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Academic writing i. Class 23 May 21, 2013. Today. Academic style continued “Waste Management” – taking out the trash . Source: commons.wikimedia.org. Taking out the trash.
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Academic writing i Class 23 May 21, 2013
Today Academic style continued “Waste Management” – taking out the trash Source: commons.wikimedia.org
Taking out the trash In the class that we are going to hold on this day, it is my plan that we, as a class, will look at an issue which is common in writing fairly often; I want to talk about and discuss the issue of ‘wordiness’. Today, we will examine a common issue, wordiness.
Wordiness Conciseness is important in both academic and business writing. - Concise writing expresses ideas without unnecessary wordiness. Wordiness: - Increases the length of your work without adding meaning. - Makes writing more difficult to understand.
Wordiness Example 1: The reason why Dave came to Success College was because it is inexpensive in price. 2 issues: 1. The words reason, why, and because all express the same idea. 2. Saying something is inexpensive includes the idea of price.
Wordiness Example 1: The reason why Dave came to Success College was because it is inexpensive in price. Concisely: Dave came to Success College because it is inexpensive.
Wordiness Example 2: Despite the fact that she was feeling ill, Ann came to the conclusion that she would go to work. 2 issues: 1. ‘Despite the fact that’ is just a long way of saying ‘despite’. 2. ‘Came to the conclusion that’ is a long way of saying decided.
Wordiness Example 2: Despite the fact that she was feeling ill, Ann came to the conclusion that she would go to work. Concisely: Despite feeling ill, Ann decided to go to work.
Wordiness In my opinion, I think the study of Sociology is very fascinating. - This sentence can be cut down to three words: Sociology is fascinating.
Wordiness In my opinion, I think the study of Sociology is very fascinating. Sociology is fascinating. - In my opinion and I think just repeat the same idea. - Fascinating is clearly a judgment, so there is no need to include either ‘I think’ or ‘In my opinion’. - Sociology includes the idea of studying it, so the study of is redundant. - Fascinating can be defined as very interesting, so adding very is unnecessary.
Some simple examples All of the following examples are wordy. • Why is each wordy? • How can each be written concisely?
1. The stegosaurus was huge in size. - The stegosaurus was huge. 2. Now she is at school. • - She is at school. 3. He was happy and joyful about the great gift. • - He was happy about the gift. 4. Because of the fact that he got a good grade on the midterm, Tim decided to take the night off. • - Because he got a good grade on the midterm, Tim took the night off. 5. In the summer season, many Vancouverites like to picnic in Stanley Park. • - In the summer, many Vancouverites like to picnic in Stanley Park. 6. On January 14, in the middle of winter, the weather was freezing cold. • - On January 14, the weather was freezing.
7. I think smoking in public places should be banned. • - Smoking in public should be banned. 8. In order to get the true facts of the case, the lawyer interviewed 4 witnesses. • - To get the facts, the lawyer interviewed 4 witnesses. 9. Furthermore, Henry VIII also married six different women. • - Henry VIII also married six women. 10. Redundancy is defined as unnecessary repetition. • - Redundancy is unnecessary repetition. 11. New Westminster, which was British Columbia’s first capital city, is located on the shores of the Fraser River. • - New Westminster, British Columbia’s first capital city, is located along the Fraser River. 12. The computer is sitting on top of the table. • - The computer is on the table.
Common Causes of Wordiness W = wordy C = concise Use of vague words which need explanation instead of precise words. W: She talked to him in a loud angry voice. C: She yelled at him. W: The crime wave had some bad results that cost people a lot of money. C: The crime wave had some costly results.
Common Causes of Wordiness Use of long expressions instead of individual words W: to come to the conclusion that C: to decide W: to put forward the idea that C: to suggest i.e., The president put forward the idea that the meeting be extended. The president suggested that the meeting be extended.
Common Causes of Wordiness Repetitive wording: end result past experience share in common small in size = end = past = share = small
Common Causes of Wordiness Repetitive wording: made a discovery made an attempt made an accusation made an appearance made a decision = discovered = attempted = accused = appeared = decided
Common Causes of Wordiness Repetitive wording, or words that provide excessive detail W: Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the intellectual activity of learning the rules of playing chess. C: Imagine someone attempting to learn the rules of chess.
Common Causes of Wordiness Over-use of “it” and “there” as meaningless subjects W: It was exciting to go to the New Year celebrations. C: The New Year celebrations were exciting. W: There were thirty-four people in the room who were waiting for the mayor. C: Thirty-four people in the room were waiting for the mayor.
Common Causes of Wordiness Over-use of relative clauses (starting with that, who, which) W: The news, which was released yesterday, was devastating. C: The news released yesterday was devastating. W: The girl who was talented gave a concert. C: The talented girl gave a concert.
Common Causes of Wordiness Over-use of passive verbs W: The criminal was caught by the police, and later the criminal was convicted by the courts. C: The police caught the criminal and the court convicted him. passive passive active active
Side note: passive vs. active voice In academic writing, active sentences are preferred over passive sentences.
Side note: passive vs. active voice In academic writing, active sentences are preferred over passive sentences. Active voice: - The subject performs the action expressed by the verb. i.e., Andrewthrew the hammer.
Side note: passive vs. active voice In academic writing, active sentences are preferred over passive sentences. Passive voice: - The subject receives the action expressed by the verb. i.e., The hammerwas thrown by Andrew.
Side note: passive vs. active voice In academic writing, active sentences are preferred over passive sentences. - The active voice is: - More concise - More direct - Easier to understand
Side note: passive vs. active voice Examples: It is believed by some critics that Psycho is Hitchcock’s greatest film. Active: Some critics believe that Psycho is Hitchcock’s greatest film.
Side note: passive vs. active voice Examples: The Old Man and the Seawas written by Ernest Hemmingway. Active: Ernest Hemmingway wrote The Old Man and the Sea.
Side note: passive vs. active voice Exception: If the agent – the one performing the action- is unknown, you can use the passive voice. i.e., The walls had been defaced by grafitti. The car was pushed over the cliff.
Practice Source: www.boston.com
Journal Assignment Due on Thursday (by 4:00). Re-write a wordy paragraph.