowadays: • 50% of marriages end in divorce • 60 % of second marriages end in divorce

4. Statistics: Are the Children At Risk? • Studies show that divorce may negatively affect the children later on in life • They are more likely to: • have trouble with commitment and intimacy as adults • have negative attitudes towards love and marriage • develop a variety of psychosomatic symptoms • exhibit a decrease in school performance • experience depression • show signs of behavior difficulties • get a divorce themselves

5. How Divorce Affects Children • 0-3 year olds • Can show irritability, increased crying, fearfulness, sleep problems, separation anxiety, regression, and aggression • 4-5 year olds • Can become clingy, act out, show fear of abandonment, have nightmares more frequently • 6-12 year olds • May show more aggression, act out, have more mood swings, feel rejected by the “secondary” parent, have decrease in school performance • Adolescents • Can have decreased self-esteem, experience more relationship problems, engage in substance abuse and inappropriate sexual behaviors, experience depression, delinquent behavior • At all ages • The children may try to play one parent against the other They also may feel guilty—like the divorce was their fault—and feel that they should try to restore the marriage

6. How Can You Tell If A Child Is Hurting? • Children may come in or be sent to your office because they… • Become oppositional and defiant • Experience their own relationship difficulties • Show a decrease in academic performance or behavioral conduct • Engage in substance abuse behaviors • Develop eating disorders • Withdraw from family and friends • In an attempt to bring his or her parents back together, a child may • Act out • Be “the perfect child”

7. Parental Reactions Mother is more likely to Father is more likely to • overreact to daily stressors • consume more alcohol • seek out mental health services for depression or anxiety • become more distant feeling pushed away • abuse alcohol or other substances • develop depression or anxiety

8. How Should You React As A Counselor? • With students: • Always have an open-door • Offer ideas for healthy displacement • If a student is upset, offer alternative ways for looking at each situation • It is incredibly important for a counselor to not choose sides with either parent, but to instead choose the student’s side

9. Advice for Parents • Encourage children to maintain a positive relationship with both parents • Maintain a stable routine • Don’t bash the “other” parent in front of or to your children • Don’t lean on your child for emotional support • Make sure your children are surrounded by a supportive network of friends and family • Above all else: LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU WILL STILL BE THEIR PARENTS

10. Activity! • Letter to Parents

11. References • http://counselingcorner.net/parents/divorce.html • http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/110/5/1019.full • http://www.cadivorce.com/california-divorce-guide/parenting-through-divorce/activities-to-help-children-with-divorce/http://www.boyertownasd.org/Page/1208

12. Thank You!